Episode 09 - An Offer You Can't Refuse

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Kings Of The Desert
Season: 01
Episode: 09
Written by: Mark Davison
Produced by: Moonstone Productions
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AGE RATING: 15+
CONTAINS: STRONG LANGUAGE, SAD MIKEY
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Max: Good morning!
Ant: What’s got you so happy this mornin’?
Max: I’m tryin’ to admire the finer things in life now that Mikey’s around. Every second that my house isn’t a pile of ashes ‘n’ I’m still alive is a miracle now.
Ant: Ha! Tough luck buddy.
Max: Don’t you get too comfortable-he’s like best pals with your Chrissie. If anythin’, he’ll be worse with you than he is with me. Just you wait.
Ant: …
Max: You seem somewhat troubled. S’up?
Ant: Nothin’.
Max: Somethin’ wrong with you ‘n’ Chrissie?
Ant: Now why would you assume that? There’s nothin’ wrong with us.
Max: No need to bullshit me. I know you two always have problems, I’ve never seen ya’s without a somethin’ to complain ‘bout. If ya’ ask me, I’m surprised the both of ya’ are still holdin’ together. So just come ‘n’ tell your bro the truth about-



Max: -Oh.
Chrissie: Oh.
Max: Oh…
Ant: Oi! Stop eyein’ ‘er up!
Max: I’m sorry… Just… Ahem… I’ll wait outside for ya’!



Chrissie: What’s his problem?
Ant: You really need to ask?… Maxwell! Come back here!



Max: …
Ant: Told ya’ we didn’t have problems didn’t I?
Max: … Can you guys at least stop cuddlin’ for one second?
Ant: Nah not today thanks.
Chrissie: Actually, I better go get ready.
Ant: Alright Muffin. I’ll keep our socially challenged friend here company in the meantime.
Chrissie: (Giggles) Okie dokie.



Max: Thanks for that.
Ant: No problem! So…
Max: Yeah?
Ant: … Sayin’ I gotta’ deal with Mikey now?
Max: Yup.
(Knock on the door)
Mikey: Guys!? Guys, you there!? It’s me!
Ant: It’s him?
Max: It’s him.
Ant: Maxey, would ya’ mind me lyin’ down on the road an’ you back over me in your Ciclo?
Max: I’d be HONORED to Ant.
Ant: Good man. You’re a real sport.





Ant: So glad we ditched that kid.
Max: That’s a little harsh.
Ant: It’s only very specific hours that I can put up with him.
Max: ‘N’ what hours are them hours?
Ant: The non-existent ones.



Mikey: Oh hi there!
Max: Oh not this guy again.
Ant: I thought we gave ‘im the slip. It’s too early in the mornin’ for all this.
Chrissie: Mikey!
Mikey: Chrissie!



Ant: Now, I’m sure if I look hard enough, I can find some irony in this.



Meg: ANT!
Ant: MEG!



Max: Some things don’t change…
(Long silence, everyone still hugging)
Max: Oh screw you guys, I’ll just go outside ‘n’ be all alone.
Ant and Meg: That’s great.
Chrissie and Mikey: Ok.



Max: The cabin’s a dump anyway.



Tim: Yeah, you should see the cabin at my track… Oh, but what am I saying? It’s not like you’re ever gonna’ get the chance to!
Max: Oh piss off. S’all I’m sayin’.
Tim: Suit yourself. How’s it feel to be surrounded by people who have someone though?
Max: Oh but I DO have someone.
Tim: Oh really? Who?
Max: Erm…



Max: Eliza! Give me a hug!
Eliza: Huh?



Eliza: Oh! Erm… Ok then…
Max: We’re the BESTEST of best friends aren’t we?
Eliza: Sure… Why not.
Max: Love you!
Eliza: … Love you too… I think.
(Another long silence)
Eliza: … Could I maybe go now?
Max: In a moment...



Alan: An’ ya’ got to spend quality alone time with her at ‘er place too. Missed your chance it seems. What the hell were ya’ doin’?
Wes: We talked… And drank tap water…
Alan: “Oh we talked and drank tap water” whoopty-fuckin’-do. That ain’t gonna’ cut it. Ya’ gotta’ step it up!
Wes: And you know how to… Forget it.
Alan: Were you about to ask ME for help???
Wes: Erm, n-no I wasn’t.
Alan: Yes you were! An’ OF COURSE I’ll help you out!
Wes: Oh joy.
Alan: But first, we have more important things to focus on.
Wes: Really? Like what?
Alan: Me kickin’ your ass out on the dust.
Wes: What?
Alan: That’s right!
Wes: But… I didn’t think we were even Desert Kings.
Alan: … Actually, now ya’ mention it, neither did I.



Alan: Hold on a sec, Imma check the script…



Keith: Good luck out there ol’ pally.
Robert: Thanks Woody.
Keith: (Quietly) I take it back for callin’ me Woody you twat.
Robert: You say something Woody?
Keith: Erm… No?
Robert: Yeah, you keep saying that, whilst you’re still in my good books. Keep goin’ the way you are ‘n’ I’ll be sending you off to a new crew: Miles and co.
Keith: Aw hell no don’t even joke. That guy’s cool but he’s a maniac.



Miles: Good luck out there man.
Eliza: Yeah, good luck.
Max: Thanks guys.
Eliza: You’re welcome!
Miles: Uh-huh.



Miles: Elizabeth, where are you goin’?
Eliza: Huh?
Miles: Kindergarten’s the other way.
Eliza: But I don’t have a kid… Oh very funny, har-har, stop before I wet myself from so much hilarity.
Miles: Need your diaper changed or somethin’?
Eliza: …
Max: Was that a euphemism?
Miles and Eliza: Shut up Max.



Mikey: So… I’ll pick ya’ up tomorrow ‘n’ we can go out for the day to Emerald City?
Chrissie: Sounds perfect… Actually, how about I pick you up instead?
Mikey: Is my drivin’ that bad?
Ant and Meg: (Cough) Yes.
Chrissie: (Gently nudges Ant) No of course not. It’s just… My car could use a good run.
Mikey: Oh ok then.
Ant: (Whispers) Neat escape sweetheart, always knew you were part-ninja.
Chrissie: (Giggles)
Meg: Well, best be off.



Meg: Actually, Ant… Mind walkin’ with me for a couple secs?
Chrissie: For WHAT!?
Meg: … For a couple OF sec-ONDS.
Chrissie: Oh… Sorry, thought I heard you say something else…
Mikey: (Smirks)
Ant: Erm… Sure Megs. What’s up?
Meg: Oh, y’know… We need to arrange our day out tomorrow too.
Ant: We do?
Meg: (Coughs)
Ant: Oh right of course!… Goin’ to The Rivet.
Meg: Redrock Canyon.
Ant: That’s the place.
Meg: But we’re stayin’ for the whole weekend aren’t we?
Ant: Erm… Yeah.
Meg: Campin’ out together with my tent ‘n’ a few drinks.
Ant: Of course, erm, sounds brilliant.
Chrissie: Hmmm…
Meg: Shall we?



Ant: You were just tryin’ to help me score points there weren’t ya’?
Meg: Yeah, sure… But, I mean, I was bein’ serious ‘bout the idea of it.
Ant: Oh…
Meg: Well… If you don’t WANT to spend time with me then I’ll… (Pretends to cry) Completely understand.



Ant: Awww hey c’mon now Megs OF COURSE I wanna’ spend time with you.
Meg: (Sniff sniff) Really?
Ant: You bet. You know I love nothin’ more than spendin’ time with you, you’re my favouritest person in Alterra, remember?



Meg: Awww an’ you’re my favouritest person in Alterra too!
Ant: That cheered ya’ up quick. I’ll pretend the whole trickin’-me-into-thinkin’-you-was-upset thing actually worked.
Meg: Hehe, what can I say? I’m a master of disguise.
Ant: That’s one way of puttin’ it.



Tim: Maxwell!
Max: Oh, not again. Look-Ant’s over there if you’re still bothered ‘bout the thing with your sister.
Tim: Not really any point. Told her what he said and… Well, let’s just say she said she’d be up for that.
Max: Oh… Oh NOW I think I know the sorta’ thing Ant musta’ said… Wish I didn’t know now.
Tim: Yep.
Max: So whaddya’ want from me?
Tim: I’m here to suggest a deal.
Max: Is it… “An offer you can’t refuse”?
Tim: No, this isn’t some sort of cheesy TV show y’know.
Max: Erm…
Tim: Oh, so it is… Damn it.



Alan: Hey there Coop-… Whatcha’ guys talkin’ ‘bout?
Tim: Nothing that concerns you Lambert.
Alan: Alright, chill dude. It’s cool.



Wes: Hey hold on a sec Al. What do you think you’re doing?
Alan: The script says we’re Desert Kings, so we are.
Wes: Oh brother.
Alan: Are you high Wesley? Ya’ don’t have a brother… Actually, I’m not sure. Do you?
Wes: I don’t know either, the script’s never said anything yet. Besides Al, that joke’s already been made.
Alan: So? They keep usin’ the same old jokes on this show anyway so why can’t we?
Ant: ‘Cause I didn’t say you were allowed to!
Alan: Awwwrrr.



Alan: An’ who the hell’s this guy?
Wes: You know Rob.
Alan: I know who Robbie is but I mean… who IS he? Like you’re the potential future husband of that four-eyed chick an’ that pompous asshole over there is goin’ out with Cooper’s interest… But what makes Robbie worthy of bein’ his own character?
Wes: If that’s the case, what makes YOU your own character then?
Alan: …
Wes: Exactly.
Alan: … I’m gonna’ have a word with Ant about this.



Max: So lemme’ get this straight… You wanna’ coach ME?
Tim: Pretty much. It’s simple-you have a brighter racing future than Michael, and it would totally annoy Ant if he were to have Michael and you were to be under my wing for a change. It’s not like I’m relieving him of everyone-it’s a fair trade. Michael for you. Think about it-Michael’s clearly already gonna’ fit right in there now he’s befriended Christie.
Max: Chrissie.
Tim: Whatever. So he’s welcome there. Then there’s you-learning from the King Of The Desert himself, his endless financial funds to help you out with whatever you need-cars, parts, crews, women-
Max: What?
Tim: You name it, you got it.
Max: If this is just to annoy Ant, why not just set me up with your sister? It’s simpler, would probably annoy him more ‘n’ I’d definitely benefit from it, I’m sure.
Tim: I’ll pretend I never heard that. That said though, you could always try with Meg-the ultimate way to catch Ant’s nerves.
Max: Good point. But then that’s not your doing-it would just be me bein’ spiteful towards my bro ‘n’ that beats the object.
Tim: Fine then, back to the original proposal. What do you think?
Max: Not that he’d go for it but, ya’d have to speak with Ant ‘bout somethin’ like that-not me.
Tim: Indeed I will.



Tim: … Would you go out with Max?
Meg: Nah.
Tim: Too bad. Keep chasin’ Ant then.
Meg: Keep clingin’ onto Billie with a loose grip then.
Tim: What’s that supposed to mean!?
Meg: You’re on my track Walker, get off.
Tim: Huh?



Meg: I said get off!
Tim: Woah! Ok bitch quit pushing me already!
Meg: BITCH!?
Tim: Aw hell better run.



Meg: Heh, I love to bluff my rage on people, make ‘em run scared. But I wouldn’t hurt no fly… Anyway…



Meg: Kings! Are you ready?



Meg: Three…



Meg: Two…



Meg: One…



Meg: Go!




Alan: That was… crap.
Wes: Oh shit hold on a minute… I’ve never raced before!



Max: Woah there ya’ bugger.
Wes: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Alan: Cars have brakes Wes, use ‘em!



Wes: This is getting REALLY noisy right now.
Alan: Cars have gears too Wes, use ‘em as well!



Max: Gettin’ the hang of all this.
Wes: Something about gears… I think… this… changes… up a gear… come on damn it change!



(Loud crunch)
Alan: Clutch Wes, clutch. You know all of this!



Ant: Why am I down here again with these chumps?
Meg: ‘Cause Tim’s a fag.
Ant: Oh yeah, that’s it. Thanks Blondie.
Meg: Hehe, any time hun.
Ant: Y’know, ya’ should consider goin’ out there yourself sometime. You’d certainly look good out there.
Meg: N’awww Ant that’s really sweet. But if I did, then I’d have to give up bein’ a flag girl… don’t think I’m ready for that yet.
Ant: Let me know when you are then. I’ll happily have you as my official primary wingman in my crew… erm, wingwoman, sorry.
Meg: Thanks Ant, it means a lot… Well I do think ‘bout it a fair bit. It ain’t half a bad idea, actually…



Alan: Why is this car so FREAKIN’ slow!?
(Loud crunch)
Wes: Is there something I’m doing wrong?
Robert: There’s no ladies on the track this time Max. I’m not gonna’ be as gentlemanly as last time we faced off on the dust.
Max: Oh look who’s steppin’ it up.



Max: C’mon… I gotta’ do this… I’m gonna’ do this.



Robert: Too wide, again.



Robert: Aw man, I’ve screwed this section right up. Thought this car was supposed to turn well.



Wes: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Robert: Damn it Wesley!
Max: Gives me more time.
Robert: Hell, I’m done for now. Good job Dunaway, good job.
Wes: I’m sorry Rob.



Wes: Aw no.
Robert: Yup. Definitely done for now.
Alan: Haha! Finally overtaken ya’s!… Damn, that took a long time though.



Max: Heh, piece of pie… or is it cake?



Max: I think that is what they call: A Vic-Toe-Ree… Vic to the Tory… Ok, I’ll stop now.
Alan: Second’s not that bad, I SUPPOSE… Still gotta’ get rid of this sluggish shite though.



Ant: Ha! You’ve always been a fruit loop to me, but that’s gotta’ be the maddest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth.
Tim: What do you mean?
Ant: Givin’ you Max in exchange for Mikey? Don’t get me started… But you ACTUALLY tried to make Max an’ Meg go out together?
Meg: Ew, never.
Tim: Would that be so terrible?
Ant and Meg: Yes!
Tim: Uh-huh, ‘cause you two have been a secret behind-closed-doors couple all along, ain’t ya’?
Meg: No we’re not!
Ant: Gee Megs, don’t sound so insulted by that. I have a self-esteem y’know.
Meg: I’m sorry hun, I didn’t mean it like that.
Ant: It’s alright Megs.
Tim: Forgiving her instantly? I don’t recall you ever forgiving Chrissie so soon, and you claim to “love” her.
Ant: BACK ON TOPIC Timothy, thank you very much. I wanna’ know what makes ya’ think I’d give up Max? Especially in exchange for Mikey of all people?
Tim: To prove that you can make even Michael a good driver. You’d get yourself quite a reputation if you did. And it isn’t like he’s a stranger on your side-he’d certainly be more than a welcomed addition.
Ant: An’ what makes ya’ say THAT?



Mikey and Chrissie: (Giggling over something apparently hilarious)
Tim: See what I mean?
Ant: Chrissie!
Chrissie: (Stops giggling) Ant.
Ant: Could you be more enthusiastic of my existence?
Chrissie: Sorry sweetie, I’ll try. It’s just what me and Mikey have been talking about was so funny.
Ant: Sure.
Chrissie: Awww you’re so cute when you’re jealous honey.
Ant: I’m… not jealous.
Chrissie: Uh-huh, sure. Bless you, awww.
Ant: I feel somewhat embarrassed right now.
Chrissie: Ok, I’ll stop. Well, I’m going to go back home and get ready for tomorrow’s trip.



Chrissie: Bye Mikey!
Mikey: Chrissie wa-!



Mikey: … Ow.
Chrissie: (Whispers) Wow, that always works with Ant.



Chrissie: Erm… Yeah, that was supposed to happen.
Ant: Of course.
Chrissie: …
Ant: It takes practice Cookie, you’ll get the hang of it.
Meg: Example…



Meg: See how simple?
Chrissie: Rrrr.



Chrissie: Well… I’m going to go back home and get ready for tomorrow’s trip.
Ant: You’ve already said that… EXACT phrase.
Chrissie: Yeah, well, I thought I should walk out of here with a sense of elegance and style.
Ant: If I may say so sweetheart, you did an amazingly fine job at just that.
Chrissie: Thanks!… I think… Well, see you back home honey.



Ant: I love you Muffin.
Chrissie: I love you too.
Ant: Just thought I’d announce that here to reassure everyone that no harm has come of today at all.
Tim: So, Antony, you haven’t given me a final answer yet.
Ant: What the hell you on about Walker?
Tim: (Sigh) What we’ve been talking about for the past twenty minutes! It’s a fair trade, dontcha’ think?
Ant: A trade?… A FAIR trade?… Timothy, the only way that this would be a FAIR trade is if the Michael in question you were tradin’ me was Michael Wilkinson, an’ he was drivin’ a Hunka, an’ ya’ threw your sister Kim in as well as part of the deal.
Meg: WHAT???
Ant: So yeah, it ain’t a fair trade.
Tim: Sorry you feel that way, but I’m most certainly not gonna’ do THAT.
Mikey: Besides, I AM drivin’ a Hunka!
Everyone: IT’S NOT A HUNKA!



Max: Hey guys. You fightin’ over me still? You must really love me!
Ant and Tim: NO!
Max: Awwwrrr…
Ant: Well Walker, unless ya’ have somethin’ else for barterin’, I ain’t sellin’.
Tim: Think you’re so cool acting like you are?
Miles: He’s picked it up from me.
Mikey: ‘Cause you’re so cool yourself?
Miles: Remember what I said ‘bout the brass knuckles kid?
Mikey: Ha! You don’t scare me with them things, ya’d have to get ‘em on first.
Miles: I have a flick-knife today.
Mikey: … (Gulps)
Ant: Take advantage of the fact we ain’t got no law ‘round here, don’t ya’?
Miles: Oh don’t worry, I’m entitled to carryin’ it with me anyway.
Ant: How?
Miles: … I’m not at liberty to say.
Max: Check this guy out, he’s bein’ all secretive like the rest of y’all too.



(Silence)
Tim: … What if I WERE to include Kim in the deal?
Ant: You wouldn’t though.
Tim: Ha! You’re right there… But for argument’s sake, would you?
Ant: … Well, I couldn’t possibly turn it down then could I?
Tim: I’ll be sure to let her know.
Ant: Oh please do. I’ve been informed she took my other comments positively.
Tim: Hold on a minute!
Ant: What?
Tim: … What legislation says that I HAVE to coach someone anyway?
Ant: Erm… the script does.



Tim: Script doesn’t say that.
Max: Actually, what DOES it say? I haven’t read this far through.
Ant: (Quietly) Real professional guys.
Tim: The script’s just jumped from here to later on… that mean this is one of our ad-lib scenes?
Ant: Erm… Yeah sure?
Tim: Perfect! In that case I refuse to keep coaching Michael. Michael, make yourself at home with this lot. Good boy.



Max: Erm…
Mikey: Huh!?
Miles: Well, that’s that.
Ant: Guess we’re done here. C’mon Max, let’s go.
Max: Wait, what about Mikey?
Ant: He can handle himself. Leave him be.
Miles: Ant?
Ant: What?



Ant: … Oh no no no.
Mikey: (Eyes start watering)
Ant: No! I refuse to be wavered!
Max: What…
Meg: (Whispers) Provided ya’ can look innocent enough, ya’ can get sympathy outta’ Ant. It’s one of them things I’m the best at.
Max: Why am I not surprised?
Meg: Watch your mouth pal.



Ant: … Alright! Mikey, stop it!
Mikey: …
Ant: Can’t believe I’m gonna’ say this but… If you WANT to join with us then… I suppose I’ll allow it.
Mikey: Really?
Ant: … Sure.
Mikey: Awesome! Now I’m gonna’ ACE the lotta’ ‘em out there on the dust!
Ant: All in due time Mikey. Step one though…
Mikey: Whassat?
Ant: How To Tell The Diff’ Between An Oleg An’ A Hunka.
Mikey: Hmmm, sounds simple enough!
Ant: You have no idea.
Miles: It’s as simple as you are.
Mikey: Al-right! Oh wow this is gonna’ be so amazin’! This is like so totally gonna’ be so fun ‘n’ we can like hang out ALL THE TIME, ALL of us ‘n’-
(Mikey continues to ramble in the background)
Ant: Max… Remember what I asked you to do for me this mornin’?
Max: Oh yeah.
Ant: … Please do it now, I beg of you.
Max: I’ll get the motor runnin’.



Kai: Afternoon Liz.
Eliza: Oh! Erm… hi.
Kai: You doin’ alright there?
Eliza: Yeah, I guess… How are you?
Kai: Oh I’m good thanks very much Liz.
Eliza: …
Kai: How’s the town treatin’ ya’?
Eliza: Erm… Not bad.
Kai: Good! Well, I wasn’t at all surprised you made it here, knew you’d follow your plan through.
Eliza: What?



Kai: I best be off. Take care of yourself Liz.
Eliza: Wait… I’m sorry-do I know you? Hey, answer m-



Eliza: H… He’s gone…



Wes: Everything ok Eliza?
Eliza: I just… Nevermind.
Alan: Wes!
Wes: Aw hell I better get outta’ here quick before he messes it all up for me.



Eliza: Have I met that guy before?… How did he know my name???





Alan: Oh, it’s you Lizzie. Wes ain’t here. I can’t seem to find him… strange. I could point you to his house if ya’ wanna’ pay ‘im a visit.
Eliza: I just want to know who that guy was?
Alan: What guy?
Eliza: The one you’ve just spoken to.
Alan: Oh him… Why ya’ wanna’ know?
Eliza: Just… No reason.
Alan: Think he’s cute? Wanna’ get to know him?
Eliza: Erm…
Alan: ‘Cause if ya’ do, then I oughta’ tell ya’ he’s gay.
Eliza: What?… No, no, I don’t mean it like that.
Alan: Oh… In that case, he isn’t gay then.
Eliza: …
Alan: … I don’t know his actual name, all I know is his alias.
Eliza: Which is?
Alan: Go on a date with our Wesley an’ maybe I’ll tell ya’.
Eliza: What?
Alan: What?
Eliza: …
Alan: … (Sigh) It’s Kai, alright?
Eliza: Thanks.
Alan: So about that date with Wes…



Alan: Hmph, she’s still wanderin’ off when someone’s talkin’ to her. She don’t change. Bet she still drives on the wrong side of the road too… Oh well Wes, can’t say I didn’t try for ya’. Time for plan B…



Eliza: Kai… Kai… Name doesn’t ring a bell, neither did he look familiar, though there was something about him I can’t quite put my finger on…
Meg: Lizzie!
Eliza: Does anyone call me the same name anymore? I get Elizabeth, Eliza, Elza, Lizzie, Liz…



Eliza: … “Liz”? Not too many people call me THAT name… This Kai… Could he be-?
Meg: Lizzie!



Meg: You in a dream world girl?
Eliza: I…
Meg: C’mon, you’re up next.
Eliza: Huh?
Meg: The race!
Eliza: Oh, the race… Sorry, I just drew a blank.
Meg: Ya’ don’t say. What’s got into you today? Ya’ seem a little preoccupied.



Eliza: That’s one way of putting it…



Rico: … You’re still here?
Sammy: I’ve tried Rico, I’ve tried. I just can’t get rid of the bitch.
Missy: HEY!
Sammy: Whoops, sorry Mel. Forgot you were there.
Rico: I meant YOU Sammy. I thought you were after Finley?
Sammy: I am.
Rico: So why are you still here?
Sammy: …
Missy: …
Rico: …
Sammy: …I don’t actually know.
Rico: Hmm, anyway, we’ve been checking the security camera footage of outside roughly at the time Sigfrid II got torched.
Sammy: And?
Rico: Here, come with me and see for yourself.











Missy: Well I’ll be damned.
Rico: Erm…
Sammy: See!? I told you! Sigfrid the First REALLY DID do it! That sick bastard!
Officer: Calm down Sam. There’s surely a constructive explanation for this.
Sammy: Yes-Sigfrid the First is a sick twisted psychopath!
Rico: (Sigh)
Missy: How did I ever live with your stupidity when we were going out Samson?
Sammy: I have no idea!… Wait, what?
Missy: Nothing! Nothing!
Officer: It gets worse though…
Sammy: What?
Officer: Or better! Depending on how you look at it.
Sammy: What!?
Officer: Rico? Do the honours?
Rico: Sure. Sammy, you might wanna’ come outside and see this.



Sammy: WHAT!?
Rico: I know.



Missy: How did it survive?
Sammy: Missy, don’t you get it? Sigfrid II is just too strong for Sigfrid the First-he can try all he wants but there’s no way he can possibly get rid of him on his own. You’re a scientist! You should know this!
Missy: I’m not a scientist!
Sammy: Oh… Well you should be!
Missy: (Sigh)
Sammy: Rico, what did you lot mean before that this is better or worse, depending on how you look at it?
Rico: Well, it’s better ‘cause you now have TWO Sigfrids!
Sammy: So why’s it worse?
Rico: … ‘Cause you now have two Sigfrids…



(Knock at the door)
Max: No Mikey! Not this time! Forget it! Go home! We don’t need to spend EVERY SINGLE SECOND together!
Billie: … Max?
Max: … Billie!?






Max: … Ow…
Billie: Are you in?
Max: Yeah, I’m just comin’!… My nose hurts.





Max: I’m sorry ‘bout that I… I didn’t fall over my couch, just so you know.
Billie: Hehe, I would never expect you of all people to do that Max, don’t worry.
Max: … Would ya’ like to come in?
Billie: I’d love to.



Max: Want somethin’ to drink? The plumbin’s stopped workin’ ‘n’ all I got is beer right now but… Hey, it beats the tap water that I don’t have.
Billie: No, I’m fine thanks.
Max: Have a seat.



Max: Somethin’ wrong?
Billie: No, everything’s fine.
Max: So… How come you’re here to see me?
Billie: I never got to see you today, though I wanted to.
Max: You did? How come ya’ couldn’t make it today? Had somethin’ goin’ on with friends?
Billie: No… More like Ant forgot to write me into the script, of which I’m only mildly offended. But I know it was just an oversight.
Max: Ah.
Billie: Even so… I dunno, I just wanted to see you.
Max: …
Billie: … How was your day?
Max: Heh, sure you heard ‘bout Mikey…
Billie: Yeah I did. I can’t believe Tim would do that to him. Especially after everything the four of us have been through over the years.
Max: The four of you?
Billie: Me, Tim, Mikey and Len.
Max: You been together long?
Billie: You mean all of us as a group or just me and Tim?
Max: … Both.
Billie: We’ve all been a group for the past five years. But me and Tim have been together… actually, the same amount of time.
Max: Oh… That’s quite a while then. Nearly as long as Ant ‘n’ Chrissie.
Billie: Yeah, but… Ant’s sweet and so is Chrissie. Tim… He’s not quite the same person as the Tim I once knew.
Max: Why’s that?
Billie: … Heh, I shouldn’t really be talking about this… But I feel like I can open up to you.
Max: … I’m glad ya’ can.
Billie: Well… Tim’s going to be wondering where I am, so I better go. But how do you feel about going out tomorrow? Up to Emerald City? It can be your first step towards discovering the places that we often frequent. It’ll be a nice little getaway.
Max: That would be great, yeah.




Billie: Good night Max… See you tomorrow.
Max: …




Max: … Good night Billie.



Max: A nice little getaway…
(Phone rings)
Max: Agh!… Oh, stupid piece of crap phone givin’ me a scare like that, oh I’ll show you.



Max: Hello?
Voice: Hey, it’s me. Look, don’t hang up on me ok? Lemme’ explain everythin’ to ya’.
Max: Uhm… Alright.
Voice: I know you probably have a lot of questions for me… “Where the fuck have ya’ been” bein’ the main one, I’d assume. ‘N’ TRUST me, I’ll be able to answer all of ‘em shortly… but not just yet. I want you to know that I’m sorry… ‘bout everythin’. I was hopin’ to be there with you sooner than now but things got in the way… I’m sure you can guess who I’m talkin’ about.
Max: …
Voice: I think I gave ‘em the slip so all’s well on that front. I have a few loose ends to tie up before I come over. In the meantime, just hang tight. If what I’ve heard about the town is true, I don’t doubt you’ve made yourself at home already. I mean, who knows you better than me, right?
Max: …
Voice: Givin’ me the silent treatment eh?… I can understand, but, please cut me some slack, yeah?
Max: Erm… Listen buddy, I’m sorry but I think ya’ got the wrong number.
Voice: … Max?
Max: Do I know you?
Voice: I should bloody well hope so! We’ve gone through the same shit together since your mother left.
(Screechy sound, then a loud bang)
Voice: Oh fuck, thought I’d ditched ‘em again… Listen Max, I gotta’ go, ok?
(Repetitive banging sounds)
Voice: I promise you I won’t be long, I guarantee it. ‘N’ don’t you go makin’ my mistake ‘n’ pickin’ up the wrong kind of woman when you’re out on your own in the wilderness, y’hear? Ya’ might be just like me but don’t mean ya’ gotta’ follow EVERY bad example I set for ya’-flunkin’ Uni is as good as it gets for you.
(Sound of wood breaking)
Voice: ‘N’ that’s my cue to bail kiddo. Gotta’ run, look after yourself.
(Phone goes dead)



Max: I thought if ya’ could get through on the phone ya’ were within sixteen miles from here… Bizarre… but who WAS that anyhow?



Daryl: This life, I know it ain’t perfect. I mean, I flunked Uni ‘n’all ‘n’ I couldn’t be happier… maybe you CAN be like me after all.
Voice: Ya’ might be just like me but don’t mean ya’ gotta’ follow EVERY bad example I set for ya’-flunkin’ Uni is as good as it gets for you.
Max: Thanks dad… but… what about the whore?
Daryl: Deidre?… I dunno…
Max: ‘Least you didn’t defend her.
Daryl: You’re right, that’s why.
Voice: ‘N’ don’t you go makin’ my mistake ‘n’ pickin’ up the wrong kind of woman when you’re out on your own in the wilderness, y’hear?
Daryl: Here, take this…
Max: What is it?
Daryl: Directions.
Max: Where’m I goin’?
Daryl: Remember that town I used to speak of…?



Max: … Dad?