Episode Three (3): Fuck Imageshack

Jo: Hello and welcome to Sim Gear!
Eddie: As you can see, today we are outside as now, currently – the studio is completely destroyed.
Arthur: Yeah well apparently we’re having a completely new studio for the next series.
Eddie: Arthur – you wasn’t supposed to say that yet! Not until the end…
Arthur: Shut up.
Jo: Anyway…



Eddie: Obviously because we have no studio we begin outside.
Jo: And what a great way to kick us off with Eddie.
Eddie: Yes. The Marin came out last year and we loved it, a Denevian car that captured everybody’s attention in this day in age. But now – there’s a new one.



Eddie: And here it is – the new Dover Anthracite.



Eddie: Ok – I admit it. It’s not the most beautiful car I’ve ever seen… far from it. But the car itself is different.



Eddie: I mean the shape is nice but, the back just looks upsetting to me. Apart from that, you will soon discover.



Eddie: Let’s take it for a spin around the track, shall we?



Eddie: So already I notice that the gear changes are great, the car responds very quickly. Let’s put our foot down.



Eddie: To be honest, there’s nothing much. The top speed is just over 110 miles per hour – ok I suppose it’s not built for speed. So we’ll judge it on how well it handles, how comfortable it is, how practical it is… we will give the Anthracite a series of tests to prove how good it really is.



Eddie: It is indeed very comfortable; it won’t get boring on long journeys for sure.



Eddie: I think we shall do something now with the Anthracite. Give it a test we shall.



Eddie: I’ve enlisted the help of my co-worker Arthur Nedmonds.
Arthur: Um, yes you have.
Eddie: So what did you think to the Anthracite when you tested it on TSA?
Arthur: It’s a great car – it has good brakes. We were testing its stopping distance when driven into a building. It’s a great car, Eddie.
Eddie: So, I hope that you will kindly step into the Marin for us so we can do a lap race with the two.
Arthur: Sure. It would be my pleasure, just don’t push me off the track forcing me into a roll like what happened to you last week.
Eddie: That was the SDOC’s fault.





Arthur: The Marin is lighter, nippier. This should be good.



Eddie: We’re away!
Arthur: Great start for the Marin!



Arthur: Oh no!
Eddie: I’m reeling him in!



Arthur: Yes, final corner!
Eddie: Bugger!



Arthur: Oh my god!
Eddie: We’re neck and neck!



Arthur: Yes, I’ve won!
Eddie: Oh no! He’s beat me! That little Marin has bloody beaten me!



Jo: Hey guys.
Eddie: Hi Jo.
Arthur: What do you want?
Jo: I don’t want anything thank you, I just want to suggest a challenge.
Eddie: Ok, what’s this?
Jo: There is a parking space in the car park, surrounded by two parked cars. Each of you will take a turn of attempting to park as well as you can, your car in that space. Accept?
Eddie: Sure.
Arthur: Yes, it will be a very good test indeed.



Jo: Ok Eddie, whenever you’re ready.
Eddie: Ok Jo!



Eddie: Ok, here it goes.



Eddie: I think I’ve parked it. That’s it! I’m in! Can I get out though?



Eddie: I’m out! I’m successful! Or should I say the Anthracite is? Indeed I should!



Jo: Well done Eddie. Now Jo can only match it or fail completely. Let’s watch him.
Eddie: Sure.
Jo: When you’re ready Arthur!



Arthur: I’m nearly in!



Arthur: Marvelous! I’m in easily!



Arthur: This car is so small it can fit into the smallest of spaces, but the Anthracite has more space inside it.



Arthur: So what can we agree on? They’re both great cars.
Eddie: Yes indeed the Anthracite is a great car, has plenty of space compared to its little sister Marin, could this become a more popular car?
Arthur: It was indeed more anticipated than the Marin, but let’s face it, they’re both great cars.
Jo: Of course.
Eddie: So we can’t really reach an agreement on that one because we recommend buying both. If you’re looking for something cheap and cheerful, the Marin is for you. If you’re looking for something a bit more up on that, choose the Anthracite. Now it’s time for Rhys and this series final ever guest.



Rhys: Thank you Eddie and I’m joined by our final ever guest for this series, from the TV… its Graham Jones!
Graham: Hello guys.



Rhys: So how are you Graham?
Graham: I’m fine thanks, Rhys.
Rhys: That’s good to hear. So you’ve just finished the final series of your chat show Graham, it was a great show… many guests…?
Graham: Yeah, that’s right. I enjoyed doing it and it’s definitely returning later in the year.
Rhys: That’s awesome. So this is a car show, so you must know something about cars?
Graham: No.
Rhys: Nothing at all?
Graham: Nope.
Rhys: Do you drive?
Graham: No.
Rhys: Have you ever driven?
Graham: No.



Rhys: Well why have you came on the show then?
Graham: The fact is… I ride motorcycles.
Rhys: Oh I see! But still… you can’t drive… you’re not licensed… so what the hell?
Graham: It’s a track, it’s a private race track, and cops aren’t going to nick me at a bloody private track on an industrial estate in bloody Stillhon are they?
Rhys: No, but I guess you needed immense practice.
Graham: A bit, I just wanted to give this a go. It will make me consider whether to drive or not.
Rhys: Cars are much better than motorcycles.
Graham: No they’re not.
Rhys: They are, anyway… let’s watch your lap.



Rhys: 3…2…1 and away we go!
Graham: Woohoo!



Rhys: Yeah, it’s quite slow, but you’re through the first corner.
Graham: Thanks for that compliment.
Rhys: That’s ok!



Graham: Final corner! It’s going fine.
Rhys: Well true, everybody always seems to be quicker than they look.



Rhys: And across the line!
Graham: What’s the time?



Rhys: I can reveal, that you did it in 50 seconds!
Graham: Oh no…
Rhys: That’s right… but you did extremely well for someone who has never driven a car before. Let’s hand it over to Jo.

Melvin Owens 46.4s
Patricia Stoneham 47.1s
Ellie Stevens 47.3s
Rob Bean 48.5s
Jamie Cooke 49.1s
Graham Jones 50.0s



Jo: Here I am all the way up here, way above the ground on the roof of our studio. The fact is, in series 4 we’re getting yet another studio… yeah… another one. But this one will be much better.



Jo: The studio has been smashed already. It’s a mess – it’s just no good.



Jo: Presenter parking spaces have just been emptied to prepare for something big…



Jo: The track is empty after hundreds of laps from new cars, cars in challenges and of course simalebrities in a Dover Seurope. But now, no longer will a car drive on its turf.



Jo: Because what we’re about to do… is blow this studio to pieces. Something new will be built over it but we we’re given permission to blow it up.



Graham: This is ridiculous.
Rhys: I know, Graham – Jo’s idea.
Eddie: And mine.
Arthur: Bloody hell… you two are strange Ed.
Eddie: I know, but you are too.



Jo: All the cars in the studio are going along with it.
Arthur: You idiot. What about the Zenith and Starlight?
Eddie: Yeah?
Jo: They’re out, don’t worry.









Jo: We’ll see you next week, goodbye.