Episode 10 - A Nice Little Getaway

A Note From The Author



Paddy: This thing workin’? It doesn’t feel like it is.
Harry (Cameraman): Yup, we’re on.
Paddy: Oh right…
Mark: Hi there. We’re speaking to you from the Moonstone Productions office in the residential quarter of Emerald City.
Paddy: Because we aren’t important enough to be in the industrial part.



Mark: So we stand out a fair bit, but luckily our office is an old wooden mansion… Because we put style before practicality, as I’m sure you’d know.



Mark: I’m Mark Davison. I’m the producer and writer for Kings Of The Desert. I also play Antony “Ant” Willis… Second most unpopular character…
Paddy: And I’m Paddy Swanson, and I’m… just an actor. I play Maxwell “Max” Cooper. From what I know, the second most POPULAR character.
Mark: Screw you Paddy. Anyway, we thought we oughta’ apologise for the delay of this week’s show.
Paddy: Indeed. See, it goes like this…
Mark: On Friday, which will be yesterday by the time you watch this, was the Archades basketball play-offs… Something which normally is never important to anyone in Alterra.
Paddy: Thing is, this year there’s some sort of hype about it… apparently.
Mark: That means there’s been demand for it to be televised. And said broadcaster for it just happened to be NSB… Who just happened to put it on NSB1 instead of NSB2...
Paddy: You guessed it.
Mark: Which just happened to steal our nine o’clock time slot from us and make us either be broadcast in the twilight hours or our regular time the following day… which is today… Saturday.
Paddy: And we’re not as stupid as we make out to be… Except for Nicky, who plays Mikey.
Mark: And you.
Paddy: And me… Wait, what?
Mark: So anyway, ‘cause we all love you guys who are fans of us…
Paddy: Yes, that eighty people out of Alterra’s population, we’re talking about YOU.
Mark: We figured it was the perfect… “opportunity”… to expand on our episode for you. We’ve managed to add in more scenes than earlier, so you can enjoy more than you would have before.
Paddy: And you have basketball to thank for that!
Mark: Not JUST basketball. Our monthly power outage here in The Wasteland has changed from the third Monday of every month to the sixteenth of every month.
Paddy: I thought it was the SECOND Monday of every month?
Mark: Whatever. But yesterday was the sixteenth… So, yeah, we had that problem. But also, Nicky’s stunt that you see early in the episode wasn’t too good. For once, he did things a little “too well.”
Paddy: Basically he burnt half my house down and we didn’t quite put it out as quick as we hoped. But we edited out the major damage that happened as a result.
Mark: Chrissie lost her favourite cardigan.
Paddy: How’s she doing?
Mark: I’m not QUITE drowning in her tears just yet… My head’s just an inch off the surface.
Paddy: It hit her that bad?
Mark: Of course. She’s a sensitive girl y’know… Gotta’ get her a new one, that’ll cheer her up.
Paddy: D’AWWW!
Mark: Cut it out.
Paddy: Sorry. So yeah, we hope you enjoy the new additions.
Mark: That’s right. We’ve made it feel more like a TV-style road movie in my opinion… That’s a good thing by the way!… I think. It’s a similar format we’re using for our season special. We even introduced Maria Powers onto the show earlier than planned. She plays Tim’s sister Kimberly “Kim” Walker.
Paddy: Tim’s sister???
Mark: Don’t you start with that again… Bye everyone! See y’all around!
Paddy: Goodbye!
Quincy (Director): Aaaaand cut!



Paddy: That girl has you whipped y’know.
Mark: Chrissie? That’s not true!
Paddy: You dedicate yasel’ to her way too much.
Mark: ‘Cause I love her more than anything in the whole of Alterra. It’s just ‘cause you’re forever alone.
Paddy: You have her name on your Blackwood GTSa’s license plate, you have you ‘n’ her together on your computer’s background, AND your Arcanet chat profile avatar. AND you even have pictures of you ‘n’ her together right there on the coffee table!



Mark: Maybe so, but what’s your point? Besides, it’s the only use we’ve ever had for that table.



Quincy: (Laughs)
Paddy: What’s so funny!?… Wait a minute…
Mark: You still filming us Quincy???
Quincy: … Maybe.



Quincy: Ok, let’s get outta’ here Henry!
Harry: Oh sh*t!
Paddy: Mark! Cool it!
Mark: Stop running you coward!


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Kings Of The Desert
Season: 01
Episode: 10
Written by: Mark Davison
Produced by: Moonstone Productions
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AGE RATING: 15+
CONTAINS: SCENES OF STRONG VIOLENCE, STRONG LANGUAGE, MILD SEXUAL REFERENCES, QUESTIONABLY ETHICAL RELATIONSHIP, SAD MIKEY RETURNS
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Daryl: Max, c’mon, wake up.
Max: Dad?
Daryl: Quit sleepin’ ‘n’ get your stuff packed, now.
Max: Is it time to go already?
Daryl: Yes it is. See, this is what happens when ya’ sleep around all the time, no pun intended. Now hurry up kiddo ‘n’ get movin’.
Max: Alright, alright, lay off me man. Gee, you’re soundin’ like Deidre…
(Ruffling sounds)
Daryl: That all you’re takin’ with ya’?
Max: Erm… This is everythin’ I own thanks very much dad.
Daryl: Oh, sorry…
Max: So what’s the plan then?
Daryl: Well…








Daryl: Just stick with the directions I gave ya’ yesterday, I’ll catch up.
Max: What’re you gonna’ be doin’?





(Gunshots and tyres screeching)




Man: Son of a bitch! … You can’t run forever Cooper. When I’m through with you, you won’t even be able to walk.



Daryl: … Few things I need to take care of before I head out. No panic needed Max, I can look after myself y’know. Just relax ‘n’ “chill”. That’s what you kids these days say ain’t it?
(Door opens and closes)
Voice: You think he’s hiding something from you?
Max: … Maybe.
Voice: You wanna’ find out either way though, right?
Max: … I guess.
Billie: Max?
Voice: What about the girl? What you gonna’ do about her?
Max: Who you talkin’ ‘bout?
Billie: … Max?
Voice: Who do you think I’m talking about?
Max: … Billie?
Voice: Bingo! Give the fella’ a figurative tropical sandstorm!
Billie: It’ll be a nice little getaway.
Max: A nice little getaway…
Billie: Good night Max… See you tomorrow.
Voice: She’s really into you isn’t she?
Max: I dunno.
Voice: Don’t be so modest! Just ‘cause she’s seeing that Walker fella’? The guy’s a dick, don’t feel bad about it. He doesn’t deserve her, and he’s losing his grip on her, as Meg says. What Billie says is true-he isn’t the same man she fell in love with.
Max: ‘N’ that’s because…?
Voice: Do you expect me to tell you EVERYTHING? Ask her yourself!
Max: I don’t feel right about it.
Voice: Stay cool. Everything will end well… for you at least. Everybody else, time will only tell. I’ve always liked you Maximillion, always will.
Max: You’re the only person who’s ever called me that name, ‘n’ I’ve said before that I hate it.
Voice: Thought you’d let me be an exception of all people?
Max: … I’ll let it slide.
Voice: Good man.
Billie: Max… Max, wake up. Please! Quick!
Max: Huh? Billie?
Billie: (Voice gets slowly less recognisable) You have to get up Max… C’mon, hurry up!
Max: But why?
Voice: You just have to! Wake up Max!
Max: But-
Mikey: WAKE UP!!!



Max: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ok, ok! I’m up!
Mikey: Good morning!
Max: Oh, it’s YOU.
Mikey: Who else!?
Max: I thought you were Billie for a moment.
Mikey: Nope! Better!
Max: If you say so…
Mikey: I do! Now c’mon, we gotta’ get outta’ here!
Max: Hold up, what’s the rush?
Mikey: Erm… Nooooooo reason?
Max: Mikey!
Mikey: Alright!… I… MAY have… set your house on fire.
Max: WHAT!?



Mikey: Yeah…
Max: What the fuck did you DO!?
Mikey: We don’t have time! Get out!




Mikey: Phew, close call… Ha! Got my heart racin’ ‘n’ everythin’! So, guess we should call the fire dep’?
Max: We don’t have one here!
Mikey: … Oh yeah.
Max: I got some buckets ‘round the back o’the house, fill ‘em with sand ‘n’ put it on the fire. That should put it out if we’re quick enough, ‘n’ I’ll not be homeless.



Mikey: OW!
(Bucket drops and metal clanging)
Mikey: That’s hot!
Max: I meant pour the SAND onto the fire, NOT THE BUCKET you moron!
Mikey: Oh right!… Owwwwwwww it hurts so much!
(Fire eventually dies down)
Mikey: Wow, that didn’t take long.
Max: Why didn’t the fire alarm go off?
Mikey: I MIGHT have switched it off… I didn’t wanna’ wake you! And… I wanted to make you breakfast in bed… or, breakfast on the sofa to be more precise.
Max: You switched it off!? THAT’S ILLEGAL!
Mikey: As if we have a police force in this region! Nothin’ we do would be considered “legal” elsewhere!
Max: … That’s not the point!
(Scrounging through the remains of the fire)
Mikey: … Aha! Here’s your breakfast! It’s… a little burnt… ok, VERY burnt actually but… You hungry?
Max: I’ll pass, thanks.
Mikey: Oh well, guess I’LL have it then-that fire sure gave me an appetite… Mmm, delicious!
Max: Really? What’s it like?
Mikey: Tastes of ash.





Billie: Max?
Max: Mornin’.
Billie: You… smell of ash. (Sniff sniff) Have you been smoking?
Max: What? No, no, I don’t smoke. It’s… a long story really.
Billie: Is it?
Max: Well, Mikey.
Billie: Ah, not such a long story after all. What did he-
Max: He set fire to my house!
Billie: What!?
Max: He… was makin’ me breakfast in bed… or on the sofa, whichever.
Billie: Aw, that’s sweet of him. He always tries to help out when he can, and he means well… but the legends that talk about how stupid he is are true to their words. Once he thought he’d help redecorate Tim’s house so he started to paint the walls. Trouble was, he never realised what paint he was using until he finished and ended up giving Tim a pink bedroom… Where is Mikey now anyway?
Max: Not sure, said he had somethin’ to do today…
Billie: Oh well.
Max: Yeah, as long as I don’t have to be victim to any more of his antics today, I think I’ll be ok.



Meg: Alright, ‘fore we leave, let’s do a checklist an’ make sure we got everythin’.
Ant: Check!
Meg: … I haven’t said anythin’ yet!
Ant: Sorry Megs.
Meg: Right… Tent?
Ant: Check.
Meg: Beer?
Ant: Check.
Meg: …
Ant: … Is that it?
Meg: Apparently.
Ant: What checklist are YOU readin’? It’s crap.
Meg: It’s the script.
Ant: OH… One of these days, I’ll stop with the ad-lib scenes.
Meg: … Erm… Food?



Ant: Will this suffice?
Meg: Sure!… If we get peckish throughout the night we can just eat each other.
Ant: Mmm well you are lookin’ pretty tasty right now actually.
Meg: Was that a euphemism!?
Ant: All in good nature though, yeah.
Meg: Hehe! Behave yourself!
Ant: Aw you know I’m just messin’.
Meg: This weekend’s gonna’ be fun!
Ant: You’re tellin’ ME? Gonna’ be the best getaway I’ve had in AGES!
Meg: A nice little getaway indeed.



Tim: So… On my own all day… I can manage… Oh I can manage… Let’s see what’s on the TV…



Sammy: You guys really ok with all this?
Rico: Hey, we wouldn’t leave you without your backup. Besides, I’m hardly gonna’ abandon my partner in what’s possibly the case of a lifetime.
Sammy: …
Rico: Erm, not that I’m doing this just for recognition or rewards or anythin’… no way!
Officer: Lead the way Sammy.
Sammy: Thanks… Wait, what’s your name anyway?
Officer: What do you mean by that???
Sammy: Well, up until now, you’ve only been scripted as “Officer”… So what’s your actual name?
Officer: It’s…
Sammy: …
Rico: …
Missy: …
Officer: … Eddie?



Sammy: Eddie the Escudo? (Starts to cry) WHY’D YA’ HAVE TO REMIND ME OF THAT!?
Officer: Aw man, I done it now.
Sammy: Meh, this show doesn’t fret over dramatic whatnot. So, you guys can have the choice-you wanna’ ride in Sigfrid the First or Sigfrid II?



Rico: Wow, that… that’s the choice of a lifetime Samson, I don’t know what to say.
Sammy: You’re welcome buddy-you’ve stuck by me all these years. It’s the LEAST I can do for ya’.
Rico: (Quietly) You can say that again…
Sammy: You’re welcome buddy-you’ve stuck by me all these years. It’s the LEAST I can do for ya’.
Rico: … This case better be worth it.
Officer: Ha, it looks like Sigfrid II’s gonna’ plot somethin’ against Sigfrid the First.
Sammy: He better not be! Mr BNB Siggy Sigfrid the Second don’t you DARE tell me that that’s the truth!… He hates when I full-name him.
Everyone: …



Tim: … I’m already going out of my mind with boredom.



Eliza: Hold on a minute… You’re ALL leaving the town? What about me!? You’re… you’re just cutting me out of this week’s episode?



Ant: Lizzie, I would never do that to you. Of course I’m not cuttin’ you out.
Eliza: Thanks Ant.
Ant: No problem. Well I’ll leave you an’ Miles to it then.
Eliza: WHAT?
Ant: Oh yeah, I forgot to send you the updated script-you’re spendin’ time with Miles today.
Eliza: I won’t do it!
Ant: It’s either Miles or Alan, your choice.
Eliza: Alan!
Ant: Really???
Eliza: …



Eliza: Fine, Miles.
Alan: Awwwrrr damn it… Plan B’s failed already then. Time to roll on Plan C.



Ant: Enjoy your weekend Lizzie.
Eliza: I hope you get a terrible hangover tomorrow morning.
Ant: I should hope so too! We aren’t drinkin’ excessively for nothin’!
Eliza: (Sigh)
Ant: Actually, hang on a minute…



Eliza: … Wow. And you called ME for driving on the wrong side of the road.



Kai: Good mornin’ Liz.
Eliza: Hi there.



Eliza: Hey, wait a minute!



Eliza: Darn, too late.



Miles: Alright Elza, let’s get this straight-I’m not happy with the arrangements either, but I’ll put up with you either way. Now I want you in bed by seven and not a minute late, what would your parents think if you stayed up too-
Eliza: Shut up Miles with your kid jokes I actually have a use for you today.
Miles: Awright!… I think.
Eliza: You’re a good investigator right?
Miles: The best.
Eliza: You can handle yourself in difficult situations?
Miles: From people pullin’ knives on me, to bein’ at gunpoint, to racin’, to kickin’ someone’s teeth in, to babysittin’.
Eliza: Wow, that’s quite a personal ad you have going on there.
Miles: Thanks. The list keeps growin’.
Eliza: That Kai person who’s recently been on the dust, he looks familiar and I could swear I know him from somewhere but I don’t know where. All I have to go on is I recognise his face and the fact he calls me Liz, which not many people do. But somehow, something about him makes me unable to place a name to him.
Miles: ‘N’ you want help identifyin’ this guy?
Eliza: … Yes please.
Miles: I can manage that. How we go about it though, I don’t know yet.
Eliza: Get to know him and report back to me?
Miles: Wow, you’d make a good undercover agent.
Eliza: Thank you!
Miles: I was kidding.
Eliza: Oh. Well YOU would know what makes a good agent?
Miles: Indeed I would.
Eliza: And how’s that?
Miles: … Never worry about that now. Focus on the task at hand.



Billie: Here we are.
Max: So this is Emerald City?
Billie: Yep.
Max: … Well I’m disappointed. I was expectin’ somethin’ more.
Billie: Heh, looks are deceiving in this place Max. The Rivet however…
Max: Looks more interestin’ than it actually is?
Billie: Oh no. The Rivet is somethin’ much different. You’ll see. Anyway, that’s another day, so enjoy yourself here for the time being.



Meg: Got the rug?
Ant: Here it is. I never take it out the car… Even though I forget where this car of mine’s been or where it came from… Got the food?



Meg: … I guess.
Ant: (Sigh) Alright, we’ll go back out an’ get stuff.
Meg: How could you forget the food to begin with?
Ant: ‘Cause… All I thought about was how amazin’ a time I was gonna’ have with you.
Meg: D’awwwwwwwwww.
Ant: That… an’ also I couldn’t fit any more in the car with all the alcohol.
Meg: Well, where’s the nearest place to get supplies then?



Max: So this joint any good?
Billie: Aside from the restaurants, this is my favourite diner to eat at when I’m here.
Max: Can’t argue with that then.
Billie: Hehe.
Max: …
Billie: Everything alright?



Daryl: Can’t see shit through this windshield now… Hang on…




(Glass smashes)
Daryl: There. That’s MUCH better.



Billie: Max?
Max: Huh?
Billie: You ok?
Max: Yeah, yeah I’m fine.
Billie: You look tired. Did you sleep well last night?
Max: I slept just fine. It was this mornin’ that took too much energy.
Billie: Hehe, yeah after you spend time with Mikey you get used to all that. You gain a sort of Mikey-immunity.
Max: Do I HAVE to?
Billie: You’ve all taken him on-board as one of your own so, you don’t have a choice in the matter.
Max: I’ll leave the worst up to Ant ‘n’ Chrissie.
Billie: Such a selfless gentleman.
Max: Thank you.
Billie: (Giggles)



Miles: Hey!
Kai: Hey.
Miles: How’s it goin’?
Kai: Not bad.
Miles: Great! So what’s your name?
Kai: Kai.
Miles: I meant your actual name, not your alias.
Kai: Thought an alias was all you needed to divulge in this town.
Miles: Erm…
Kai: …
Miles: Excuse me.



Miles: I told you it wouldn’t work.
Eliza: Because you’re such a bad actor.
Miles: That was both ironic and inaccurate. It’s not that I’m a bad actor, it’s just that playin’ the stupid innocent inquisitive guy just ain’t my style.
Eliza: Oh, then go and use your style then.
Miles: I can’t.
Eliza: Why not?
Miles: ‘Cause if I do, he might be killed.
Eliza: …
Miles: Not by me though.
Eliza: Ah right. Phew.
Miles: … Well, there’s a 60% chance it isn’t me that kills him anyway.
Eliza: I don’t feel safe around you anymore.



Max: So while we’re on the subject of Mikey, we didn’t finish that conversation last night.
Billie: What conversation?
Max: About you, Tim, Mikey and your brother.
Billie: Oh that… Mmm I dunno if I SHOULD.
Max: It isn’t a case of if you should, it’s a case of that you will.
Billie: Oh? How are you so sure that I will?
Max: ‘Cause you trust me, right?
Billie: … (Laughs) Oh Max… Alright then, you really wanna’ know?
Max: I’d enjoy nothin’ more.
Billie: Ok then…



Billie: I was fifteen. My dad was Marvegan and my mam was Denevian. Len was eighteen, same age as Tim. Our parents were poor and the only place we managed to find to stay that we could afford was in a slum town in the far end of Barmera, almost as well known as The Wasteland… Almost. It bordered with another town that was contradictive to the slums and was where the richest people that lived in Barmera stayed.
Max: If you were that rich, why would ya’ even bother stayin’ in Barmera?
Billie: Beats me. Anyway, it was one day in April, I was just wondering through the streets of this town when I was off school. I couldn’t afford anything but it made me happy to browse through the shops, hoping that one day I could actually go into one of them and not get kicked out again. It was just an average day as always until…



Billie: Oh!
Tim: Woah!
Billie: Oh I’m so so sorry about that! I wasn’t looking where I was going. Please forgive me.
Tim: It’s alright, don’t worry yourself about it.
Billie: Uhm…
Tim: Heh. I’m Timothy.
Billie: … Billie.
Tim: Billie… That’s a very pretty name.
Billie: Thank you.
Tim: …
Billie: (Goes red)



Leo: Bill! There ya’ are. What ya’ doin’?
Billie: I… Sorry Len, I just-
Leo: You just nothin’, ok? Ma’ asked us back home ten minutes ago, get your arse movin’.
Billie: Ok, I’m sorry.



Billie: I guess I have to go then. Well, goodbye.
Tim: Hey wait… Erm, here’s my number… Perhaps you might want to go out sometime?
Billie: Heh, erm… we don’t have a phone.
Tim: Ok, well here’s a few simoleons too. Next time you’re free, call me on a payphone then.
Billie: Alright. Thank you. I guess I’ll see you soon then Timothy… I hope.
Tim: I hope so too.



Billie: To tell you the truth, Len hated Tim from that very moment, even though he was a true honorary gentleman at the time. It was the social class difference I suppose that started their rivalry. Len told our parents about Tim and they had the same opinions as Len did. They didn’t want us mixing with Tim’s type of family because they saw it as if we’d become mere slaves… They always fell for them stereotypes. Out of me and Len, I was the only one who didn’t pick up my parents’ morals, or lack thereof. They told me not to see him again, but of course I wouldn’t listen. It wasn’t until a couple of months later…



Billie: I had an amazing night tonight Timothy… As always, of course.
Tim: Me too Billie, I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed myself as much.
Billie: Yeah, being wealthy is boring like that.
Tim: It really is! You can’t do anything once you have everything. And it isn’t like I have dreams to live towards anymore-whatever I want, I can get within the hour. There’s just no accomplishment in this life. But all of that just goes away when I’m with you-I forget about that life and everything feels normal… and that’s how I want it to stay.
Billie: …




Tim: I love you.
Billie: …
Tim: …
Billie: I…
Tim: Billie?
Billie: I… better get going. My family don’t like me staying out too late so… see you later.



Tim: … Hell, I’ve screwed up haven’t I?




Leo: An’ just what do you think YOU’RE doin’ huh?
Billie: Len! I nearly died there. What are you doing here?
Leo: Na-ah I asked you first, so speak up.
Billie: …
Leo: I know what you were doin’, I just SEEN ya’… you’ve been goin’ out with that Timothy all this time haven’t ya’?
Billie: Len, please-
Leo: No! Don’t even bother Bill! I love you, you mean more to me than mom and dad do but I still ain’t havin’ this.



Billie: No Len please don’t! After that, they grounded me. Wouldn’t let me leave the house unless it was for
school but Len always walked me there and back so I didn’t even have a chance to slip away. I didn’t know what was worse-not being able to see Tim ever again or the way things were left between us at this time.
Max: You loved him too?
Billie: I like your use of the past tense there Max. Yeah, I did… and I still do, it’s just bizarre times we’re living in right now.



(Knock on the door)
Leo: You not sleepin’ girl?
Billie: Can’t sleep.
Leo: You not unlockin’ your door to let me see you yet?
Billie: No.
Leo: I’m sorry about Timothy. Really I am. But you just have to see that it’s for the best this way.
Billie: Sure.
Leo: … Good night Bill. Love you.
Billie: Uh-huh.



Voice: Pssst!
Billie: Huh?



Billie: Timothy?
Tim: Billie… Can I maybe talk to you for a sec?
Billie: Erm… sure, go on.
Tim: … Like this? Can I maybe come up? Or you come down?
Billie: You can come up.
Tim: Alright…
Billie: Only!… Could you climb up here?
Tim: What’s wrong with the front door?
Billie: Just go along with this, I’ll explain when you’re up here. Use the pipe around the side.



Tim: This is why I hate physical effort.
Billie: Sure. You have your personal gardeners, maids, plumbers and whatnot to do all this for you. If it makes you feel better, I’ll come out the window. It’s a pretty tight squeeze even for me.
Tim: You’ve jumped out of it before?
Billie: … I’d rather not talk about it.
Tim: Here whenever you wish to discuss it then.
Billie: I don’t think I’d speak of it ever… No one knows what happened, and I’d like to keep it that way.



Tim: Well will you at least now tell me why you have me nearly breaking my neck? Or why I haven’t heard from you in a few days?
Billie: There’s something I never told you… The past couple months we’ve been going out, I’ve been forbidden to see you. I’ve had to sneak around but the other night my brother found out and got me grounded. Believe me, I wanted to see you, I didn’t like how I left the other night but I haven’t had the chance to explain myself.
Tim: Well now’s your chance.
Billie: Wait… you’re not mad for me lying about being allowed to see you?
Tim: Of course not. What, you think I’ve had it any different?
Billie: What?
Tim: Yeah-I was forbidden to see you too. But instead of sneaking around my mother and sister I just told them to go to hell and leave me be because I was in love with you… I AM in love with you.
Billie: Tim…
Tim: “Tim”? It’s no longer “Timothy”?
Billie: Sorry, I-
Tim: Oh no keep with “Tim” it sounds better.
Billie: …
Tim: You can continue with what you were about to say now.
Billie: I…



Billie: I love you too!
Tim: Should I be mildly concerned that we’re balancing on a fairly high up ledge?
Billie: Only a little bit.



Tim: Listen, this might sound really crazy, but… will you leave here with me?
Billie: What do you mean?
Tim: My grandfather, and indeed my father used to live in this small town in southern UMC near Hwaria. I’ve decided to go there myself… and I’m not coming back. I know it’s a big ask but, if the only way for us to be together is to leave our families then, I’ll do it. Will you come with me?
Billie: When?
Tim: Now.
Billie: Now?
Tim: Now. My stuff is packed and in the car. Just pack your bags quick and we can high tail it out of here. Don’t worry if you can’t bring everything-I have the number to my mother’s bank account so we have funding for anything we need.
Billie: It’s ironic that the rich often call US thieves, not the other way around.
Tim: I’ve never believed in irony. So what do you think?
Billie: … Ok.
(Knock on the door)
Leo: Bill? What’s goin’ on? Why can I hear voices?
Billie: Oh no.
Tim: Time to bail out.
Billie: What?



Billie: No!
Tim: Don’t panic, I got you.



(Door breaks open)
Leo: Bill!



Leo: Bill! What are you doin’?… Walker! That you!?
Tim: Farewell!
Leo: You get back here you rich pretentious bastard!



(Tyres screeching)
Billie: And that was us on our way to The Wasteland. Tim’s father, Ernest, had apparently walked out on him and his mother and sister with a group of guys to find their own town. Rumours said that them people were the Four Founders, but there was never any proof-no one knew the names of the people his father was with, and no one said that they’d seen his father here. Who knows, really.
Max: So how come Len… I mean Leo… Or, Len… ended up in The Wasteland if you ran from him?



Billie: Well…
Leo: Mom, dad, forgive me. Gotta’ do what I must-you made me promise to always be there for Bill.
Max: Ah, I see. So Ant‘s not the only one who stole his dad’s car…



Tim: Why is it SO HARD to be on my own in the house!? No stupid remarks from Ant, no Mikey, no rageful Meg… (Sigh) No Billie…
(Doorbell rings)
Tim: Oh, this’ll be that Hoffman fella’ or the little girl. They’re the only ones still in town that I know.



(Doorbell rings again)
Tim: Or perhaps it’s Lambert… Oh please not him.
(Doorbell rings three times)
Tim: Oh, this can only mean one person…



Leo: What’s the latest, arsehole?
Tim: Always a pleasure to see you too, ASShole.
Leo: Who said it was a pleasure to see you, dipshit?
Tim: You never change do you, jackass?
Leo: You gonna’ let me in or what, wanker?
Tim: Come in then, dickhead.
Leo: YOU’RE the dickhead, dickhead.



Eliza: That the best idea? Really?
Miles: You got a better solution!?
Eliza: (Sigh) No…
Miles: Exactly.
Eliza: No, I mean… No way! I’m not doing that!
Miles: What’s the matter?
Eliza: You want me to throw myself at him and act all desperate in the hope he’s going to tell me something?
Miles: Precisely. Show me you aren’t just a little girl after all.
Eliza: I won’t lose my… Aw no.
Miles: You won’t lose your what?
Eliza: I… No, I meant to say there’s no way I’d do anything with him. I don’t even know if he’s a danger to me!
Miles: He looks pretty harmless. Sure even you could get a good cheap shot out of him.
Eliza: That because I cheap-shotted you?
Miles: You caught me off-guard, but yeah I guess that’s a valid reason. But hold on a minute, you’re not gonna’ lose WHAT?
Eliza: Erm…
Miles: … Oh, you don’t mean…
Eliza: Exactly.
Miles: Oh, wow…
Eliza: Don’t say that I’m a little girl just because I haven’t… had-
Miles: No, no it’s ok. I understand. You don’t need to explain, I just had no idea. ‘Course, I respect you for that though-not a lot of people who haven’t by your age.
Eliza: You say that as if you’re so much older than me.
Miles: Well you’re eighteen aren’t you?
Eliza: Nineteen in January.
Miles: Well I’m twenty three so y’know. But yeah don’t fret over… THAT… maybe it’s best we don’t go down that path then.
Eliza: Best not to.
Miles: …
Eliza: … What?
Miles: I’m sorry, I just still can’t quite believe it. I mean… LOOK at you, you really haven’t ever had-
Eliza: No I haven’t. And what do you mean by “LOOK at you”?
Miles: Erm… well…
Eliza: … Oh my-!… Are you-… Oh wow I didn’t realise you thought that about me.
Miles: No no no that’s not what I mean!
Eliza: Uh-huh, yeah sure.
Miles: No I just meant that you’re attractive, I mean not ATTRACTIVE but… good lookin’, well not GOOD LOOKIN’ but… Well I mean I’m not sayin’ you’re NOT ‘cause you are but… I’m just gonna’ shut the hell up now ‘n’ stay silent. (Takes drink)
Eliza: …
Miles: …
Eliza: Ironic that you keep calling me a little girl and now you’re saying you think I’m attractive.
Miles: Stop it!
Eliza: Police can arrest you for that kind of thing you know.
Miles: That wouldn’t happen with me.
Eliza: And why not?
Miles: … I can’t say.
Eliza: (Sigh) This is a long weekend.



Meg: This the closest town?
Ant: Thought you knew the desert better than me? Besides, even if it wasn’t, which it is, but if it wasn’t, we’re here now so it don’t make no diff’.
Meg: Hey look over there!
Ant: What?



Ant: Oh-ho would ya’ look at that.
Meg: Shall we go mess with ‘em?
Ant: Nah we ain’t that mean.
Meg: Really?
Ant: No you’re totally right let’s go.




Ant: Chrissie!
Chrissie: Ant!
Mikey: Ant!
Ant: Mikey!
Meg: Mikey! Chrissie!
Chrissie: Meg!
Mikey: Meg!
Ant: Meg!
Meg: Ant!
Chrissie: Ant!
Ant: Chrissie!
Chrissie: Mikey!
Mikey: Chrissie?
(Long awkward silence)
Ant: … Well this has been a nice little get-together…



Max: So then what happened after that?
Billie: Len confronted us a few hours later when we made a pit stop. Took some persuading but, in the end, he decided he didn’t even want to go back himself. But he wasn’t leaving me, and I wasn’t leaving Tim. So as much as Len, and Tim, didn’t want to, Len stuck around so then there were the three of us.
Max: So what about-
Ant: Mikey!
Max: Yeah, Mikey. Thanks for that Ant… ANT?




Max: Ant!
Ant: Max!
Mikey: Max!
Max: Mikey!
Meg: Bill!
Billie: Ant! Meg! Mikey!
Ant: Bill!
Mikey: Billie!
Everyone: CHRISSIE!
Chrissie: …
Max: What are you DOIN’ here Mikey?
Mikey: We told you yesterday me ‘n’ Chrissie were comin’ up here today. What are YOU doin’ here Max?
Max: Me ‘n’ Billie decided to come up for the day seein’ as I ain’t been here before. What about YOU Ant?
Ant: Me an’ Meg were campin’ out in the canyon but forgot some stuff so we came here to get ‘em.
(Long silence)
Ant: … Well we gotta’ dash!
Chrissie: Yeah, I was going to say…
Max: We still have lunch to finish!
Meg: We better get back to the camp site!
Mikey: We gotta’-!… Erm…
Chrissie: Shop!
Mikey: Yeah, shop! Wait, what?… ACTUALLY! Yeah we need to go to a hardware shop!
Meg: A hardware shop?
Mikey: Yeah!
Meg: Why?
Mikey: Just… no reason!
Chrissie: Good enough for me!



Chrissie: Bye! Nice seeing you all!
Meg: Likewise!
Max: Yeah, it’s been great!
Ant: See y’all! I love you Chrissie!
Chrissie: I love you too!
Mikey: Bye everyone!
Billie: We should do this again sometime!
(Long silence)
Ant: … We all live in the same town.
Billie: I know, I meant… Bye!



Meg: What does Mikey want with a hardware shop? Tools? Wood? Paint?
Ant: I dunno, but that kind of place could equip Mikey with all he needs to destroy the world. An’ even then, he doesn’t need half of what he’d buy to accomplish that.



Billie: That was a nice little run-in.
Max: Sure… So, where were we?
Billie: You were asking about Mikey?
Max: Oh yeah, so how did he come to join you?
Billie: Ok, it was a few hours after Len had joined me and Tim, we were finally just getting into the desert, still a few hundred miles from The Wasteland…



Leo: Start you little BITCH start!
Tim: Billie, I pity everything you’ve had to go through in your life.
Billie: We’ve never had much money, but we always got by.
Tim: I meant your brother in general, really.



Leo: What was that Walker!?
Tim: Nothing, nothing.
Billie: Is it broken Len?
Leo: No, you know what? I’m faking it ‘cause it’s so fuckin’ fun WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK!? “IS IT BROKEN?”!?
Tim: Ok Leonard, calm down. Take it easy. If you want, just ditch the car and join us in mine.



Leo: Erm…
Tim: What!?
Billie: Desert raiders. So they really DO exist…
Tim: They’re stealing my car!?
Leo: TYPICAL! What are we gonna’ do NOW!? We’re stranded in the middle of the FUCKIN’ DESERT!
Billie: Len?
Leo: WHAT!?



Billie: We’re in some sort of small settlement already anyway so we aren’t ENTIRELY lost.
Leo: … Well, yeah… but… That’s not the point!
Tim: I know a thing or two about these kind of places. Chances are we can wander into their saloon and there’ll be someone in there with a car and, for the right price, will take you anywhere no matter the distance. Kind of like an unofficial cab driver.
Leo: Didn’t know you rich snobs knew what a cabbie was, thought y’all had chauffeurs ‘n’ all that.
Tim: You’ll be surprised.



(Jukebox music plays)
Tim: There’s bound to be someone in this place that can help us.
(Jukebox music stops)



Leo: Somethin’ tells me we’s ain’t welcome ‘round here.



Billie: Erm… Howdy? We’re… uhm… looking for a long-distance driver who could perhaps take the three of us a few hundred miles south towards Hwaria?
(Long silence)
Billie: … I feel intimidated.
Tim: Aw-kward.
Leo: Actually, I think I’d blend in better if I were on my own.
Tim: We can pay you for the trouble, of course.
Voice: What!?… Oh yeah, I can do that. No problemo!



Tim: Are you sure?
Mikey: Of course!
Leo: I don’t think so.
Billie: What’s wrong?
Leo: He don’t look old enough.
Mikey: Ahem… I’ll have you know that I’m seventeen.
Leo: Legal driving age is eighteen.
Mikey: Look do ya’ want my help or not?
Tim: … Alright.
Billie: And so there we met Mikey. He told us he had run from home-just like me, Tim and Len… And also like Ant and Chrissie.
Max: ‘N’ me.
Billie: And you. Hey, we’re all runaways when you think about it then. Anyway, Mikey was desperate for the money and he said he couldn’t find any work, so he took up long distance driving for people in an emergency. Hence why we had no choice but to use him despite him being underage for driving.
Max: Yeah but hold on a minute… Wasn’t this five years ago?
Billie: Exactly.
Max: ‘N’ Mikey told you he was seventeen at the time?
Billie: Correct. Which brings us to the last chapter…



Tim: Oh spiffing.
Billie: (Sigh) We’ll never make it.
Leo: What the hell’s your problem Felling? Can ya’ not DRIVE?
Mikey: Well…
Leo: How old are ya’ really? Ya’ say ya’ seventeen but ya’ look too young even for that.
Mikey: … Ok! I’m thirteen alright!?
Everyone: What!?
Mikey: I’m sorry! I was just desperate for the money ‘n’ I thought: “drive a few hundred miles… how hard can THAT be?”
Tim: Too much for you it seems.
Mikey: How was I supposed to know about changin’ gears!?… As if I’ve ever driven before.
Billie: NOW what are we going to do? We’re lost, and being in the desert alone at night is really dangerous.
Mikey: I’m scared!
Leo: Grow up you baby!
Tim: Wait…
Leo: WHAT!?



Tim: See up ahead?
Leo: That where we headed?
Tim: Yep. Think so, anyway. Can’t really see much.
Billie: We’re finally here!
Leo: That was rather convenient if ya’ ask me.
Mikey: Erm… guys? I don’t… suppose I could stay with you could I?
Tim: Hmmm, I’m not sure…
Leo: No way in hell!
Billie: Erm, guys?
Leo and Tim: What?



Billie: Awww Mikey…
Leo: Not workin’ on me buddy.
Mikey: (Eyes start watering)
Tim: … Damn it! Fine, alright Michael… You can come along. But only because of Billie.



Leo: Bill, you realise this is your fault?
Billie: I don’t care Len, he’s a sweet guy at heart. He’s my age, sort of, so it’s fair that I’m the only one who understands him.
Voice: TIM! I finally got ya’ now!
Tim: Oh please no, it can’t be.
Billie: Who is it?



Tim: … My sister.
Kim: An’ what the FUCK do ya’ think you’re doin’ buddy!?
Leo: Thought you guys were posh ‘n’ stuck-up? This’un sure isn’t.
Tim: Kim was always the bad seed. Why are you here Kim?
Kim: Ma’ had me lookin’ for ya’s an’ I made it.
Tim: Mother let you come alone? You’re only fourteen, what do you think YOU’RE doing? And how did you even get here?
Kim: I do have my ways ya’ know. I got my pals who have their cars, said to me they’d lemme’ hitch a ride so far. Figured I got in the region before you did so I decided to hang loose an’ see ya’ show.
Tim: Well now you can go back and tell mother it was all for nothing.
Kim: Hell naw! No way! I ain’t goin’ back! This cow-town’s just my kinda’ style. THIS is how I roll bro, ya’ should know that by now.
Tim: (Sigh) How did the idea go from running away to be alone with just Billie end up being a union of the worst parts of both families?



Mikey: Oh this is gonna’ be SO fun! I can hardly wait! Aren’t you excited!? This is SO INCREDIBLE!
Tim: Oh man…
Kim: Who the hell’s THIS loudmouth? He’s on my freakin’ nerves already.



Billie: So there you have it. That’s how we came here.
Max: Yeah but… you didn’t answer my original question.
Billie: Oh, sorry… What was it again?
Max: How is it that Tim’s changed since then?
Billie: Oh that!… I don’t really know. He started making his own money, becoming as rich as his family’s always been. I suppose that wealth stole his soul, mainly because he’s actually so much like his family now. Also, maybe his sister rubs off on him, she’s… quite a strong-hearted girl. Or maybe it’s his mother that had an effect on him, since Tim’s never seen his father since he was about six years old.
Max: Do we all have problems with our dads?
Billie: Except for Elizabeth… and maybe Miles, but I can’t say for certain since he’s very secretive.
Max: More so compared to the rest o’ya’, ‘n’ that’s sayin’ somethin’.
Billie: What about YOUR dad then Max?
Max: MY dad?
Billie: Yeah.
Max: …




Man: What the hell happened to your car dude!?
Daryl: Got shot at this mornin’. Needed to improve the visibility a speck… As you young kids say-“ya’ dig?”



Man: Yeah, yeah I dig ya’ bro.





Daryl: Don’t worry Max-soon I’ll have given these guys the slip permanently. After that, you ‘n’ me in The Wasteland kid, we’ll be sound. Just wait.
(Loud knocking sound and gun clicking)
Daryl: Huh?



Meg: Oh Ant, it’s so beautiful isn’t it?
Ant: Yeah ya’ are, but the sky ain’t too bad either.
Meg: Hehe I thought I told you to behave!
Ant: Oh… Well in that case I do apologise.
Meg: Mmm I’m so comfortable I could fall asleep on you right now.
Ant: By all means, go ahead. But don’t drool on me… well ACTUALLY I’m not too bothered about ya’ droolin’.
Meg: (Laughs) Oh well if I’m allowed to then I may as well take advantage shouldn’t I?
Ant: You takin’ advantage of me? Funny, I always figured it woulda’ been the other way ‘round.
Meg: (Blushes) Well… If you WANT to, I won’t stop you.
Ant: Haha, ok now YOU behave!
Meg: Sorry!
Ant: Besides, ya’ can’t sleep just yet-we still got a truckload of alcohol to have.
Meg: Oh yeah, how could I forget? I’m gettin’ you REALLY drunk tonight I hope you realise.
Ant: Oh no, I’m gettin’ YOU really drunk tonight.
Meg: Let’s just both get really drunk.
Ant: Oh yeah, ‘cause that’s only gonna’ end well.
Meg: We won’t know ‘till we try.
Ant: Can’t exactly camp out an’ not drink I suppose.
Meg: Exactly.
Ant: … I already feel drunk with the way we’re goin’ on.
Meg: Me too, strangely.




Sammy: Ok everyone, before we go in there, I oughta’ explain how these things work-when you go in there, act cool, ‘n’ don’t be too loud or get carried away with yourself.
Rico: Erm, Samson, Eddie’s worked in narcotics for nearly five years, I’ve been with you on the force ever since we both started, and Missy’s a cokehead herself so she’s not unfamiliar to dealing with a dope peddler.
Missy: Oi! I find that offensive!
Rico: Well you have though, to be fair.
Missy: I meant I find it offensive that you called me a cokehead.
Rico: Oh I’m terribly sorry… A common, run-of-the-mill, not at all offensive junkie then.
Missy: (Sigh)
Rico: I’ve spent too much time around Sammy.
Sammy: Agreed!… Wait, what?
Officer: Let’s just head in.



Suspect: Well if it isn’t my favourite cops!
Rico: Well if it isn’t… I’m sorry, you also weren’t cast with a name… who are you? Aside from the random guy we interrogated in episode one?
Suspect: Erm… Eddie?
Sammy: Oh will you guys QUIT IT!?
Rico: So much for acting cool and not getting carried away Sammy.



Sammy: Alright, I’m cool. So… Eddie…



Sammy: Let’s talk business-



Sammy: OW!
Rico: Fall off the chair?
Sammy: A little bit.



Miles: So? How’d the plan go?
Eliza: It didn’t.
Miles: Why not?
Eliza: I put them tablets in Kai’s drink, but it had no effect on him. He didn’t tell me anything!
Miles: Strange… Which tablets you give ‘im?
Eliza: The white ones.
Miles: What!? Oh man you was supposed to give ‘im the ORANGE ones!
Eliza: No, you told me the white ones would make him high but also give the equivalent of truth serum, while the orange ones were just Tic-Tocs that you offered me.
Miles: No! It’s the other way around!
Eliza: Oh… Why do you have them kind of things in your pocket anyway?
Miles: … I can’t say… We can still try again though. You got the orange ones?
Eliza: No, a guy I know from the track asked me for some Tic-Tocs earlier on when I passed him in the street.
Miles: Oh great, so now we’re gonna’ get Alterra only knows who off their face ‘n’ all doped up. Who’d ya’ give ‘em to?
Eliza: Erm…



Billie: Thank you for today Max, it really helped relax me.
Max: I didn’t realise you needed relaxin’.
Billie: Well… You know, Tim and Len and everything… Brought all the old memories back… Well good night Max, I’ll see you later.
Max: Take care of yourself.





Billie: … Oh for the love of the great sands!



(Tim and Leo both giggly and laughing)
Leo: So I says to ‘im: “Dude, that ain’t no woman!”
Tim: HAHAHA! NO… WAY!!! Oh my… What he say what he say what he say!?
Leo: He says “OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH? What is it like?” So I… say to ‘im… I think I’m gonna’ be sick.
Tim: Why would you say that to him?
Leo: No I mean, I’m really gonna’ be sick…



Billie: What’s going on here?
Tim: Oh hey there sweetums! Me ‘n’ Leon… Erm, I mean Leroy… No, Leo… thought we should have a back throw to the good old times ‘n’ broke open the liquorice cabinet.
Billie: You mean a throwback, not a back throw. And it’s the liquor cabinet not the LIQUORICE cabinet!
Tim: Oh…
Leo: I tell ya’, I could really go for some liquorice right about now though.
Tim: Oh me too me too me too!
Billie: You both are so wasted… And are you both high on something?
Leo: WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! What on ALTERRA would make ya’ think THAT!? We’ve just had a few drinks, ‘n’ ate a few Tic-Tocs. Nothin’ wrong with that! They were the orange ones too! The best!
Tim: I TOTALLY agree!!!
Billie: …



Tim: Oh, he’s fainted…………… HAHAHAHA!
Billie: (Sigh) Timothy, sometimes…
Tim: Uh-oh, I’m following suit.
Billie: What?



Billie: … It’s good to be back home.




Max: Hey… Hold on a minute…



Max: MIKEY!