Episode 08 - The Symbol Of Our Friendship

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Kings Of The Desert
Season: 01
Episode: 08
Written by: Mark Davison
Produced by: Moonstone Productions
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AGE RATING: 15+
CONTAINS: SCENES OF STRONG LANGUAGE, EXPLICIT CHEESINESS AND DEEP METAPHORS
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Chrissie: Well thank you again for letting me stay the night.
Ant: No problem Muffin, always happy to spend time with you. Though I should be sayin’ thank you to you for stayin’ with me… I had an amazing night.
(Knock on the door)
Chrissie: Me too.



Max: Oh!… Erm… Morning Chrissie. Sorry for bargin’ in like this, I didn’t think you’d be here.
Chrissie: Oh don’t apologise Max, think nothing of it. But if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go pop in the shower now.
Ant: Ok Cookie. Don’t drown.
Chrissie: (Giggles)



Max: So… You made up?
Ant: Yep. Told ya’-as much as I don’t wanna’ test my theory, me an’ Chrissie are invincible.
Max: You really love each other dontcha’?
Ant: How can ya’ even ASK that?
Max: Alright. Sorry again though for ruinin’ the mood between you two.
Ant: Nah it’s ok. Those times come along a lot more often than you’d believe. I’m just glad ya’ came to me this mornin’ instead of the other way ‘round. Was startin’ to become a bit tedious.
Max: Well we don’t HAVE to y’know. I have a car ‘n’ it ain’t like I don’t know where I’m goin’.
Ant: Alright then, suit yasel’.
Max: ‘Least ya’ didn’t call me again today. Can’t believe it’s more annoyin’ when I actually got a phone. Suppose Tim can relax though.
Ant: Oh, so ya’ knew it was his number that I kept accident’lly callin’?
Max: Oh yeah, found that out last week. Sorry I forgot to mention it to ya’… How did ya’ find out?
Ant: Erm…
Max: … You did call this mornin’ didn’t you?
Ant: … A little bit. An’ will ya’ please call him Timothy? Or Walker? Or Stuck-up Rich Tosser? I’d appreciate it.
Max: Ok, sure… So what he say?
Ant: Well actually it weren’t too bad. We ended up havin’ a bit of a joke an’ a laugh. We managed to work past the “incident” last season an’ he’s decided to get Ralph to let me have my rematch for the King Of The Desert title!
Max: Wow! Really!?
Ant: Well, there IS just one tiny catch though.
Max: As I expected. What is it?
Ant: Everythin’ I just said to ya’ there is complete bullshit.
Max: Oh.



Ant: In fact, we weren’t civil in the slightest. He’s still the most irritatin’ prick I’ve ever met.
Max: So what ACTUALLY happened then?
Ant: The insults began with our appearances… then our lifestyles… then he made some rather aggravatin’ suggestive comments ‘bout wor Chrissie, an’ so in return I made some similar comments ‘bout his sister.
Max: His sister?
Ant: Let me finish!… Oh wait, I AM finished… Oh well.
Max: Well what happened after what ya’ said ‘bout his sister? Did he get angry?
Ant: How should I know? I laughed an’ hung up.
Max: Ok…
Ant: …
Max: … His sister hot?
Ant: What?
Max: What?
Ant: …
Max: …
Ant: … Yeah she really is.
Max: What!?
Ant: What?
Max: …
Ant: … Well if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go pop in the shower now.
Max: But Chrissie’s in the shower.
Ant: Yeah… What’s your point?
Max: Oh!… Oh… I see what you’re implyin’… I’ll go wait outside until the two of you are finished then.
Ant: That’s very generous of ya’.
Max: Don’t mention it… Seriously, don’t, ever.
Ant: …
Max: …
Ant: … Well clear off then!





Max: So, goin’ back to Tim’s… I mean Timothy’s… sister.
Ant: Oh not this again.
Max: Oh no, not THAT. It’s just seein’ as she ain’t been mentioned ‘till now, ‘n’ this IS a pretty small town ‘n’ all… Just WHO is she? ‘N’ how many more people are there that I have to meet?
Ant: Heh, it might be a small town, an’ few people outside of it have heard of its existence, but ya’ have no idea just how many people there are. An’ well that would just ruin it if I told ya’ ‘bout her now.
Max: Can you at least tell me what she looks like?
Ant: Don’t even bother Max, wouldn’t give your imagination the satisfaction. First Meg, then Billie who’s Timothy’s girlfriend… They were bad enough-we don’t need Timothy’s own sister as well thrown into the mix.



Max: Seems you’re pretty popular today.
Ant: Ah screw ‘im. I’m havin’ one of the most perfect days ever today, an’ I’m not lettin’ a toffee-nosed twat like Timothy ruin it for me. Not now, not ever.



Max: Which reminds me, I thought you ‘n’ Chrissie were livin’ apart?
Ant: Well, we were… I mean we are, but… havin’ her spend the night made me see just how happier my life was when I spent every second possible with her… I’m gonna’ ask her to move back in with me.
Max: Really?
Ant: Yep. Sure it’ll go well too. She’s the greatest person I could ever live with.
Max: But… Weren’t YOU the one who moved out in the first place?
Ant: I… Well yeah, but… That’s not the point!
Max: Uh-huh, sure.
Ant: You of all people aren’t bringin’ me down.



Tim: Antony… A word please?
Ant: Hmmm nah not today thanks.
Tim: Think we best have a word. I wasn’t too impressed by the things you said about Kim.
Max: Tim and Kim? Haha! I love that! You wrote that on purpose didn’t ya’?
Tim: Now is not the time for that Maxwell.
Ant: Well serves ya’ right, frankly. Ya’ know what happens when ya’ bring my Chrissie into it. Only got yasel’ to blame. An’ no Max, I actually didn’t realise until last week.
Max: Ah, it’s still clever though. Anyway, what ya’ doin’ here Walker? Thought we’s were “amateurs”-not good enough for the likes of you?



Tim: Coaching young and promising Michael here, what else?
Ant: “Promising”? Don’t get me started on that. An’ “young” is quite an understatement. Sure it’s not past his bedtime yet?
Tim: Oh he’s a much better driver now Antony, just you wait.
Mikey: Yeah! ‘N’ check out the new wheels too!



Mikey: Ya’ gonna’ regret torchin’ the Rosalie Max, now I’m gonna’ wipe the lot o’ya’s off the desert with the new Hunka!
Tim: For the last time Michael, it’s a YOMOSHOTO! NOT a Hunka!
Mikey: Oh right, my bad…



Ant: What did I say to ya’ when ya’ first saw ‘im Max? He don’t know the diff’ between an Oleg an’ a Hunka!
Tim: Nevermind these clowns Michael. Go-you’re up.
Mikey: Rightio!



Ant: Seriously, ya’ think he’s a good driver?
Tim: … No.



Mikey: Nyah-hahahaha.
Miles: ‘N’ what’s that pathetic childish giggle for?
Mikey: Nyah!… You, your car, those stupid sunglasses, your whole “oh-look-at-me-I’m-such-a-tough-gangster-dude-who-likes-to-stay-quiet-‘n’-scare-people-”
Miles: Ya’ wanna’ keep talkin’ on the business side of my fist?
Mikey: Nyah! Funny!
Miles: I have brass knuckles in my pocket.
Mikey: Alright, alright! Chillax there my man! Guess I better hit the dust then, before ya’ start comin’ after me.
Miles: I’m up on the dust now too actually.
Mikey: Ooooohhhhhh no…



Mikey: You too!? Ah jeez!
Miles: (Quietly) Arr great, just what I need.
Eliza: Play nicely boys.



Ant: Hey there Muffin.
Chrissie: Hi sweetie.
Max: Mornin’.
Chrissie: Hello again Max.
Max: …
Ant: …
Chrissie: …
Ant: … Oh, Max, didn’t ya’ say ya’ had to go do that thing?
Max: Huh?
Ant: Y’know… the thing? With… with that other thing?
Max: Erm… Oh!
Ant: (Quietly) Here we go…
Max: Oh no it’s fine, it can wait.
Ant: Uhm… NO. It’s kinda’ important that ya’ do it NOW… REMEMBER?
Max: I’m… not sure I’m followin’ ya’.
Ant: Look, take a hint an’ bugger off for a minute will ya’?
Max: Oh! I get ya’ now! Ahem… excuse me…



Chrissie: What was that all about?
Ant: Well, allow me to explain sweetheart…



Alan: Sucks to feel so rejected don’t it?
Max: (Sigh) yeah.
Alan: Wes here knows a thing or two ‘bout that, dontcha’?
Wes: Rrrr cut it out.



Mikey: Chalmers! Hoffman! You’s both are goin’ DOOOOOOWWWWWN!
Miles: Shut your mouth you cocky little brat.
Eliza: Boys, boys, boys. Please grow up.



Alan: Whey hey, speakin’ of which, there’s ya’ babe right there!
Meg: Kings! Are you ready?
Wes: Wow… She looks so…
Alan: Aw little Wes in love! HA!
Meg: Three…
Wes: Sometimes Al, I wish you’d shut up forever.
Meg: Two…
Alan: Sorry buddy, no can do.
Meg: One…
Max: Don’t worry fellas, I’m not listenin’ to every word you’s are sayin’.
Alan and Wes: …
Meg: Go!




Mikey: Huh?
Meg: Now that’s a disappointin’ start, if ever I saw one.
Miles: Shift outta’ my way Felling.
Mikey: I thought this car was supposed to be fast… It IS a Hunka after all!



Miles: C’mon Michael, just move over so I can get past your slow-ass piece of shit.
Mikey: Aha! I’ve been studyin’! I remember that THIS is the brake pedal! No more crashin’ my car like a fool for me!



Miles: Felling!
Mikey: What did I do wrong now!?
Miles: Stop braking too bloody soon you useless prat!
Eliza: (Sigh) Boys never change, do they?



Billie: Max!
Max: Bill!… -ie.
Billie: Heh, you can call me Bill if you want. I mean, I sort of hate the name, same as Christine hates Chris… But Ant, Tim, Meg and Len all call me it too so, you know.
Max: Len?
Billie: Oh, that’s my brother. Leonard, Leo, Len… whatever you wish to call him.
Max: Oh right… (Looks around)… Where’d Tim get to?
Billie: He said he had business up close to The Rivet and said he‘d be back later on.
Max: The Rivet?
Billie: You’re still a fresh handful of sand aren’t you? Straight out of the hourglass?
Max: I… Really don’t understand these desert metaphors you folk use yet.
Billie: Oh, sorry. You’ll learn. I used to be much worse than you, don’t worry. The local dialect of us Wastelanders is easy to pick up on after a couple months. We’ve all been there-Ant, Tim… all of them. Believe me.
Max: Wouldn’t have been surprised if them two were born straight from the dust… So what’s The Rivet?
Billie: Oh… Actually… I’ll wait until you find out for yourself. You’ll see it eventually-no one hasn’t… except you.
Max: You lot sure are very secretive aren’t ya’?
Billie: Hehe, comes with the territory Max-this place is pretty secretive in itself. Wouldn’t have known about it if it weren’t for the Four Founders.
Max: Good point… So you know when Tim’s comin’ back?
Billie: Dunno. But I wanted to come over to talk to you whilst he wasn’t here, seeing as he’s not yours or Ant’s biggest fans these days.
Max: W-… Why’d you wanna’ talk to ME?
Billie: Oh, I’ve heard a lot about you.
Max: … From Ant?
Billie: Oh yes.
Max: So it’ll all be lies then.
Billie: Ha, everyone thinks that about him. But honestly, he’s as honest as The Wasteland is dusty. A real stand-up guy is what he is, it’s just he hides himself too much. Ancient sands only know why though.
Max: So what he say about me?
Billie: I detect a little bit of paranoia. He said you were a pretty great friend.
Max: Really?
Billie: Although, it felt at times he was trying to chat me up on your behalf.
Max: Really.
(Crash)
Miles: DAMN IT FELLING GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY ALREADY!
Mikey: Not Hunka’s finest work… If I’m honest.
Eliza: I’m not saying anything.



Miles: FINALLY! Now to take out the little girl.
Mikey: I knew that guy was said to be aggressive but… I thought he was supposed to be all cool ‘bout it ‘n’ not on a rampage!



Eliza: Oi! My beloved Elektra! Leave her alone!
Miles: Not likin’ it? Then back down! Go somewhere you belong, like Kindergarten!



Leo: You ok Bill?
Billie: Len! Oh I’m fine thanks, yeah… Oh, erm, this is Max.
Max: Hey there.
Leo: … Ant’s wingman, right? Tim’s rival?
Max: Oh… erm… well…
Leo: For the record, Tim’s a dickhead.
Max: Oh yeah! That’s me! Ant sure is a hell of a good guy, I do say.
Leo: He’s an arrogant, egotistical, simple-minded, cocky moron. That’s what Ant is.
Max: Erm…
Leo: I’ll concede that I like him more than I like Tim, but I still fight for a third corner in the battle royale-my own. But you seem genuine enough, I’ll leave you alone… for now. Guess I’ll be seeing you. Take care Bill.



Billie: You too, Len.
Max: What’s that guy’s problem?
Billie: Unless you’re family, he has serious trust issues with you. It’s a wonder he doesn’t go mad-doesn’t talk to anyone much but me.
Max: Does Tim not count as family?
Billie: Len says he does… but… he hates Tim more than Ant does. And you already know, I hope, how badly Tim and Ant get along. Put it this way-Tim, Ant and Len are the most well known three-way rivalry… At least, presently anyway-we’ve had many much more famous Desert Kings over the many years… Or so we’ve been told. While Ant’s temporarily out of the way, it’s just a stand-off between Tim and Len… Len’s a brutal renegade, a worsened version of Ant, while Tim is a refined and dignified… erm… self-loving person who cares about nothing but his public image and reputation. Perfect rivalry if you ask me.
Max: You believe Ant’s setback is only temporary?
Billie: Of course! Everyone in The Wasteland has their idol. More often than not, right now it’s either Tim or Ant you support-the ratio’s about fifty/fifty… I just happen to be one of the Ant fans though. But don’t tell Tim or he’d flip.
Max: Heh, no worries Billie-your secret’s safe with me, I promise.
Billie: Thanks… Glad I can trust you. You’re something different, I’ll give you that. Much different from most guys around these parts.



Miles: Shift over woman!
Eliza: Nyeh… I know guys are quite pushy towards us girls but this is ridiculous.



Miles: Last corner… Come on!
Eliza: He’s stressing more than I was told he does… Well, what are you waiting for? You want past, go for it.



Miles: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Eliza: Shouldn’t have been so eager now, should you?



Mikey: Double shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
Eliza: Uh-oh.



Eliza: Ow!
Miles: … Triple Shit.



Driver #4: Fuck!
Eliza: Ow! The lot of you stop crashing into me!



Eliza: What?
Miles: What!?
Meg: WHAT?
Mikey: WHAT!?



Mikey: I DID IT! I WON! I WON THE RACE! I NEVER WIN ANYTHING! I’M SO HAPPY, YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Eliza: Erm…
Miles: I am never going to forget this moment.
Meg: I’d ‘ave never expected that in a million years.



Max: Well I’ll be damned.
Alan: What the fu-!?
Wes: -How the hell was that even possible?
Billie: I WOULD say that Tim taught him well but… that was just shear luck really.
Alan: It wasn’t luck, it was a bloody impossible magical phenomenon!



Mikey: Wooh! I tell ya’, that is SOME CAR! Can’t go wrong with a Hunka!… Where’s Tim? I’m sure he must have been mighty impressed by that… right?
Billie: Erm… Mikey, Tim left for The Rivet before the race even started.
Mikey: What!? For the first time ever I ACTUALLY done something right and he NEVER EVEN SAW A THING!?
Billie: … I’m sorry?



Mikey: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Billie: Y’know… I pity him sometimes.
Max: Who? Tim for puttin’ up with Mikey?
Billie: No… Mikey for putting up with Tim.
Max: That sounds about right. So, Billie, erm… You maybe think you’d fancy goin’ out sometime ‘n’-



Tim: What I miss?
Max: (Quietly) Damn it.
Billie: Well, Mikey won his race.
Tim: Yeah right! I’ll believe THAT when I see it!
Everyone: (Sigh)
Tim: Well, everything’s settled up at The Rivet. Things are actually ahead of progress, so what say you and I go out for dinner to celebrate?
Alan: That would be great! Thanks!
Tim: Not you.
Alan: Awww.
Wes: Rejection… Hurts, don’t it?
Billie: Um, yeah sure… Bye Max.



Max: Goodbye… Billie…
Alan and Wes: … D’AWWW!
Max: Will you guys STOP doin’ that all the time!?
Chrissie: I’m going to go over there… Before you get any more crazy ideas.
Ant: So I take it that’s a “maybe”?
Chrissie: …



Max: Uhm… How’d it go?
Ant: Perfectly.
Max: Really?
Ant: No.
Max: What happened?
Ant: Not much actually, though we’ve been talkin’ a long time.
Max: Yeah, it’s amazin’ what ya’ can do with Chrissie when Meg’s not around.
Ant: … Finished?
Max: Just about.
Ant: She thinks it’s a bit crazy. What with us livin’ apart for a reason, an’ that it ain’t been that long either… But give me a little time, bit more of the ol’ Antster’s charm oughta’ fix things with her.
Max: You sure?
Ant: Who knows her better? It’ll be a walk in the park… Erm, I mean desert.
Max: I see…
Ant: S’matter with you? … Or should I guess?
Max: Probably already know.
Ant: Put it this way buddy, a chick is like a Thalassa-they’re awfully unreliable, they drive ya’ mad all the livelong day, they don’t make anythin’ easier for ya’ an’ just push ya’ over the edge to insanity… However, they got style, an’ they just have that physical charm… Ya’ can’t help but fall in love with ‘em, then ya’ discover the wonderful character they have. Then ya’ know… You’ll love ‘em forever.
Max: … Wow, that’s… a REALLY deep analogy Ant.
Ant: Thank you… I was up half the night writin’ that into the script.
Max: Go figure.
Eliza: Excuse me?
Miles: You heard what I said.
Meg: Oh boy…
Max: What’s goin’ on over there?



Eliza: So you’re saying that it was MY fault in that race?
Miles: Exactly.
Max: Smells like trouble… Maybe we oughta’-
Ant: Get together a couple of deck chairs an’ a large tub o’popcorn? Great thinkin’!



Eliza: You went mad and caused a three-car pile-up.
Miles: You took that corner too slow!
Eliza: You went like a lunatic and overshot it!
Miles: You need to shut up woman.
Eliza: I beg your pardon!?
Miles: Why are you even here? Shouldn’t even BE on the dust. This ain’t no place for quiet, shy, annoyin’ little girls.
Meg: I’m gonna’ go before someone draws blood. Whoever of the two survives, see ya’ later. (Whispers) Lizzie, take note: (Lightly taps on her face, then points subtly at Miles)



Eliza: I am not a little girl!… Or shy!… Or quiet!… Or annoying!
Miles: You’re generally pretty quiet… ‘N’ you’re sure as hell annoyin’ right now.
Eliza: … Fine!



Miles: Heh, yeah you’re really intimidating. What ya’ gonna’ do sweetheart?
Eliza: Take…



Eliza: THAT!



Ant: Go Lizzie!
Max: Nice shot.
Ant: Erm… Max?… Where’s the popcorn?
Max: Erm…
Ant: Damn it Maxwell! I asked ya’ to do ONE thing!



Max: Good shot ya’ had there.
Eliza: Why thank you. I’ve been a lot worse though, don’t worry. A “quiet, shy, annoying little girl” has to let off a little steam every now and then.
Ant: Couldn’t agree with ya’ more.
Eliza: I’ll see you later Ant.
Ant: Take care of yourself Lizzie.
Max: Since when have ya’ spoken to her?
Ant: Since forever ago! You not been payin’ attention?
Max: Ya’ chasin’ her now?
Ant: Not this again… I thought you were meant to be goin’ for popcorn?
Max: Uhhh…
Ant: Go! Now! I need popcorn!
Max: … Was that a euphe-
Ant: JUST GO!
Max: Alright!



Miles: Oh, that little tart.
Meg: Oi! Don’t ya’ go callin’ sweet lil’ Lizzie names! She ‘ad every right to ‘and it to ya’!
Miles: You told her to do that didn’t you?
Meg: Now wait just a darn pickin’ moment there fella’, don’t go bringin’ me into all o’this! I ain’t done nothin’!
Miles: Didn’t you???
Meg: …



Meg: Hey, whaddya’ know? Another pretty pebble…
Miles: DIDN’T YOU?
Meg: … Just a lil’ bit.



Alan: Woah, she sure has some attitude there. Sure ya’ still interested in ‘er?
Wes: Will you ever lay off me?
Alan: Not ‘till I die.
Wes: I’m sure I could arrange that for you.
Alan: Aw, that’s mighty fine of ya’ Wes. Seriously, means a lot that you’d do that just for me. Go on, I think ya’ oughta’ go comfort ‘er an’ all that soppy shit.
Wes: An excuse to get away from you?… Yeah, alright.



Mikey: Grrr.
Chrissie: You said it.
Mikey: Can’t believe Tim missed my win.
Chrissie: Can’t believe you won.
Mikey: What?
Chrissie: I said… Can’t believe Ant asked me to move back in with him.
Mikey: Awww, really!?
Chrissie: Yep. I mean… I love him, more than anyone, but… After what happened not long ago, it just feels too soon. I know he wants me to live with him so much… and honestly, so do I, more than anything. But I don’t know, it just feels like it would be a big risk, at least for the time being.
Mikey: I don’t really understand relationships.
Chrissie: (Quietly) Why am I not surprised?
Mikey: What?
Chrissie: What?
Mikey: … Thought you said someth-
Chrissie: -No…
Mikey: …I like your necklace.
Chrissie: Thank you! I absolutely love it. Ant bought it for me a few years back… Never go anywhere without it. Reminds me of living back out in the Mahru… And always makes me think of how sweet Ant really is, despite the tough times the last couple years.
Mikey: By “tough times”, ya’ mean Meg?
Chrissie: Oh yep.
Mikey: …I have a similar necklace too, see?
Chrissie: Oh wow! That’s awfully strange. They’re almost exactly alike too.
Mikey: Yeah… Freaky stuff!
Chrissie: Well, it could be the symbol of our friendship.
Mikey: Like that one thing that brings two totally different people together to be best friends?
Chrissie: Exactly! Although, we aren’t THAT much different.
Mikey: Well, you’re definitely the beauty of the two of us.
Chrissie: Awww and you’re… definitely the brains…
Mikey: Heh, thanks! Well, I graduated college early…
Chrissie: You did? Really?
Mikey: … No.



Chrissie: Hehe, aw I’m sure we’re going to have a lot of fun in the future.
Mikey: Of course! I’m the funnest guy you could meet!
Ant: I’ll believe that.
Chrissie: …
Ant: Christine… Michael.
Chrissie: Antony.
Mikey: Antonio.
Ant: This is the only time I’ll tell you this Mikey-don’t ever call me that name.
Mikey: Sorry!
Chrissie: What do you want Ant?
Ant: Erm…
Chrissie: Thinking of something sarcastic to say?
Ant: Yeah, actually. Just gimme a sec…
Chrissie: …
Ant: …
Mikey: …



Max: (Near-hysterical, and out of breath) Ok, now I’m really really really sorry Ant, please don’t get mad at me, but I went to the store ‘n’ I asked the dude at the counter if they had any popcorn. He asked me what popcorn was, ‘n’ so I explained to him: that stuff you put in a heater thingy ‘n’ it pops ‘n’ goes all weird. He asked me if I meant when you put a guinea pig into a microwave… that guy has issues. Anyway, I then told him it’s the stuff you always eat at the cinema, ‘n’ he asked me what a cinema was… dude mustn’t ever have had a social life, feel sorry for the guy. Anyway, I then decided I’d employ the help of this random person who conveniently stepped into the store that second to explain to the guy what I wanted. The counter dude seemed to understand him immediately, which kinda’ insulted me a little. So then he went to scale each and every shelf of the store five times over ‘n’ in the end, long story short, tells me he doesn’t have any in ‘n’ to check back tomorrow. I mean it was ridiculous how he-
Ant: -Will ya’ quieten down Cooper!? I nearly have a sarcastic response!… Nah, screw it, I lost it… What was ya’ sayin’ Max?
Max: Erm… erm… goodbye!



Chrissie: …
Mikey: …
Ant: … I have a response!
Chrissie: Really?
Mikey: Really!?
Ant: Yeah!… No…
Mikey: Aw.
Ant: … Yeah I do! Ok! Ask me what I want again!
Chrissie: Alright… What do you want Ant?
Ant: You.
Chrissie: …
Ant: …
Mikey: …
Chrissie: … Is that it?
Ant: Yes-all I want is you.
Chrissie: …



Miles: D’AWWW!
Meg: Shut it you! Nobody takes my catchphrases, same with Ant’s. But shut it all the same an’ don’t ruin the mood… Even if it IS Chris…
Mikey: That was… REALLY SWEET!
Chrissie: Ant…
Ant: Chrissie…
Miles: …
Meg: …
Miles: … Aw-kward…
Meg: (Softly) Quiet Hoffman… It’s like a rare species of animal-keep quiet and admire them then they won’t run away.
Miles: We’re really deep with these metaphors today aren’t we?
Mikey: (Quietly) Quiet Miles.
Miles: No, YOU be quiet!
Everyone: QUIET!
Ant: … Chrissie?
Chrissie: … Yeah?
Ant: … With exception of the crowd, this remind you of anythin’?
Chrissie: …



Chrissie: Our first kiss…
Ant: Exactly…



Ant: Brings back a whole lotta’ memories, don’t it?
Chrissie: …
Ant: The happy ones, anyway.




Chrissie: They were all happy memories… They still are… And always will be.
Ant: And we’ll have many more happy memories in the future, I promise.



Miles: …
Meg: …
Mikey: …



Max: What I miss!?
(Everyone complains)
Max: What!? What did I do!?
Ant: (Sigh) Typical Max to ruin the mood.
Chrissie: Hey, he’s YOUR friend.
Max: Brother, actually.
Ant: … Shut up, Max.
Max: Oooh!
Ant: …
Max: Ok, I’m sorry.
Chrissie: Take me home?
Ant: Your place?



Chrissie: I thought my place was your place too?
Ant: … Really?
Chrissie: Yeah.
Ant: Oh boy, is today my lucky day.
Chrissie: Mmm you have no idea yet.
Alan: Woah-ho! Seems Wes could learn a little somethin’ from you Willis!
Everyone: Shut up Alan!
Max: Where is that dude anyway?



(Knock on the door)
Eliza: If that’s Miles I swear to the fluffiest of snow leopards that I’ll-



Eliza: Oh…
Wes: Hey.
Eliza: You’re not Miles.
Wes: That’s… a good thing?
Eliza: … It’s an amazing thing. Please come in, Wesley.



Wes: So, are you ok?
Eliza: I am now. Can I get you anything to drink? We have tap water or… tap water.
Wes: Hmmm… Do you have any tap water?
Eliza: Hehe. Let me just check for you, I’m not quite sure…



Voice: D’AWWW!



Sammy: Rico! Cut it out!
Tina: What?
Sammy: It’s nothin’…
Rico: Samson’s just a little shy.
Sammy: (Quietly) I told ya’ I didn’t wanna’ say anythin’.
Rico: What about Finley? You said you wanted to tell Tina the truth, in case you never get the chance again.
Sammy: Well…
Rico: Samson wants to ask you something.
Sammy: Rico!
Tina: Really? What is it Sammy? Surely you can talk to ME?
Rico: I’ll leave you two alone.



Sammy: I hate you Rico.
Rico: Love you too Sammy.
Tina: … Everything ok?
Sammy: Yeah, yeah, it’s fine… it’s just somethin’ a little personal.



Tina: Yeah?
Sammy: It’s just… I dunno what to say.
Tina: Just tell me how you feel.
Sammy: Well, lately I haven’t been able to stop lookin’ at you. I noticed somethin’-that you’ve kept lookin’ over too, ‘n’ I just feel like I need to know your true feelings. ‘Cause if they’re what I’m thinkin’, then I feel the same way too.
Tina: You do? Oh Sammy…
Sammy: I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but if I don’t ask now I fear I might never get the chance again.
Tina: Just ask me Sammy… please. I want to be able to tell you everything.
Sammy: Ok, I’ll ask… ‘N’ tell me the truth.
Tina: I would never lie to you about my feelings Sammy.
Sammy: ……… Do you like my Sigfrid?
Tina: Oh Sammy, of course I-… what?



Sammy: I couldn’t help but notice you keep lookin’ at him. Now I know me ‘n’ him don’t get on… ‘n’ he’s an arsonist ‘n’ psychotic Sigfrid mk3 murderer but… Do you like him?
Tina: … Of course!
Sammy: Really!?
Tina: No.
Sammy: Aww, too bad.
Tina: (Sigh) Just forget it.
Sammy: Well, I’m off on the hunt for Finley Hannigan.
Tina: Wait… You mean, “FIRECRACKER” Finley Hannigan?
Sammy: Yup.
Tina: I dunno if I should be crying…
Sammy: Don’t be so sad, Tina, I’ll be fine.
Tina: No, I mean tears of laughter. YOU? Taking down Firecracker Finley? HAHAHAHA!
Sammy: Hey! Don’t laugh!
Tina: Samson… Why are you even-



Missy: You ready or what?
Sammy: Erm… Tina, you remember Missy right?
Tina: How could I forget?
Missy: Hi bitch.
Tina: Hi whorebag.
Sammy: This storyline’s not gonna’ be any easier for me is it?



Ant: You comfortable Cookie?
Chrissie: Mmm, never been more comfortable in my life.
(Phone rings)
Chrissie: Aw don’t answer it sweetie.
Ant: Wasn’t thinkin’ of it babe.
(Answering machine plays)
Meg: Ant… You there?
Chrissie: …
Ant: …
Meg: Ant?… Please, I really need to talk to you. You’re the only person I’d tell this to, please, I need you.
Chrissie: …
Ant: Uhm… Warning-very bad moral choice comin’ right up.



Chrissie: Hm!
Ant: Hey Megs, you ok?… Aww never! He said WHAT!? That bastard, treatin’ ya’ like that. You sure you’re alright? Want me to come over?… Alright, I’ll be there in a few…… Love you too.
Chrissie: (Quietly) Rrrr that girl’s still giving me trouble.



Max: (Sigh) Sammy, how much we have in common, you have no idea… We just ain’t the luckiest of the sort are we?
(Knock at the door)



Mikey: Yello!
Max: Oh… no! Not you! No I’m not gonna’ open my door to you! Bad things are just gonna’ happen if I let you in, no way! Whaddya’ want?
Mikey: … Peace offering?
Max: This just ‘cause your chums with Chrissie now so you feel the need to befriend me ‘n’ Ant ‘n’ not feel like such an outcast?
Mikey: … Maaaaaaaaybe.
Max: (Sigh) I’ll regret this but… come on in.
Mikey: Yaaaaaaaay! Oh this is gonna’ be fun! We can stay up late, watch TV all night, make jokes, play games, order a take-out from a non-existent local pizza place ‘n’ find out all KINDS of stuff ‘bout one another! It’s like explorin’ an uncharted desert… heheh, get it?
Max: … Just shut up ‘n’ come in.
Mikey: Rightio!



Mikey: Got any stuff to make cakes with?
Max: Oddly enough, yeah. Chrissie gave me some cake mix things a couple weeks back as a housewarming gift.
Mikey: Awesome! Mind if I make some?
Max: YOU can cook?
Mikey: Better than I can drive.



Max: I’ll believe that.



(Pans falling all over the place)
Max: Oi! Be careful with that! That’s very expensive, professional-quality crockery in there!



Mikey: Really?
Max: … Prob’ly not, actually. Stuff’ll just be scrounged-up scrap like everythin’ else in this town.



Mikey: Now… Fire that up…
(Fire alarm goes off)
Mikey: Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good.
Max: MIKEY!
Mikey: What did I do wrong!?



Max: Here! Give it to me!
Mikey: I’m sorry! I’ve never worked with this cooker before!
Max: Messin’ with the hobs to make cakes isn’t a good start anyway! You use the oven! EVEN I KNOW THAT!
Mikey: I’m sorry I’m sorry I’M SORRY!
Max: Stop that bloody alarm too!
Mikey: Why do you even HAVE an alarm when there’s no fire department for hundreds of miles!?
Max: I don’t know, ok!? Don’t change the subject!
(Fire alarm stops)
Mikey: Phew! Ha, that was fun!
Max: You coulda’ burnt my house down!
Mikey: I know, wasn’t it AWESOME!?
Max: (Sigh) Things aren’t gonna’ get any better with you around more regularly, are they?