Episode 6, Part II: Tits vs. Arse & Sneaking a Gun into a Prison Cell

Marcus: Where are you taking me!?



Marcus: Oh, I can't believe it! I'm going back!



Marcus: I'm going back! I'm going back! Please say it's so! PLEASE!



Marcus: Ah, a nosebleed again... but WHO THE FUCK CARES!?



Marcus: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....!



One man. Three sides, actually. One goal. But many fatalities along the way. One life. Life wasted?



Nah-ah. Success.



Welcome back.



Marcus: Agh, didn't happen. Didn't happen.



Marcus: Wait a minute... oh, oh no. Oh... ha, YES! YES, YES, YES! That's the ticket!



So, I guess it all worked out after all... Marcus returns to his present state, waken from his coma he has been inside for almost four months.



Now, I know an elated family when I see one... it's a good job the Francesca business was never real.

Jane: Wait for him... wait for him! He's coming!
Jake: Dad, dad! We're waiting!



Jane: There he is... LOOK!



Jake: Dad, dad...!
Marcus: Oh, son... how I've yearned to see you again.
Jake: I know, dad. Me too! ME TOO!



Jake: Don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever stand in the middle of the road again outside school dad, NEVER!
Marcus: (Chuckles) I won't, son. I promise.
Jake: They've lowered the speed limit and it's all because of you!



Marcus: Ha, I guess I should feel honoured then!?
Jake: You should! You should feel honoured to be such a great man, because you're the best dad anyone could ask for!
Marcus: Oh, Jake... don't make a grown man shed a tear, I'm just... so pleased to see you, you know?



Marcus: Come here, you...
Jane: Oh, Marcus!



Does it require any more explanation?





Gethin: Ah, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. I'm so glad you could make it.



Marcus: Yeah, me too.
Gethin: Oh, you know I'm so grateful you woke up from that coma. I've been worried sick... thank goodness you lived.
Marcus: (Chuckles) I guess.
Gethin: Man, oh. I have so much to tell you.
Marcus: Well, take your time.
Gethin: Oh, I'm not rushing. Neither should you. You - you can return to work whenever you want, I'm not forcing you.
Marcus: Oh no no, sod that. I'll go back when I'm ready, if it's early... it's early. I'll go back tomorrow if I could.
Gethin: Now, we've had a very dangerous man enter the country, we've never fully understood his motive towards that but we're lead to believe he came here to do business with a gang leader from Neath. Something about a... a prostitute? He was selling her off to guy a named Calogero?
Marcus: And was her name Francesca!?
Gethin: No, no. It was Martha, Maria or something.
Marcus: What?
Gethin: Martha, it was definitely Martha. Oh no, then again... ah, could've been Maria.
Marcus: What are you talking about? It was Francesca... Francesca Arnaldo.
Gethin: She doesn't ring a bell at all. Anyway, he came over here to find her and we've been successful in apprehending Mr Guiliani, he seems to be a mafia boss of some kind. Explains he came from Archades. Doesn't make sense though does it? Coming halfway across the world for a girl? I mean... Marcus? Marcus? Are you alright? This isn't too much information for you is it?



Marcus: No, I mean... I'm just... I'm startled. That's all.
Gethin: I'll go slower.
Marcus: No, carry on at that pace. That pace is fine.
Gethin: Ok, well... he's came to Cramham of all places from Archades to do this deal. The deal fell through, and one of the Lystow lot came up here and fucked up his little deal kidnapping her.
Marcus: What was his name?
Gethin: Ah... was it Jason... J... Jesper... no, Jasper!
Marcus: Lyons?
Gethin: Yeah, that's it! Jasper Lyons. Hang on, how'd you know all this?
Marcus: ...
Gethin: You have been in a coma, right?
Marcus: Yeah.
Gethin: For about four months... would you believe it?
Marcus: Not really.
Gethin: This is creepy, Marcus. Jasper's alive though, and still at large. He can't be far though, I mean Calogero was arrested just yesterday.



Marcus: So, Calogero's not dead?
Gethin: Dead!? No, he's not dead. Why would he need to be dead?
Marcus: Oh, fuck...
Gethin: Woah... what are you getting yourself all worked up for? Relax, man. Relax. It's all sorted. He's behind bars, he won't be worrying no one.
Marcus: I wish you'd understand...
Gethin: I can't read you, you've just came out of a coma. You can't read the world, either Marcus. Stay with me, alright? This might be a bit confuzzling, but... bear with... ok?
Marcus: Yeah.
Gethin: You want this explaining?
Marcus: Oh yeah, good and proper.
Gethin: Then let me advance. So, I've been running around doing all the shit... we also recieved a visit from a certain Mitch... Michael? No, Mitch. Mitch Becker. He came to, oversee the case, didn't he? We needed a bit of a hand? He's from Lystow, you know. Soon, I'm going to go onto more about Lystow.
Marcus: Wait... Mitch Becker? Don't you mean... Vincent Hopkins?
Gethin: Erm... no. I think that Mitch Becker and Vincent Hopkins are two very different names. This is making sense to you, right?
Marcus: Crystal clear sense, Gethin. Crystal clear.



Gethin: Alright, good. So, you've got me, Del, Mason, Leroy, then Mitch... then some INTEFED agent chipped in, some folk that went by the name of...
Marcus: Bryan Cordova.
Gethin: No. Will you let me get to it please!? Where are you getting all these names from?
Marcus: D'uh, a hat.
Gethin: Very funny. I was hoping the coma'd knock some sense into you, but it seems not.
Marcus: Oi, now take that back!
Gethin: I will if you promise to stop finishing my sentences with random names. No, it was not a Brian... it was Fred Spinks.
Marcus: Ok, so you lot went chasing after Calogero, obviously after you'd taken down this crimelord from Neath? Presumably he was taken into the hands of... Jasper. Then Calogero is running out of ideas so decides to jump ship and accept defeat, only for him to run right into the hands of the Cramham CID.
Gethin: Exactly. You're a magician you are. Jasper though... nowhere to be seen. Maybe he went back to Lystow. But now, I'm going to tell you something anyway that you might like... or indeed may not like to hear regarding Lystow.
Marcus: What's that?



Gethin: Well, I'm afraid that in the eyes of the Denevian government, the Cramham Metropolitan Police isn't deemed as fit as it was, so they're dismantling CID branch.
Marcus: Oh, fuck.
Gethin: Don't worry, Marcus. You haven't lost your job.
Marcus: What!?
Gethin: Mitch came to visit you while you were in your coma. We explained your attributes, and he seemed mighty impressed.
Marcus: What's this about?
Gethin: I'm telling you Marcus, you've got a new job... but there's one issue.



Marcus: What's that?
Gethin: It's in Lystow.







Mitch: Ah, just the man I've been SO eagerly anticipating! Marcus Redford! D.C.I Marcus Redford, in fact!
Marcus: Ha, that's right. You must be...?
Mitch: Mitch. Mitch Becker.
Marcus: Ah, yes. I know. Gethin told me a lot about you.
Mitch: To hell with Gethin. Man, he's about as useful as an ovulating grandma, man...
Marcus: (Chuckles)



Mitch: Anyway, what am I doing man? Come here, welcome to the team.
Marcus: It's a great pleasure, Mitch.



Mitch: Ah, sorry I'm not one for interior design, this isn't my room... it's Pete's. Pete is a very... how can I put this? Interesting character. You know, sometimes he's just so fucking dumb that even the blondes make fun of him! The blondes, in the canteen that is. By golly, you'll see some pairs they have down here. You'll be like an over-active dog panting like mad when you take a look at those big jugs, you know. By heck, big jugs they have.
Marcus: ... good.



Mitch: Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to dwell on it, but I have to say... it's a shame that coma crap happened to you.
Marcus: Ah, indeed.
Mitch: But you're alright now, right?
Marcus: Yeah, sure.
Mitch: Great. Then let's not carry on talking about that. Tell me - on the subject of women... arses too. You'll see good arses down here, by heck you're in for a treat. Phwooar, the things I would do to them...
Marcus: Ah, they're a great thing to have on Alterra, right?
Mitch: Ah yeah. That made you talk, didn't it? You didn't seem to interested when I spoke of their big fat jugs. Let me guess, Marcus Redford - you're an arse guy aren't you?
Marcus: I beg your pardon?
Mitch: You're an arse guy! Arse over tits, you know the one! That's you.
Marcus: Well...
Mitch: Me? Well, I'm 70-30. In favour of tits that is. Don't get me wrong, arses are plump and juicy just like tits but you know what tits have... they have simply... well, tits. I mean, physically... the tits. It's not just the boobs I like, it's the tits as well. Although, come to think of it - arses tend to be a lot bigger, don't they?
Marcus: Yep...
Mitch: So I reckon I'm going to go more 60-40 on that one. Maybe perhaps 55-45? But I can see that you're a man darn commited to the arse. So, isn't that great? We've established you're an arse man.
Marcus: I guess...



Mitch: Now, as much as I like to talk about round, plump and juicy parts of the feminine body, there's work to do. Since you're obviously eager to go following your encounter with a pissing tool of a driver, it's now time to get back to work! You ready?



Marcus: I suppose I should be.



Calogero Guiliani. 2011. The Driver.



Mitch: Alright, Guiliani. Today you're in the company of my mate, Mr Marcus Redford. If you say anything to harm him... that means, if you were to say 'Arses can get lost because I'm outright tit man' then you can fuck off. But, if it was just me in the room, I'd have already asked you to fuck off because YOU ARE A TIT! You got it!? Great! Let's crack on then!





Mitch: So, Calogero...
Marcus: Why? Calogero... why?
Mitch: Excuse me? This is me talking here.
Marcus: Shut up for a minute, please. I've something important to say. It was you, wasn't it?
Mitch: Him? What did he do?
Marcus: This was the guy who ran me over and put me in the fucking coma, Mitch my friend.
Mitch: Where's your evidence?
Marcus: You know it's quite common for some strange visions or dreams to occur in your coma?
Mitch: Well yeah. I'm hoping you're not going to tell me you've got gender dysphoria...
Marcus: No, no of course I haven't.
Mitch: You sure? Didn't you read last Tuesday in The Viewpoint about that Kimdon lad who asked for a sex change after he fell of his motorbike? You don't remember it?
Marcus: No...?
Mitch: Oh, of course you wouldn't. You were in a coma yourself, weren't you? Ah, my bad...



Marcus: This dream told me the whole story, Mitch. It's him.
Mitch: You like a good bit of yayo too, do you?
Marcus: No, fuck you. I'm no druggie. This is serious. It's happened before, and it'll happen again. I swear, I mean everything seems to be different now from how I remember it, but it seems that everything that has occured in the present day occured in my dream... just with... different people.
Mitch: ...
Marcus: Yep.
Mitch: ... Marcus, I think you're awesome that you like arses but... with all due respect...
Marcus: Yes?
Mitch: You're a fucking lunatic.



Chris: Who are we calling a fucking lunatic now, hey Mitch?
Mitch: Oh, Chris. Sod off. I don't want your yabber-yabber right now. We're trying to have a formal conversation with Mr Guiliani here.
Chris: I never seem to recall any interrogation of yours Mitch to be anywhere near formal what-so-ever.
Mitch: Go die, Chris. Go bloody die!
Chris: Anyway, you must be Marcus?
Marcus: Oh, hi. Yeah, nice to meet you...
Chris: Chris Osborne. A pleasure to meet you too, Marcus. Don't worry about Mitch, he's put a bit too much Cohnarite in his coffee again, bless the poor soul.



Calogero: Can we please continue!? This is wasting my time, remember... innocent until proven guilty!
Chris: I'm sorry Calogero, have these blokes been pissing you about?
Calogero: One of them accuses me of running him over!
Chris: Who?
Calogero: The ginger man.
Chris: Gingerbread Redford, really?



Marcus: Fuck you too, Chris.
Mitch: Fuck you and fuck you too, Calogero. In fact... fuck you all nigga's!
Chris: (Sighs) When will he ever learn...?
Calogero: This is wasting my time! HELLO!?
Chris: I know, I know...
Marcus: I'm telling you... you can tell by his face when I walked in. He knows me. He ran me over outside Jake's school.
Mitch: Jake... son?
Marcus: Yes.
Mitch: Family? Wife?
Marcus: Yes.
Mitch: You could've told me, then I wouldn't have interrogating on the whole arses over tits or vice versa shit.
Marcus: I couldn't get a word in edge-ways, Mitch!
Mitch: You should've been off like a strike of bloody lightning then!
Chris: (Sighs) Welcome to Lystow, Marcus...



Chris: Now you're not going anywhere until you confirm what Marcus has said. You understand? If he's wrong... then that means you give to us a good enough reason to believe you and not him... and then, I guess that means we'll have to give him the sack...





Marcus: Hi there, you must be Pete?
Peter: Oh yeah... Pete I am. What can I do for you, newbie?
Marcus: Gov, would be better, I think.
Peter: Really?
Marcus: I'm D.C.I Marcus Redford, so I think so...
Peter: Oh yeah, sorry...
Marcus: Sorry?
Peter: Sorry, sorry?
Marcus: What do you say?
Peter: Oh... sorry...
Marcus: Sorry... what?
Peter: Oh, sorry... gov. Sorry about that. ha...
Marcus: Sorry about that what?
Peter: Sorry about that gov and everything I have previously said gov that you have disproved of... gov!
Marcus: Yes, sir. Now, I would like a favour.



Marcus: This is 2011 now, so I guess technology can be used to our advantage. See if you can find anything on these guys for me...



Peter: Oh... okay... gov. But, Jasper Lyons? Don't you know him?
Marcus: Yes, I do... and I intend to find him but I still need to be informed on him, I mean... I've spent four months inside a coma, don't you reckon I need to know?
Peter: Oh, so you're the guy who got caught up in a coma? Ouch, big shame. Must've hurt.. gov.
Marcus: Did indeed. Now I'm just off to...



Peter: Wait, I'm getting an alert. Speaking of the devil, Lyons is using his cell phone. I'm picking up his signal and therefore I'm picking up his location... gov.
Marcus: Right... alright, where?
Peter: Sowma, the bright red dot as opposed to a slightly more opaque dot indicates that he's outside. You see, if he was inside, his dot would be more opaque to simulate the fact that he's...
Marcus: Ok, ok. I don't need to know that right now. What street? I'll probably need Mitch's help... I haven't been to Lystow for years, and now I'm living in the place. Fucking great...



Peter: Alright, 12 Beldevere Avenue. Got it?
Marcus: Got it. Thanks Pete.
Peter: No problem, Mitch will certainly no where it is. Now, er... see you.
Marcus: See you what?
Peter: See you... later?
Marcus: ...
Peter: Oh, SEE YOU LATER GOV!
Marcus: Yeah, right...



Marcus: We're heading to 12 Beldevere Drive, apparently it's in Sowma?
Mitch: Sowma, it is.



Mitch: Ha, you can always count on me, Marcus. I always know where things are. It's a pity I didn't become a taxi driver, I know these roads a damn sight better than they do. But hey, being a cop ain't bad. Not only do you get to disobey speed limits, but also you get to drink on the job and murder bastards who piss you off. Great being a cop, ain't it just?
Marcus: Ah, just the opposite...
Mitch: Now, don't you be worrying about Calogero, he's given in. Admits he ran you over. He didn't look too happy, and he just seemed like he was itching to release his confession.
Marcus: I'm pleased... but you see, in my vision... or dream, rather... I killed him.
Mitch: You are one strange man, Marcus. But I fucking love you anyway...



Marcus: I'm completely flabbergasted...
Mitch: As you should be. Now, let's go find Lyons.







Jasper: This is something fucked up, man. I don't know why you put me up to this. I'm dumbfounded, in all honesty... that I could be portrayed in such a way. Well, I failed to capture Martha, but she's still out there. But, it's best I give in. Calogero's lost, and that's all what matters...



Mitch: Of course it matters that Calo's lost, but so have you my friend. You're under arrest for reasons which I'm sure you're aware of... and in addition to that, I think you're a bastard. Got that?



Jasper: Ah, Mitch Becker. I was wondering when I was going to see you, again...





Jasper: Ah, Marcus. You was the guy who got caught up in the coma, right? Too bad my friend, too bad.



Marcus: It's a pleasure to hear you know of me, Lyons. Indeed, I know a lot more about you, though.



Marcus: So... anything?



Peter: I've got to admit, gov. They're all pretty much attached to one another in some way. Strangely enough, virtually every one of them is no longer with us. Vince Hopkins? Lystow's finest from 1968 to 1988. He was killed in a traffic accident in 1988, though.
Marcus: Tell me, did he have a short stint at Cramham?
Peter: You're right, and that was with Rod Barker. Apparently, these two go way back together. Barker was sent off to Cramham in 1968 as soon as it opened up. Worked at Lystow previously. The government had previously threatened to dismantle Cramham but after their success of capturing and killing Ronald Peters, they decided to keep the department open.
Marcus: Carry on with Barker.
Peter: Died in 1984, he was believed to have commited suicide driving his car into the ocean, but no one understands exactly why he did that.
Marcus: Bryan Cordova.
Peter: After fighting in the Denevian Army, he joined the INTERFED in 1981 and, funnily enough, he's still alive.
Marcus: Really? Where is he?
Peter: I can't find out where he is now or who he works for, but he's alive... that's the main thing.
Marcus: And he worked alongside the Cramham CID in 1984?
Peter: Correct.



Marcus: It's all becoming clear now...
Peter: Tell me, gov... how'd you come to know all of this?
Marcus: Ah, research prior to my coma.



Peter: But why do you need to know so much on it now?
Marcus: I don't know... I'm just... enormously intrigued I suppose. Tell me about... Jasper next.
Peter: Jasper Lyons? Alive and well. But just recently he's been charged with accounts of treason, forgery and even... blimey... torture?
Marcus: Did he ever work at Cramham?
Peter: Yes, from 1982 to 1992 in fact. Would've been young, though. He's 49 now, so...
Marcus: That made him in 1984... 22 years old.
Peter: Yes, what's obsession with 1984, anyway?



Marcus: Oh, can't tell you now. Come on then, let's conclude this. Tell me about Sam Saunders.
Peter: This is an interesting one.
Marcus: Tell me about it.
Peter: Interesting guy, by the looks of things.
Marcus: Alive?
Peter: No. Dead. He died in 1984, from what this is telling me. Worked as a detective at Cramham from pretty much the start... 1969 until 1984. Interesting.



Marcus: Ok... (exhales)... tell me the cause of death.
Peter: He was... ran over, gov. He was ran over...



Peter: Are you ok, gov? Can I get you a drink or something?
Marcus: No, I'm fine.
Peter: Ah, I can probably guess you've asked for me all these names because of Saunders, haven't you? All these guys were at Cramham in 1984, and Saunders died that year. I'm sorry, gov. I'm sorry to hear of his death.
Marcus: And I'm sorry to hear of his death too, as well as Rod, Vincent... and whoever else got killed that year.
Peter: It was the year when the notorious psychopathic Ronald Peters caused havoc in Cramham. What a pity, what a waste.



Marcus: I'll need to find Bryan some day, I'll need to hear about it.
Peter: I understand that. Sam must've been close to you or something?
Marcus: Erm, you could say that. Kind of.
Peter: I hope I did you good, gov.
Marcus: You're a star, Pete. A true star...



Marcus wasn't happy, he was only concerned. He could revel in his victory with his family, but in reality, Calogero was never killed. Marcus and Calogero were worlds apart, despite what Calogero did... worlds apart. And as for Jasper? Well, I guess he was just the bridesmaid...



Calogero: Lyons, nice to see you.



Jasper: To see you nice, Calogero. So, you ran Marcus down? Good for you.
Calogero: You know I had to.
Jasper: We all know you had to. But you did what you had to do here, too bad you failed.
Calogero: I suspect Martha would've never have lasted long anyway...
Jasper: Sorry for kidnapping her, but hey, there's never enough of her to go round to share, is there?
Calogero: Not exactly. Hey, I don't really blame you for what you did.



Jasper: You don't? Ha, too bad we both lost out then.
Calogero: (Chuckles) Let us pine then in the excruciating dismay of our misfortune, no?
Jasper: I'll drink to that... if I could, that is.



Calogero: Haha, to us... Jasper. To us!



(Gunshot)











(Gunshot)

I'm sure this is making as much sense to you as it is to me - absolutely none at all.