Episode 16 - The House Always Wins (The Unfinished Part, Part 1) - Part 2

Tim: Tell Alan we won’t join the race… We’re uhm…
Leo: Are you sure these cigs you got me from that gas station are JUST tobacco Tim? Feels like they have a bit of Kleptin in ‘em.
Tim: What the hell’s that?
Leo: High quality drug, good stuff. Kinda’ like a blue grassy type substance that you put in these cigs. Had it back in high school all the time, makes you take the bestest fuckin’ trips ever… Huh? Oh sorry, what was that Alan?… Oh yeah, no we’re too uhm… tired to race now. Yeah, it’s been a long trip. Alrighty bye-bye.



Tim: You tell him we were drunk?
Leo: No I didn’t tell ‘im we were drunk. We AREN’T drunk!
Tim: So what do you call us having all that booze in the bar when we passed through Shvovesburgundyville, huh?
Leo: You mean “Shrovesburyville” you drunken slosh.
Tim: Aha! You ADMIT that we’re drunk!… And a little bit high from them joints of yours. Now we’re hot-boxing the entire fricken’ car!
Leo: … Hang on, we were at Shrovesburyville?
Tim: Yeah, and?
Leo: Isn't that like 90 miles off to the west? In other words, the exact opposite direction to where we're meant to go for 170 miles trip north to The Rivet?
Tim: ...
(Tim and Leo burst into laughter)
Leo: When will we have another episode on this show where we aren't completely useless and of sound mind?
Tim: (Laughs) I have no idea… Stop slouching in your seat will you!?




Ant: We’re here!
Meg: (Whistles triumphantly) WOOH!

Update April 2021 - I dug out the remainder of the script from the soggy waste basket that is my writing.... Not much has changed let's be honest. The remainder of this feature is just text to the end, with descriptions of what was supposed to have been filmed. I'd have completed it if it weren't a mahoosively tall order, especially in the lead-up to a Moonstone reboot. So enjoy and in the meantime, stay frosty as always

#Ant and Meg in the car

Ant: Aw man, we’ll have ACED this trip!
Meg: An’ then you’ll get your surprise before we go home.
Ant: Fuck yeah!
Meg: I wanted to go back to what we was sayin’ earlier though.
Ant: Sure. What?
Meg: So, those questions Max asked you ‘bout me an’ Chrissie… You answered them all for me an’ not for her?
Ant: Yeah… Don’t wanna’ talk ‘bout that.
Meg: No, no! Not that, I just wanted to ask why you said I wished I was ginger?
Ant: ‘Cause you do.
Meg: Only for you personally, since I know your attraction towards redheads… And YES, I think I might look that little bit hotter if I were ginger too.
Ant: A little bit hotter? That even possible?
Meg: (Giggles) Oh Ant, behave… At least for now.

#Ant spots Chrissie and Mikey having arrived before them

Ant: What!? WHY!?
Meg: Uh-oh.

#Chrissie spotting that Ant and Meg have arrived also

Chrissie: What!? WHY!?
Mikey: Uh-oh.

#Ant and Meg exit the car, approach Chrissie and Mikey

Ant: Good game. I’d congratulate you but… is it REALLY a surprise that you’d get here first in that machine compared to us in the Hunka?
Meg, Mikey and Chrissie: Yomoshoto.
Ant: WHATEVER!
Chrissie: Gee Ant, such a spoilsport aren’t you?
Ant: I’m not a spoilsport, I’m merely pointin’ out what you already know which is that you had a much greater advantage than we, or anyone else did.
Chrissie: Then swap cars on the way back, I’m sure I’ll kick your butt still.
Ant: Don’t be so cocky.
Chrissie: Why? Is that your job?
Ant: Exactly. I’M the one with the big head and ego here, I don’t need some stuck-up bitch to take the role too.
(Mikey and Meg inhale sharply)
Chrissie: I’m sorry!? What was that you just said!?
Ant: Need your damn ears tested woman!? I said “I DON’T NEED SOME STUCK-UP BITCH TO TAKE THE ROLE!”

#Random passer-by takes notice of all the commotion, unaware of it being for TV

Woman: (Whispers to herself) Jeez, draw attention to yourselves why dontcha’…
Ant: …
Chrissie: (Quietly) Don’t forget we’re filming this live. That woman walking past was looking at you funny.
Ant: (Quietly) I’m used to that. But yeah, I was wonderin’ if I said that a bit too loud… Resume usual programming.
Chrissie: Fine then!

#Chrissie storms off, Mikey awkwardly pauses in front of Ant

Mikey: I’ll be right behind you Chrissie!
Ant: …
Mikey: … Hehe… (Smiles innocently)… TAMMY!

#Mikey spots Tammy show up and races towards her

Mikey: TAMMY!

#Tammy punches Mikey out of nowhere

Mikey: OW!

#Mikey falls to the floor

Mikey: Tammy!? I only wanted a hug!

#Tammy repeatedly kicks Mikey on the ground as he cowers

Mikey: Waaaaaaaaaaah!

#Tammy storms off away from him in disgust

Tammy: Back the hell away from me you utter creep!

#Mikey looks sadly on as his friend leaves

Mikey: OW! Tammy why!?

#The Desert Cats hang back and witness Tammy's violence, as Ant approaches them

Kim: She’s taught well.
Stace: A little too well. We wanted her to be her nerdy yet loyal self again but instead we made her an Ali-clone.
Hay-Hay: Hi Ant!
Ant: Hey felines, you’re all lookin’ PURR-fect today.
(Kim, Hay-Hay and Stace all giggle and blush)

#Ant gets all his Desert Cat cuddles in

Ant: Tell Tammy I want my hug off her later on, right?
Stace: Sure. Once the blind fury dies down.
Ant: I’ll get one off Ali when we get back. Poor thing, I hope she’s ok.

#Ali back at The Wasteland, on the phone

Ali: Oh, I see… Well I’ll tell Tim when he comes back. Ok, bye.

#Ellie appears

Ellie: Who was that?
Ali: It was your dad. He’s still in hospital even after a whole two months and could be in for up to another month. So you and your sisters are gonna’ be here a while longer. But you’re ok with that, right?
Ellie: He’s not my dad… And Charley and Gabby aren’t my sisters.
Ali: Aww c’mon now honey of course they are.
Ellie: …
Ali: I know what this is about, don’t I?
Ellie: You do?
Ali: Ant told me what happened.
Ellie: You know Antony?
Ali: Sure. We’re pretty close, he’s a great guy to talk to. Helps my temper when I get cross.
Ellie: Cross?
Ali: When people are very bad… (Smiles) Know what I mean?
Ellie: (Giggles a little) So you… You’re close with Antony too?
Ali: Yeah, I am.
Ellie: I love Antony.
Ali: … I do too sweetie, he looks after us.
Ellie: You’re really nice for someone who has a temper.
Ali: (Laughs) Well it’s best you behave then so you don’t see me with my temper.

#Ali playfully tickles and plays with Ellie

Ali: You wouldn’t like me with my temper… RAWR!
(Ellie laughs hysterically)

#Chrissie is shocked at Mikey's wounds

Chrissie: MIKEY! Oh sweet sands, are you ok!?
Mikey: (Cries) Tammy hates me for some reason.

#Chrissie cradles Mikey

Chrissie: It’s ok sweetheart, it’s ok. Ssssshhhhh.
Mikey: (Sniffles) I don’t understand. We were so happy this morning and now all I did was go for a hug and she kept attacking me mercilessly… (Cries again)
Chrissie: I don’t get it either… She’s always so caring and loving. There again, everyone’s acting out-of-character today it seems.
Mikey: It’s not fair! Why do our best friends have to turn on us!?
Chrissie: I don’t know Mikey, I don’t know. But hey, we have each other.
Mikey: (Sounds sad and monotonous) Yaaaaaaaay…

#Miles, Robbie and Woody (Keith) in-car as they arrive at The Rivet

Miles: We’re here!
(Loud thumping from the trunk)
Miles: (Sighs) For FUCKSSAKE!

#Miles exits the car as another passer-by is confused by the commotion coming from the car

(Woman frowns at noise coming from the trunk)
Miles: … Hi there gorgeous…
Woman: (Smiles reluctantly)
Miles: I’m an actor.
Woman: (Suddenly looks interested) Really?
Robert: We’re acting now, get her number later.
Miles: Wait around for me babe.
Woman: I will.

#Robbie and Woody looking concerned, still in the back seats

(Thumping from the boot)
Voice: Is someone out there? Please help me!
Miles: I told you to shut up!
Keith: Do we still have time to run from him?
Voice: Please have mercy on me!
Miles: I’ll show you fuckin’ mercy!
Voice: OWWW! WHY!? PLEASE! NO MORE!
Robert: … No, we’re far too late.

#Miles casually gets back into the car

Miles: Shall we chaps?

#Miles addresses Robbie and Woody directly

Miles: So, what say we go for a drink a little later on?

#Robbie and Woody stare at each other in fear

Keith and Robert: …

#Wes and Eliza scan their room upon entering

Wes: Oh… Erm…
Eliza: Where’s the other bed?
Wes: … Well this is awkward. I swear I booked for a twin room and a single. But I said TWIN not DOUBLE! Do the staff not know the difference?
Eliza: Hmmm…

#Eliza nonchalantly hops onto the bed and lies down

Eliza: I’ll take this side.
Wes: What? You… You don’t want to go switch rooms?
Eliza: You heard what the receptionist said: they’re fully booked tonight. It’s ok, I trust you Wes. Nothing’s going to happen, I know you.
Wes: Well… I’m glad you trust me.
Eliza: Great! I’m just going to go freshen up.

#Al and Ricky still in their car on the open road

(Phone rings)
Alan: Hmm… Yello!

#Wes in his and Eliza's room

Wes: Al, it’s me.

#Al and Ricky again

Alan: Wesley Dunaway. Always a pleasure. What brings you to call me on this fine afternoon, huh?
Wes: Why are you being so…
Alan: Happy? Cheerful?
Wes: Posh.
Alan: POSH!?… Well, we’re almost at The Rivet now so we’re baskin’ in our glory waitin’ to declare victory over you guys.

#Wes again

Wes: Erm… Dunno how to tell you this but we’re already here… Checked in and in our room.

#Al and Ricky, Al now unhappy

Alan: What!? HOW!?
Wes: You’re hardly being snappy are you? We’re here, Antony and Megan are here, Mikey and Christine are here, I saw Miles and Robert and Keith all passing through earlier, and all The Desert Cats came in their team van.
Alan: WHAT!? Damn it Ricky!
Ricky: It’s not my fault this heap of shit’s so slow, should get a better car.
Alan: Hey! I WILL for the next season, ok!?
Wes: Richard’s with you?
Alan: Yeah.
Wes: So who’s manning The Wildboar?
Alan: Closed for the weekend.

#Teddy continues happily drinking unsupervised in The Wildboar

Teddy: Some pretty damn good service this is. Richard oughta’ disappear more often. I guess I SHOULD be concerned about where he’s disappeared-he might even be in danger… Meh, I’ll consider worrying after I get pissed more.

#Wes again

Wes: Listen Al, I need your help.

#Al and Ricky again

Alan: Name it.
Wes: So I booked a twin and single room before we left, you remember right?
Alan: Sure.
Wes: Well there was a misunderstanding with the booking and instead of a twin we got a double and there’s no way to change the booking.
Alan: Haha! Way to go Wes! Wow, after all these plans you decided to just go for it and shack up with her in The Rivet. Great thinkin’ buddy! I love it!

#Wes again

Wes: No! It isn’t like that ok!? But she’s alright with sharing a bed because she trusts me and knows I won’t take advantage.

#Al and Ricky again

Alan: Yeah, ‘cause you’re such a pathetic wuss.
Wes: Stop that! I’m not kidding!
Alan: Well I am! So you’re sharin’ a bed together and she’s alright with it, so what? What’s the big deal? Can’t keep it in your trousers or somethin’?
(Ricky laughs)
Wes: NO! It isn’t that!
Ricky: Put him on loudspeaker will you? I feel like I’m missing out.
Alan: Sure thing Ricky.
(Bleep)
Wes: What was that?
Alan: Nothin’. So what IS the problem, Wesmeister? Tell me.
Wes: “Wesmeister”? Seriously?… I just feel awkward being so close to her, in a bed, and her in her nighty.
Alan: ‘Cause you loooooooooooove her!
Wes: Oh don’t start with this again.
Alan: Hey, you booked the room, not me.
Wes: It was a mistake!
Alan: Oh sure, sure. Yeah, totally. Is that what they call it these days?
Ricky: Hey Wesley! Make sure you stay safe and use protection if you know what I mean!
(Alan and Ricky burst into laughter)
Wes: Ricky?… DO YOU HAVE ME ON LOUDSPEAKER HERE!?
Alan: I might do.
Wes: YOU BLOODY LITTLE-
(Alan hangs up)

#Wes again, now unhappy

Wes: Hello!? HELLO!? ANSWER ME AL DAMN IT!

#Al and Ricky again, now much happier

Alan: He’s never gotten mad before, so I figured it’s best I let him deal with it himself.
Ricky: Very thoughtful of you Alan, looking out for your friend.
Alan: Sure.
(Silence)
(Alan and Ricky burst into laughter again)
Alan: Use protection!
Ricky: Can’t keep it in your trousers?
Alan: “DO YOU HAVE ME ON LOUDSPEAKER!?”
Ricky: “Stop it! I’m not kidding!”
Alan: (In a girly childish voice-“imitating” Wes) Oh, it was an accident I swear! I didn’t mean to book just the one bed with me and the girl I’m desperately in love with…
(Ricky starts crying with laughter)
Alan: Oh, I’m ever so sorry Lizzie. Sorry that I accidentally came out of my pants last night, I didn’t mean it! But erm… While we’re on the subject… Was it good for you?
Ricky: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh bloody hell… (Tries to copy Alan’s impression voice) More importantly, I DID use protection didn’t I?
(Alan and Ricky laugh harder)

#Eliza returns

Eliza: Back again!
Wes: Was everything alright?
Eliza: Yeah. Sorry I took a while, I was distracted by looking at all the lovely bath salts they have on the shelf in there. I love a good long scented bubble bath.
Wes: That’s good then. Something to look forward to later, huh?
Eliza: Yeah, sure.
(Silence)
Eliza: Were you saying something when I was in there?
Wes: No… Erm, I was just checking where Alan was. Ricky’s with him.
Eliza: Ricky’s with him? But isn’t he meant to be running The Wildboar while Lucinda’s taking care of Tim’s nieces?
Wes: Oh it’s fine. He’s just shut it for the weekend since there’s literally no one in town. Well, unless Kieran came back.
Eliza: I don’t know where he is, he disappeared the day I found out who he really was. He’s never even came after me since. So The Wasteland’s really empty, huh?
Wes: Yep.

#Teddy wanders The Wildboar aimlessly while approaching a wall

Teddy: Leonard’s missing out here, he’d LOVE this! (Takes a drink) … Oh shit there’s a wall in front of me!

#Teddy does not stop in time for the wall

Teddy: Oof!

#Teddy is floored by said wall

Teddy: Yarp, I di’n’t ‘ave a chance avoidin’ that’un.

#Max and his crew in the car

Max: So Billie, what can ya’ say ‘bout The Rivet?
Billie: Nothing more than you know until we get there. Don’t worry, I’ll be your tour guide if you like.
Max: I’d love that… Only, what about Tim?
Billie: Tim?… Eh, well… I’d rather not today, thanks.
Daryl: (Whispers) Hear that kid? She’d rather you than her “boyfriend.” You’re golden, you’re in there!
Max: (Whispers) Dad, stop it. It was bad enough you sayin’ Meg was hot, I don’t need you to patronize me about my love life.
Daryl: So you DO love her!
Max: Not LOVE, just… LIKE!
Billie: Who’s this, sorry?
Bystander: Yeah, who’s Max like?
Daryl: I’ve told you buddy.
Bystander: Oh… (Realises Billie is next to him) Oh!
Max: HE knows as well!?
Daryl: What’s the problem with that?
Max: I don’t even know his name, for one!
Bystander: Well, if you like, I could now tell y-
Max and Daryl: NO!
Billie: Who is this? Someone Max likes?
Max: No, no, it’s nothin’, it’s no one. Really, it’s just-
Billie: It’s Meg isn’t it?
Max: What?
Billie: You don’t want me to know in case I accidentally tell Ant and he’ll get cross. Not because he likes her, but because he’s very protective of her.
Max: He’s protective of YOU, ‘n’ I don’t see him tearin’ you away from Tim.
Billie: True, but him and Meg are as close as can be though aren’t they?
Daryl: But they’re just friends?
Billie: Yeah.
Max: Yeah…

#Ant and Meg check out Meg's room

Ant: You got yourself a double room?
Meg: Yeah, well… I like my room.
Ant: I’m sure you do.

#Meg lies back on the bed and puts her feet in the air... Wearing a skirt, Ant is now checking out more than just the room

Meg: Ah! This is comfortable.
Ant: There must’ve been a problem with the booking, ‘cause I’ve just seen a LOT more than I paid for.

#Meg sits back up in an embarrassed rush

Meg: (Blushes extremely and pulls an embarrassed smile)
Ant: Do I pay extra for that?
Meg: (Giggles) No, no…
Ant: Tip not included though, right?
Meg: Wow, you’re on fire today aren’t you?
Ant: I thought it was you who was on fire, being as hot as you are.
Meg: Gee, take a break will you? Save some material for later. So… What do we do now?
Ant: I’m wonderin’ what to do ‘bout tonight-me an’ Chrissie may be on bad terms but I still gotta’ spend the night with her eventually.
Meg: Well… You could stay in here with me tonight if you want?
Ant: In here?… In your bed?… Sure you don’t mind?
Meg: We’ve shared a sleepin’ bag in a tent before, we’re no strangers to each other when it comes to spendin’ the night together.
Ant: What a strange way to put it, but yet so true.
Meg: (Smiles and looks adorable)
Ant: … I’ll go get my bags out of the car then.

#Ant leaves the room and runs into Chrissie out in the hall

Ant: Chrissie!
Chrissie: Ant!
Ant: Hey… So, yeah, uhm…
Chrissie: Yeah…
Ant: Sorry for completely losin’ my cool with you just before.
Chrissie: It’s ok, don’t apologise. I asked for it.
Ant: … Well I’m stayin’ with Meg in her room tonight.
Chrissie: Oh, ok then. Well Mikey’s in ours because Tammy beat him up earlier, so it’s just as well you’re elsewhere tonight.
Ant: Splendid! Normally I’d be very intrigued to hear what the hell’s goin’ on with Tammy but this situation between you an’ me is already so awkward I just wanna’ go!
Chrissie: Yeah, me too, bye!

#Farther down the corridor, Ant runs into a beautiful receptionist

Hannah: Is everything ok sir?
Ant: Yeah, thank you.
Hannah: Alright, well I’m Hannah Woodrow. If you need anything, just call me at reception and I’ll take care of everything for you.
Ant: Thank you. Are you a personal assistant or something?
Hannah: (Giggles) Well, no not really. I’ve only been working here a couple of months so I’m just here to satisfy the needs of the guests. Making good first impressions to the boss and all that.
Ant: Was that a euphemism?
Hannah: (Laughs) You would think so, but no… I do get that remark a lot though.
Ant: I’m not surprised-it seems these days it’s the most popular phrase for the public to say.
Hannah: Yeah, I noticed that too. I’m not sure why, but you seem familiar to me somehow.
Ant: I doubt it.
Hannah: How come?
Ant: If you knew me, you wouldn’t be questioning whether or not you did-I’m a very select kind of guy. And… Well, I for one never forget a pretty face.
Hannah: (Blushes) Oh my.

#Max's crew finally arrive into the thick of the city

Billie: And here we are.
Bystander: WOW!

#A wide shot of the general district they're in

Billie: Rivet City, Ferroper’s adult playground so to speak. Not just Ferroper, but for the whole of southern UMC.

#A casino

Billie: Casinos…

#A restaurant

Billie: Restaurants…

#A nightclub

Billie: Nightclubs…

#A mish-mash of a busy street with a variety of establishments lined up

Billie: Hotels and combinations of all of the above.

#In-car shot again

Billie: Anything you want here, you’ve got it. Food, drink, music, girls, guys, cars, parties, dancing, TV.
Bystander: Oh I LOVE TV! I need to catch up on The Brentstone Bureau, I’ve not seen it for a while.
Max: That’s all we ever watch normally. But I could do with a double-feature myself.
Daryl: We ain’t here to be watchin’ TV fellas, we’re here to live it up in the big city ‘n’ enjoy ourselves this weekend. So get with the program ‘n’ do exactly that, got me?
Bystander: … Does Sammy still have that Escudo?
Daryl: Damn it!
Max: Naw, it got wrote off in a high-speed chase.
Bystander: Oh? So what he got now?
Max: Well, due to The Bureau’s budgeting cuts, he got a BNB Sigfrid.
Bystander: WHAT!? What stupid idea is THAT!?
Max: Makes good TV, I assure ya’. The show’s actually been better since in my opinion.
Daryl: Shut UP! Both of ya’s be quiet!
(Long silence)
Bystander: … Does Rico have his own car yet?
Max: Yeah, an Andromeda HRS. Doesn’t feature much though.
Daryl: Argh! ENOUGH!
(Long silence again)
Billie: So Max, once we get settled, what would you like to do?
Daryl: I could think of a couple of things.
Max: Stop it! Cut it out!
Billie: Is something wrong?
Max: …
Daryl: No Billie, nothing’s wrong. Max can’t wait to spend the weekend with you, right Maxey?
Max: Oh please no! I haven’t been called Maxey by anyone for so long.
Daryl: Well it was time to change that.

#Leo and Tim in Tim's car

Leo: So ya’ mean to tell me that Kim broke the chap’s arm?
Tim: What do you expect? She doesn’t like anyone laying hands on her unless she wants ‘em to.
Leo: How many people she actually let touch her?
Tim: Let’s see now… There was Derek, her first boyfriend. Cheated on her so she broke his arm and shattered his collarbone.
Leo: Nasty.
Tim: There was Nathan who got all weepy and emotional for her liking so she dumped him. Erm… Everyone else really tried to grab her against her wishes so they all had something broken at the very least.
Leo: You’re forgettin’ one person.
Tim: Ant? Yeah, ok, she let him. Though it was more she wanted him to rather than offering. (Sigh) That’s another thing that puts us apart-she’s really close to Ant, as all The Desert Cats are.
Leo: An’ you hate him.
Tim: I don’t HATE him, he’s good with Ellie and the like. But… I don’t like my girl telling someone else things that she won’t even tell me. And I HATE people getting along with Kimberly.
Leo: Why?
Tim: Because I don’t! If anyone gets along with my sister, it should be me!
Leo: Well, you are pretty different. You’re a snob an’ she’s… Cool.
Tim: She was always the bad seed. Yet she’s the most popular one.
Leo: Maybe because you’re such a prick to everyone.
Tim: So’s Ant but you don’t see him without a solid crew under each arm.
Leo: Well quit complainin’ an’ do somethin’ ‘bout it!
Tim: Why? We’re both just a pair of drunken, accidentally-stoned failures sitting in the middle of an open road bitching about our lives and the people in it… Has it really come down to this?
Leo: Yep… Could be worse. I mean, it ain’t like Billie’s gonna’ not be around this weekend, right?
Tim: Right!

#Max and his crew in what is meant to be just Max and Daryl's room

Daryl: Makin’ yourself at home there, Bill?
Billie: Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean…
Daryl: It’s fine, you’re welcome. C’mon buddy, let’s go.
Bystander: Ok!
Max: Where are you goin’?
Daryl: Where ya’ think? (Winks)
Max: Oh please don’t…
Daryl: Have fun you two, ‘n’ behave.

#Daryl and Buddy (Bystander) leave Max and Billie alone

Max: …
Billie: What’s wrong? You won’t come and sit next to me?

#Max joins Billie on the (rather pointless) sofa in the room

Max: No no, of course I will Billie.

#Daryl and Buddy cross the floor of the main reception

Bystander: So what we gonna’ do?

#Camera falls back from them to show at a distance

Daryl: We’re gonna’ enjoy ourselves. Hit some clubs, find a couple girls maybe, live it up as I said earlier.

#A man is stood at the far end, watching Daryl and Buddy

Bystander: Alright!
Man: It’s me. I’ve sighted Cooper.

#The man's face is shown – he looks much like Ralph but with a thinner face

Man: What do you want me to do?

#Max and Billie sat awkwardly together

Max: So…
Billie: (Smiles) So…
Max: … You’re still in town, even though two months ago you were wantin’ out.
Billie: As did Chrissie, yet we’re both still here, as ever.
Max: So you’re wantin’ to stay?
Billie: You sound as if you want me to GO.
Max: Aw no, no ‘course not, I… I don’t want you to leave.
Billie: (Smiles)
Max: … I definitely don’t want you to leave.
Billie: Why?
Max: … You’re my friend, ‘n’ I just wish you’d stay here.
Billie: You don’t need me though, you have Ant, and your dad, all the other guys too… Particularly Mikey.
Max: That’s exactly why I need you.
Billie: (Giggles) Yeah, alright. I suppose I can stay… for now. Just for you though.
Max: Well gee, I feel valued now.
Billie: Good…
(Long silence)

#Max and Billie slowly move closer to each other, hesitantly
#They both pull away again, interrupted

(Knock at the door)
Max: (Frustrated sigh)

#Max answers the door – the man watching Daryl and Buddy is there

Max: What!?… Oh, sorry.
Man: Oh… erm… Hi. Do you know a Daryl Cooper?
Max: Yeah, he’s my dad, why?
Man: Oh good! I had a message for him… From his wife… Do you know where he is?
Max: He left not long ago.
Man: Do you know where he went?
Max: No, sorry. Could be anywhere by now-he thrives for big cities.
Man: Oh, I see. Thanks for your help.
Max: No problem.

#Max closes the door again

Max: That was weird.

#The man walks away from the room, speaks into an ear piece

Man: Everyone, keep on the lookout will ya’?
Voice: Let them handle Cooper. I’ve learnt there’s another high priority target in town with him. I’m assigning you to track him down.
Man: Who is it?

#Eliza and Wes are strolling through the car park by Miles' car

(Thumping from the trunk)
Voice: Help! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
Wes: Miles’ car’s making that sound?
Eliza: Mhmm, it would appear so at least.
Wes: Someone in the trunk?
Eliza: Mhmm.
Wes: Think that’s weird?
Eliza: Na-ah.

#Miles approaches his car, is cautious as he spots Eliza and Wes

Miles: Oh, it’s you guys.
Wes: Err yeah… There a guy in your trunk?
Miles: Oh, he’s a friend.

#Miles goes to see to his 'friend' while Wes and Eliza walk on, Wes glances over his shoulder back at Miles

(Trunk opens)
Miles: (Continuously punches again) This… is… your… last… chance… Ya’ get me? Once more ‘n’ I’ll just chuck you into the river, end of.
Wes: If that’s how he treats friends, then what about us?
Eliza: …

#Al and Ricky screech into the car park and stop right in front of Wes and Eliza, they both exit the car triumphantly

Alan: WE’RE HERE!
Wes: Sure took your time.
Alan: Yeah, well, Ricky was drivin’.
Ricky: It was Alan’s car.
Alan: It was a long road.
Ricky: It was a fun trip.
Alan: It WAS a fun trip!
Ricky: So… I can only assume we were last into town?
Wes: No, there’s one car that hasn’t come through yet.
Alan and Ricky: Who?

#Leo and Tim in-car

Leo: “Welcome To Rivet City”… Wow, I didn’t think we’d make it.
(Car screeches to a halt)
Leo: What ya’ doin’?
Tim: You said you would leave me alone the second we got into town… Well, we’re in town.
Leo: The town’s still about five mile up!
Tim: Yes, but we’ve past the welcome sign so technically we’re here… Now get out!
Leo: No! Drive me to the hotel bitch!

#Tim pushes Leo out of the car

Tim: GET OUT!
Leo: OW!

#Tim screeches away, leaving Leo by the roadside

Leo: YOU PIECE OF SHIT!… (Sigh) I suppose it’s a long walk ahead of me.

#Brentstone Bureau time! Rico is on the phone

Rico: Uh-huh… Great! Alright, look forward to seeing you too! Alrighty. See you!

#Rico addresses the group in the temporary hideout – Tina, Sammy, Missy and Officer Eddie

Tina: Who was that?
Rico: I decided to call in some help on this.
Sammy: Help? There’s already five of us!
Missy: Yeah, but we have you, so it’s more like two.
Sammy: TWO!?
Missy: Me and… Well, me. You bring down the others so I’m the only usable person here.
Officer: You’re bloody usable alright.
Missy: Don’t take that tone with me pal!
Rico: Guys! I was trying to say something here!… My brother Roy’s coming up from Donnington to help with Finley.
Officer: Your brother?
Rico: Yeah, he’s part of The Donnington Department, one of the best. We can do this.
Sammy: Oh your brother is AWESOME! He’s such a KICK-ASS guy!
Rico: … Sammy, you’ve never met him.
Sammy: Who cares? He’s awesome!
Rico: Anyway, best thing we can do is hang tight until he gets here. Said he’d be a few days at most.
(Knock at the door)
Sammy: WOW! That was fast!

#Sammy rushes to answer the door

Rico: Sammy wait!

#One of Finley's henchmen are at the door, gun aimed at Sammy

Man: Compliments from Mr Hannigan.
Sammy: NO!

#Black screen

(Gunshot)

#Cut to a random advert about an uninteresting dinner utensil set
#Max and Billie are sat watching Brentstone Brigade

Max and Billie: NO!
Max: How dare they cut to the commercials now of all times! DAMN YOU NSB2!
Billie: Yeah, NSB1’s where it’s at… See what we did there?
Max: (Sigh)…
Billie: You ok Maxey?
Max: Hey! Don’t YOU call me Maxey! I don’t call you Bill so that’s the least you can do!
Billie: (Giggles) Sorry.
Max: … That guy before-there was just somethin’ about him that seemed suspicious.
Billie: Don’t worry, I’m sure even if he IS a danger, your dad can handle himself, right?
Max: Of course, he’s the best.
Billie: Good. So then that means you can look after me then, right?
Max: Are YOU in danger?
Billie: (Laughs) Well… it really all depends on if that guy is a danger to us as well, if he’s even a danger at all.
Max: … We’ll be fine.
Billie: You promise?

#Max and Billie stare at each other

Max: … Er, well, I can certainly promise that I’ll TRY to make sure we’ll be fine.
Billie: (Smiles) … Good… I believe in you.

#They move close to each other yet again
#And yet again, are interrupted. They pull away. Max now visibly annoyed

(Knock at the door)
(Billie breathes in sharply)
Max: Again!? For SANDSSAKE!

#Max answers again. A scuffed up and grimy Leo is at the door

Max: WHAT!?… Oh, Len.

#Leo pushes past Max casually without paying him any real attention

Leo: Max.

#Max stands a moment longer at the door, left open after Leo has already passed him by

Max: … Please, come in.

#Leo addresses Billie

Leo: Billie.
Billie: Len! What happened!?
Leo: Well, first you took my car which had all my luggage in, then Ali kicked me in the stomach and out the front door, then Tim threw me out of the damn car once we hit the city limits, THEN I had to trek five miles up the fricken’ road to get into town, THEN I went to where we was meant to be stayin’ an’ they said they had no reservation there, THEN I had to find THIS place, and here I am right now!… So where’s my luggage? Where’s my car?
Billie: I… only drove the car to Max’s place and left it for you there.
Leo: So… My car and my things are all the way back home?
Billie: …
Leo: … DAMN IT!
Billie: What do you mean by there was no reservation where you were staying?

#Tim at the hotel reception

Tim: There must be some mistake there lady, check it again.
Hannah: I’m sorry sir, but we have no bookings under the name Walker, Felling OR Williams.
Tim: … Damn it! MICHAEL!

#Back to Leo, Billie and Max

Billie: Len, I’m sorry.
Leo: Whatever. So where’s my room?
Billie: … I don’t know, where are you staying?
Leo: I thought we were staying here, since for some reason we aren’t booked at The Crystal Rooms.
Billie: No, I had no idea about that. I was just here for a little while. Just PLEASE don’t tell Tim where I am. Maybe you should go see Mikey.
Leo: An’ where is HE?

#Back to Tim

Tim: I implore you, please madam, to look one more time.
Hannah: Sir, I…

#Ant shows up at the desk, initially focused on Hannah

Ant: Hey there gorgeous.
(Hannah blushes)
Ant: Timothy!
Tim: Antony… What are YOU doing here?
Ant: Stayin’ here, what do ya’ think? Isn’t that why you’re here?
Tim: Apparently I don’t have a booking.
Ant: Seriously? You always stay here though. Did you not phone in?
Tim: I asked Michael to take care of it.
(Long silence)
Tim: … Shit.

#Mikey hurries towards Tim and Ant

Mikey: T-Tim!
Tim: Michael!?… How come YOU’RE here?… What happened to your face!?
Ant: Tammy apparently attacked him.
Tim: … Now that’s unexpected.
Mikey: I’m staying with Chrissie, and she had booked here too.
Tim: Michael, what name did you book us under?
Mikey: Walker of course!
Tim: They don’t have any bookings under that name.
Mikey: … Oh… I thought something seemed off.
Tim: What!?
Mikey: I may have rang the wrong hotel.
Tim: You did WHAT!? Where did you book us then!?

#Tim outside, looking at a rundown, groggy looking B&B away from the bustle of the city

Tim: You have GOT to be kidding me.

#Leo exits from the front door of the B&B and looks expectantly at Tim

Tim: Leonard?
Leo: Tim.
Tim: You know Michael-
Leo: Booked us in here by accident, yeah.
Tim: …
Leo: C’mon, I got our key.

#Leo and Tim in the hall outside their room

(Sounds of key fumbling)
Tim: C’mon Leonard!
Leo: Hey! We’re both still trippin’, I can’t see straight ok!?
(Click)
Leo: Bingo!

#Leo and Tim's fed up expressions as the door opens

Leo: Oh for cryin’ out loud!

#A shot of the empty, dimly lit, rotting, poorly kept room

Tim: … That the only bed?
Leo: Yeah…

#Leo lunges for and flops onto the bed

Leo: Enjoy the floor Timothy.
Tim: No, I’m payin’ for the room so I get the bed.
Leo: Yeah, but I’m faster than ya’, so I get the bed.
Tim: How can anyone be so STUPID to make such a hash of a booking!? No other person in Alterra is moronic enough to do such a thing!

#Wes lying on the bed while Eliza is in the bathroom

(Sounds of splashing in the bath)
Eliza: (Singing like an angel) And that was the day when you just went away, never to ever return. But I’m not out of luck and I’ll never get stuck, oh but this heart of mine burns.
Wes: (Sigh of relaxation)

#Al barges into the room

Alan: Wes!
Wes: Sssh! I’m listening to Eliza singing.
Eliza: This wasn’t what I wanted, but there’s nothing I can do. I’ll sit here forever, my love for you so true. But one day I must move on, it’s the only other way. Though for now I’ll still love you, what else can I say?
Alan: Wow… Her voice…
Wes: Is like an angel’s.
Alan: … Anyway, I just dropped in to give you these.

#Al passes a small packet to Wes

Wes: What are they?… Oh Alan!
Alan: Better to be safe than sorry, buddy.
Wes: I told you, nothing’s gonna’ happen with Eliza.
Alan: How do you know? What if she’s longing for you and tonight in bed she turns to you, cuddles you, and then innocently kisses your cheek, glances at you with those sparkling eyes of innocence, licks her lips and slowly moves on top of you… (Laughs) Yeah ok, it’s Lizzie, she doesn’t have “love makin’” on her mind, I get it… Well, even if you hit a club and meet some chick, you’re gonna’ need ‘em, an’ you’re gonna’ thank me.
Wes: Al, you know I’m not that kind of guy. I don’t go on the hunt for women… I’m not you.
Alan: Ouch, offensive much? You’re makin’ me sound bad by sayin’ that. All I’m sayin’ is, you’re still a handsome and charmin’ gentleman, a girl’s gonna’ end up approachin’ you instead, know what I mean? That’s all I’m tryin’ to say. (Pats Wes’ shoulder) Enjoy, my friend.

#Al leaves the room while Wes inspects the packet

Wes: Yeah, well, I’m not really bothered by all that.

#Wes stands up and marches for the door after Al

Wes: Hey wait a minute! What the hell!? I’m not an XS!
(Alan and Ricky in the corridor burst into laughter)

#Wes opens the door and watches Al and Ricky run off down the hall

Ricky: Al, that was EPIC!
Wes: … It’s only things like THAT which bother me. Oh hell, what if it actually fits?… I couldn’t… WOULDN’T… be an XS would I?… Why am I even caring about this!?

#Wes returns to lying on the bed

Eliza: You came, and made me feel inside, the love I never knew, because you came, and made me see the truth-I’m so in love with you. And on these nights that we spend together, your eyes so pretty and blue, I feel like that we could be forever, just me and you. I didn’t see what you meant, but that confusion just went, when yoooouuuuu caaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaa-aaaa-aaame. I’m so in love with you, because you came, and made me feel inside, the love I never knew, because you came, and made me see the truth-I’m so in love with you. You came…
Wes: (Tugs at his collar and gulps) I don’t like this feeling… What is it? An anxiety attack?

#A wild squeaky clean Eliza appears, in nothing but a towel

Eliza: (Happily) Hi.
Wes: (Under his breath) Definitely anxiety. Enjoy your bath?
Eliza: Oh yeah! It’s been an age since I last had a nice soak, being in a caravan and all. (Contented sigh)

#Eliza lies down on her side of the bed

Eliza: I love it already.
Wes: That’s great.
Eliza: Yeah… (Yawns)
Wes: Tired?
Eliza: I’m just so comfortable.
Wes: …
Eliza: (Contented sigh again)

#Eliza slowly leans in and rests her head ever so slightly on Wes' arm

Wes: Keep calm Wes, keep calm. It’s all ok. She’s your friend, she trusts you, nothing’s gonna’ happen. Don’t worry, you’re fine… You’re fine.
Alan: Go on Wes! Get in there!
Wes: Al? Where are you?
Alan: In your head. Call me your conscience. You’re talkin’ to yourself in your head so I thought why can’t I as well?
Wes: Look, I’m trying to sort myself out here, will you mind clearing off and leaving me in peace?
Alan: Yes, I do mind thank you very much Wesley. I want to know what’s the problem here? She’s cuddlin’ up to you, practically purrin’ like a Desert Cat, she’s ACTUALLY fallen asleep in your arms and essentially isn’t wearin’ any clothes. What harm would it be to “accidentally” rest your hand on her bare thigh? Or to rest your head on hers? Or to very slightly have your finger tucked under the very top of her towel round the back?
Wes: Ok Al, I get the message.
Alan: Oh shit, better go.
Wes: Good!
Alan: No seriously, gotta’ go. Look out ya’ window. Ta ra!
Wes: Hm?

#Wes carefully gets up without disturbing Eliza

Wes: Careful, careful… Don’t wake up Eliza, don’t… Good.

#Wes moves over to the window

Wes: …

#Wes sees Kai/Kieran outside approaching the hotel entrance

Wes: (Whispers) Shit!

#Kai at the reception desk

Kai: Hi there, I was wondering, do you have a reservation here under the name of Chalmers or Dunaway?

#Wes shakes Eliza awake

Wes: Eliza, Eliza! Wake up!
Eliza: (Stirs) Wesley?… I think I had a dream… You were in it.
Wes: We don’t have time for that now, we have to move!
Eliza: What? Why?
Wes: It’s Kieran! He’s outside, he’s after you!

#Eliza stands up

Eliza: What!? Kieran!?
Wes: Yes! Look, he won’t be a threat to me so you better go, get out of here. I’ll mind the place, I’ll be ok.
Eliza: No, I won’t.
Wes: Don’t worry about me please Eliza, just go.
Eliza: No I mean… You go, distract him. I’ll find somewhere to hide.
Wes: You need to leave the building, he’ll turn this place upside down to find you!
Eliza: Then let ‘im. Hiding is what I do best, after all. Second only to driving and computers.
Wes: (Sighs) Alright, just PLEASE be careful, if anything were to happen to you, I-

#A very sudden but small peck on the lips from Eliza to Wes

Eliza: I’ll be fine, trust me.
Wes: …
Eliza: Now go.

#Wes quietly marches out of the room robotically
#Wes closes the door behind him and pauses for a moment

Wes: … Woah.

#Wes heads down the hallway towards the stairs, still not walking straight

Wes: Didn’t think I’d say this in my life but… I need Alan here for this.

#Eliza scans the room for hiding spots

Eliza: Hide, hide… C’mon Eliza, you can do it.

#She hides behind the shower curtain

Eliza: … No, too obvious.

#She hides in the wardrobe

Eliza: … No, too stupid.

#She hides under the bed

Eliza: … No, too obvious AND stupid.

#Wes stops Kai at the bottom of the stairs, acting surprised

Wes: Kai! What are you doing here?
Kai: Here to see Liz. She around?
Wes: … No! No, you just missed her actually. Sorry.
Kai: Oh, really?
Wes: Yeah.
Kai: She went alone? Or is she with Alan?
Wes: I don’t even know where Alan is right now to tell you the truth.

#Al and Ricky in the hotel lounge, chatting

Alan: What should we do to him next, huh?
Ricky: Hmmm, I dunno… You don’t wanna’ go clubbing?
Alan: No! Clubbing is TOMORROW night! Tonight, we handle WES’ action for the weekend.
Ricky: You’re that determined to get them to hook up?
Alan: Yes! It’s about bloody time they did.
Ricky: So you gave him a box of condoms sized XS?
(Alan and Ricky laugh)
Alan: It’s a tough world. Besides, you never know, it might be the right fit, he was just too embarrassed to say.
Ricky: … I think we should give Elizabeth the pill.
Alan: (Laughs) No! No! That’s taking it a bit far. We said to Wes in case he met any other women, which he won’t, but he could. What are we gonna’ say to Lizzie? She won’t be huntin’ for men, she isn’t Meg!
Ricky: True.

#Ant and Meg cuddled up on the bed

Meg: Ant? You alright?
Ant: I’m fine Meggie, just fine… Are you?
Meg: Couldn’t be better…

#Meg deliberately presses herself against Ant more and draws ever closer

Meg: ‘Cause I’m here with you.
Ant: … (Smiles warmly) Will I still get my surprise this weekend even though Chrissie got here first?
Meg: The fact she had almost thrice the horsepower we did, and she hadn’t even gotten her stuff out the car by the time we got here, I know you would’ve blew her away if the cars were even comparable. So yes, I’ll keep my promise that you’ll get your surprise. Because to me, you WERE the winner.
Ant: No… I AM the winner.
Meg: (Laughs) Oh Ant…
(Long silence)
Meg: I’m gonna’ go take a bath. No peakin’ now.

#Ant watches Meg go into the bathroom

Ant: There’s door locks for a reason, y’know.
Meg: (Giggles) Maybe I’ll forget to use it…

#Ant alone on the bed

Ant: Boy, I’m feelin’ a bit warm… Nerves? Nah, ‘course it ain’t. What have I gotta’ be nervous for?

#Meg opens the door again to peek out, only head and shoulders visible but she is evidently undressed

Meg: Ant? You wouldn’t mind givin’ me a massage after I get out the bath, will you? I’m feeling a little achy. Bein’ sat in the car so long earlier and everythin’.
Ant: Sure sweetie, as long as it’s muscle ache and not just ‘cause you’re un-fit.
Meg: You think I’m un-fit?
Ant: Nah Megs, I think you’re very fit… VERY fit.
Meg: (Blushes)

#Ant alone again

Ant: Ok, yeah I’m definitely nervous. I need to get the window open.

#Eliza opens the window and looks out of it

Eliza: Out the window? I don’t think I could do it… I’m not Daryl, I can’t just jump out of every window I see!

#Wes chasing down Kai who's making a bee-line down the hall to Eliza's room

Wes: You listening to me!? Eliza isn’t here!
Kai: I’ll be the judge of that.

#Kai searches the room, various spots one by one including each spot Eliza attempted to hide herself

Wes: What did I tell you? Eliza…  IS. NOT. HERE!
Kai: Ok, I can see that now. I’m sorry to have bothered you…

#Kai leaves the room
#Wes searches the room himself

Wes: Wow Eliza you did a good job, where are you?… Eliza?

#Eliza on the rooftop, still in just a towel

Eliza: (Shivers) It’s awfully breezy tonight.

#Eliza spots Kai in the courtyard below, leaving

Eliza: Phew, he’s going.

#Wes spins around behind him

(Clattering and knocking noises)
Wes: Wha-!?

#Eliza clambers back in through the window as Wes assists

Wes: You went out the window!?
Eliza: Only up to the roof! It’s fine, everything’s ok now. We can relax.

#Leo laying on the bed, Tim sat on the opposite side of it

Tim: Relax!? RELAX!? How can I relax!? This place is a dump!
Leo: You shouldn’t be such an upper-class twat. This isn’t such a bad place for us ordinary people, y’know. Mine and Billie’s house when we were kids was similar to somethin’ like this. You think Billie finds this snobbery attractive in you?
Tim: Oh, give it a rest.
Leo: I’m serious! We were brought up with no money, no greed… Do you REALLY think she’s gonna’ love a man who’s entire life is supported by both of them things?
Tim: Hey! I may be rich, but I’m not greedy! I’m happy with what I have, it’s just if I can have more, then I’ll take it.
Leo: See what I mean?

#Tim lies down too, head to tail with Leo

Tim: … I need Billie. I don’t know where she is. You heard from her?
Leo: Uhm, no…
Tim: Sorry?
Leo: No, haven’t heard a word since I hit the road… the metaphorical type of ht, not literally. Which, by the way, thanks for throwin’ me outta’ the car earlier you jackass.
Tim: You’re welcome. Did it hurt?
Leo: Not much. The alcohol and the Kleptin absorbed most of the pain.
Tim: Really?
Leo: Oh yeah. Now would be the best time more than ever to get into a bar brawl ‘cause you would barely feel a thing. It’d be like being punched by a fluffy ginger kitten that’s been padded out with pillows.
Tim: REALLY?… Something to consider tomorrow then. For now, sleep.
Leo: You’ll have to get drunk an’ high all over again tomorrow then if ya’ want it to work. You’re aware of that, right?
Tim: …
Leo: Tim?
Tim: (Starts snoring)
Leo: … Guess we’ll call it a day then. Only…

#Leo kicks Tim off the bed

Leo: It’s MY bed!
Tim: Agh!

#Chrissie and Mikey get into bed

Chrissie: Good night Mikey, sleep well.
Mikey: You too Chrissie.
Chrissie: We’ll have a much better day together tomorrow, just you wait.

#Max and Billie get into bed

Billie: I can’t wait.
Max: Me neither.
Billie: … You worried about your dad and his friend not being back yet?
Max: If I know my dad, he’ll be out until the morning, in time for breakfast.

#Daryl and Buddy drinking at the bar counter in a happening club

Daryl: This place rocks, buddy! How’d ya’ know about it?
Bystander: This random guy approached me earlier and recommended it.
Daryl: Really? Was a good tip then!

#Shot of the man following Daryl and Buddy, watching from the far end of the room

Bystander: Yeah! He was really nice! Weird, ‘cause I didn’t know ‘im!
Man: (Laughs to himself)
Bystander: So we goin’ on a pussy patrol then, huh!?
Daryl: (Bursts into laughter) What!? Who calls it THAT!?
Bystander: Young and hip people, gramps!
Daryl: I’m only thirty seven kid. You’re the same age as my son give or take so I think it’s time you went to bed ‘n’ let the grown-ups have some fun to themselves.
Bystander: Funny!

#Ant and Meg still all cuddled up

Ant: You’re such a child sometimes Meggie.
Meg: I know, I know. But you still love me, right?
Ant: Mmm, of course I do.
Meg: I love you too… (Cuddles tighter)

#Al and Ricky still up in their room, laughing away, sat on the floor

Alan: (Imitating Wes) “Oh I love you I love you I love you Lizzie!”
Ricky: (Imitating Eliza) “Oh Wes I love you too, but it’s not meant to be.”
Alan: “Why not!?”
Ricky: … (Chokes on laughter)… “Because… I could never love an XS man.”
(Alan and Ricky laugh)
Ricky: Hah, it’s getting quite late. We should be prepared to be up early tomorrow-clubbing day!
Alan: Yeah!
Ricky: And I don’t need to go to work either!

#Teddy passed out right in the centre of The Wildboar's floor

(Teddy snoring)

#The Desert Cats gathered around and watching Tammy sleep – looking all peaceful and cute again

Stace: Awww, look at Tammy sleepin’.
Hay-Hay: Heh, yeah, bless her.
Kim: I only hope she remembers what she learnt today.
Hay-Hay: Maybe we could re-instate some more training too?
Stace: Yeah, we want the nerdy ‘n’ chatty Tammy back, not a Tammy-look-alike Ali-clone.

#Ali tucks Ellie into bed

Ali: Good night sweetie.
Ellie: Good night.
Ali: My meeting’s at 10AM tomorrow, ok?
Ellie: Ok.
Ali: Sleep well, and I’ll see you in the morning.

#Cindy tucks Charley and Gabby into bed

Cindy: Good night girls.
Charley: Niiight.
Gabrielle: Good night.

#Miles, Woody and Robbie all in their beds

Miles: (Sighs with relaxation)
Robert: A good night’s rest is what I need.
Keith: Yep.
(Loud thumping from outside)
Voice: HEEEEEEEEELP!
Miles: Grrr…

#Robbie and Woody exchange glances as Miles goes to leave the room, still only wearing shorts

(Repetitive thumping)
Voice: (Voice starts breaking) HEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEELP!

#Miles cracks his knuckles as he walks down the hall

Miles: (Sigh) This is gonna’ be fun…

#The next morning. Mikey joining Chrissie, sat having breakfast in the downstairs lounge

Chrissie: Sleep well Mikey?
Mikey: A bit… Still sore though.
Chrissie: Don’t worry sweetie. Next time we see Tammy I’m sure she’ll be ok. Maybe it was just a bad d-

#The Desert Cats pass by the table

Tammy: Oh well look who it is, the creep!
Mikey: Tammy… What’s the matter with you?
Tammy: ExCUSE me?
Hay-Hay: Uh-oh.
Mikey: I thought we were best friends! But yesterday you hurt me, WHY!? I thought I was your favourite person in Alterra!
Tammy: Kimmy, take us to the seaside today? I wanna’ see the ocean.
Kim: Why?
Tammy: ‘Cause I’m about to be SICK!
Mikey: What?
Tammy: Urgh, get outta’ my face loser!

#Mad Chrissie and Sad Mikey

Mikey: (Sniffles, then bursts into crying)
Chrissie: Aww sweetie… (Face goes serious) I could step up to Ant, I can step up to ANYONE this weekend!

#Chrissie chases down Tammy before she leaves the room

Chrissie: HEY!
Tammy: What do YOU want?
Chrissie: Apologise to Mikey, now!
Tammy: Or what? What do I have to say to that little twerp?
Chrissie: You’re best friends! Why are you hurting his feelings?
Tammy: Did you not hear what I said about the ocean!? Quit goin’ on about him before I puke my guts up!
Kim: Maybe we were a little hard on her with training…
Chrissie: Say you’re sorry!
Tammy: I’m not sayin’ sorry, I have nothin’ to say to you.

#Camera pans to show Mikey crying at the table in the background, Ant passes by amidst the commotion

Chrissie: Not to me! To Mikey!
(Mikey continuing to cry)
Ant: … Well good morning everyone, it’s a beautiful day.
Tammy: I’m not sayin’ sorry to the little brat either.
Chrissie: SAY YOU’RE FUCKING SORRY!
Tammy: Make me, BITCH!

#Ant steps it up and stands between Chrissie and Tammy

Ant: Woah, woah, woah! Fuckin’ COOL IT! The both of ya’!
Chrissie and Tammy: …
Mikey: Waaaaaaaaaaah!
Ant: Mikey, calm down. Alright, Tammy… Apologise to Mikey.
Tammy: NO!
Ant: BLOODY APOLOGISE TO HIM RIGHT NOW!

#Ant turns to a guilty, shuffling Kim

Ant: … Kim… Y’know what I’m gonna’ say, an’ ask.
Kim: We’re workin’ on it Ant, I swear we are. Let’s go Desert Cats.

#The Desert Cats depart

Ant: Well Chrissie, you’re sure the feisty young lady this weekend aren’t you?
Chrissie: I’m sorry Ant, I only-
Ant: Relax. It’s fine. (Exhales deeply) Ok…

#Ant and Chrissie turn to find the room full of other regular guests at the hotel, all glaring in annoyance and confusion

Ant: …
Chrissie: Once again, filming in public seems to have gotten our attention.
Ant: As long as they don’t complain to my face.

#Leo and Tim sat about their room, Leo smoking out the window

Tim: I’m complaining, I swear to the sands that I’m complaining!
Leo: What for!?
Tim: This joint is a pile of shit!

#Leo examines what he's smoking

Leo: No, actually it’s pretty good stuff. Here, try it.
Tim: Not THAT joint! THIS joint!
Leo: Oh… The Sea Lion?
Tim: … Oh no, THIS is The Sea Lion!? I didn’t realise! Oh shit!
Leo: What’s the matter now!?
Tim: This place got the worst review for hotels in Ferroper.
Leo: Well one-it’s not a hotel, it’s an inn. And two-what mag was this you was readin’? The Pretentious Bastard Weekly?
Tim: No! It was Trans-Marvegan Travel Monthly actually! Only the leading Travel and Tourism magazine in southern UMC!
Leo: Oh… Well fuck me.
Tim: No thanks.
Leo: Hahaha! You’re sick in the head.
Tim: You’re homophobic.
Leo: Nah, I was thinkin’ more to do with the fact that you’re goin’ out with my sis, not JUST ‘cause you’re a guy. I ain’t got no problem with guys likin’ guys… I got a problem with YOU though.

#Robbie and Woody having breakfast, Miles' car is right outside the nearby window with Miles in the trunk again seeing to his friend

Miles: It seems we have a problem, don’t we?
Voice: I’m sorry!
Miles: Fuck your apologies! You thought you could be heard at night but you forget that this is The Rivet-it ain’t ever quiet ‘round here.
Voice: Give me another chance! One last chance PLEASE just one more!
Miles: Too late! I’ve given you about ten chances in two days, game over now pal.
Keith: … Is your breakfast nice, Robert?
Robert: Yes it is Keith, thank you very much for asking. How is yours?
Keith: Best damn omelette I ever had in my life!
Robert: Excellent!

#Miles comes indoors and sees Robbie and Woody directly

Miles: So I’ll be seein’ you guys later.
Robert: Where are you going?
Miles: Short trip to the harbour, to see an old friend. Shan’t be long. Enjoy your breakfast chaps.

#Robbie and Woody left alone for now

Keith: … Feel sorry for the poor bastard in his trunk.

#Eliza and Wes having breakfast further along the room

Eliza: I almost feel sorry for Kieran. Really, I do. It would make more sense to me if I actually knew what he wanted with me.
Wes: It’s clear he wants to harm you in some way.
Eliza: Yeah, I can see that. But WHY? He was my best, and only friend once upon a time… But now…

#Al and Ricky having breakfast, watching over Wes and Eliza from afar

Alan: My Wes and Lizzie senses tell me that nothin’ happened… Not LAST night. But tonight could be a different story…
Ricky: Must we talk ‘bout this over breakfast? Please, wait until we’re finished.
Alan: Ok, sorry Rick.
Ricky: … How we going to torment him today then?
Alan: Haha! I have plans which I will tell you later.
Ricky: I feel sorry for him almost…
Ricky and Alan: ALMOST! (Laughs)
Alan: No worries, there’s always someone much worse.

#Cindy with Charley and Gabby, parking up outside The Wildboar

Cindy: Before we go to Lancer Greens Nature Park, I just want to check to see how Richard’s doing, ok girls?

#Cindy and the girls enter, to find Teddy collapsed on the floor surrounded by empty and half full bottles

Cindy: Oh my word!
Teddy: Huh!? Oh… Hey Lucinda.
(Charley laughs)
(Gabrielle looks to Charley, confused)
Cindy: Erm… Where’s Richard?
Teddy: (Is clearly still drunk) Haven’t a clue! Came in yesterday for a drink… or twelve. He weren’t here but the joint were unlocked. So I figured I’d stay an’ watch over it for ‘im. Thought I’d take the liberty of helpin’ myself to them twelve drinks… or thirty two, as a way of Richard’s payment to me for my generosity.
Cindy: Oh, so you’re drunk.
Teddy: I’m not drunk!

#Teddy rushes to stand up in protest, slips on bottles and falls over again, sending bottles everywhere

Teddy: Gah!

#Cindy and the girls walk away, leaving Teddy flailing on the floor

Cindy: … Let’s go girls. We’ll leave Theodore in peace.

#Leo stopping Tim from leaving their room

Leo: No, I won’t leave you in peace! Not yet.
Tim: Why not!? Back the hell away from me! Whaddya’ want!?
Leo: Some money!
Tim: WHY!?
Leo: ‘Cause my wallet was in the car!
Tim: Oh…
Leo: Exactly!

#Tim gets out his fat wad... Of money... And hands it to Leo

Tim: Here you go then.
Leo: Wow, thanks! That’s quite a hefty sum!
Tim: Well you’re a borderline alcoholic, you wanna’ gamble, get drunker, go clubbing etcetera… I think three thousand simoleons is… extravagant, but surely enough for you.
Leo: It’s like the perfect amount! Cheers! Maybe you’re not ENTIRELY bad after all.

#Leo marches triumphantly out the room as Tim lingers

Tim: The sad truth is… That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s said about me, including Billie.

#A lazy Max and Billie getting up out of bed a little later than the others

Billie: You ok?
Max: Yeah, I’m good. Sleep well last night?
Billie: I’ve done better.
Max: What was wrong?… Oh no, I didn’t snore did I?
Billie: No, no of course not. I just… had a lot on my mind. And also, I don’t really sleep well in a bed other than my own-I feel too open, so to speak.
Max: I know what you mean. Me, I can sleep anywhere-in my bed, in someone else’s, in the back of a car, behind a dumpster… IN the dumpster once. Oh, but it was a very nice dumpster…
Billie: (Giggles) I’ll have to take your word for it.

#Ant and Chrissie still talking to one side together

Chrissie: I admit, I was out of order.
Ant: Mhmm.
Chrissie: But she shouldn’t have treat Mikey that way!
Ant: I agree ‘bout that, that wasn’t what I was thinkin’ you were out of order about though.
Chrissie: Oh…
Ant: Look, maybe I was a little harsh yesterday, we both were. But what I said about the idea of being apart this weekend, I meant it.
Chrissie: I just thought it was for the best.
Ant: Hey c’mon now, we need time together. After all we’ve been through in life-school, college, our parents, THIS… We can’t let a stupid little fight get the better of us.
Chrissie: “Our parents”?
Ant: Well, us not gettin’ along with our parents ‘cause they were tryin’ to control us so we left.
Chrissie: No, YOU left to avoid being controlled by your parents. I left because you dragged me with you.
Ant: You wouldn’t have come if you didn’t want to.
Chrissie: What choice did I have?
Ant: You could’ve stayed. No one was forcing you.
Chrissie: Did you really think I could let you walk out of my life like that?
Ant: Well you had no problem walkin’ out on your mam.
Chrissie: Oh… wow… thanks! You make me sound like my dad.
Ant: I never met him, but goin’ off what your mam was like, I pray that you’re more like him than her.
Chrissie: My parents were both horrible, but at least my dad loved me.
Ant: So hypothetically, if your dad hadn’t left and disappeared into nowhere all those years ago an’ was still livin’ with your mam, would you have stayed?
Chrissie: …
Ant: … You would, wouldn’t you?
Chrissie: I… don’t know, ok?
Ant: WOULDN’T YOU?
Chrissie: I don’t know! Stop asking me that…
Ant: … Uh-huh… Well enjoy your weekend. And just think, R.C.I. Airport is just a couple miles up the road for when you’re done with here-I’m sure you could get a flight to Lystow and an express coach to Neath quite easily.

#Ant walks off

Chrissie: So you’re just going to walk away?
Ant: I’m doin’ it for you, so you don’t have to.
Chrissie: Let me guess, you’re going to go straight to Meg aren’t you?
Ant: Meg’s actually away for a hair appointment this mornin’, so no. But glad to see you have me “figured out” so well. And to think Lindsay tried to make me think you were no good… And to think I didn’t believe her!
Chrissie: Lindsay?… Lindsay Wallbank?

#Ant walks away faster

Chrissie: Ant! ANT!… (Frustrated sigh)

#Chrissie drags her feet over to Mikey

Mikey: Who’s Lindsay Wallbank?
Chrissie: It’s a long story… Oh, very long a story. Goes back to the early days of school… I’d rather not mention her.

#Miles at the harbour with a mystery man

Man: Don’t mention it, it’s what I’m here for.
Miles: I appreciate it all the same. The guy was gettin’ on my nerves.
Man: You be careful Miles, didn’t realise you still worked for “them.”
Miles: It’s fine… You remember my “official” line of work though, right? (Laughs)
Man: (Laughs too) Sure I do. Now you better get outta’ here, otherwise I don’t know you from Adrian, got it?
Miles: I understand. So long for now.

#Miles walks back to his car, now with an empty trunk. From a distance, the Ralph lookalike is watching

Man: Hm, well whaddya’ know? It IS Hoffman after all.

#Daryl and Buddy back out on the streets – questionable if they ever went back to the hotel the previous night

Bystander: So it WAS that guy after all?
Daryl: I believe so. Not many slightly overweight gingers with a roughish beard these days. At least not ones with that look on their face.
Bystander: What look?
Daryl: The sinister look.
Bystander: Oh shit buddy, what we gonna’ do?
Daryl: Whaddya’ mean by that? We ain’t gonna’ do anythin’. You mean to tell me you’re afraid? After all we’ve been through in the last few months? I thought you were manning up finally.