Episode Three (3)

Rhys: Hello there! Welcome to Sim Gear. I’m Rhys Fisher. In tonight’s show, I’ll have a guest in which they will be driving a lap around the Sim Gear test track, and Jo, Eddie and Nathan will be looknig at the rivalry between cars from different era’s from Yomoshoto and Landwhale.



Rhys: Now obviously with me being here this episode, as I appear every two episodes, there’s a guest. So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our guest today – Patricia Stoneham!



Patricia: Well hello there, Rhys.



Rhys: And hello to you, too. Now Patricia, you famous for many things – the famous thing you’re most famous for is being a famous actress. Isn’t it?
Patricia: Yep. That’s right. I’ve starred in many films, and the one which everybody will know I was in was ‘Live once, love once’.
Rhys: That film was amazing. You play that Simoviet spy very well, Patricia.
Patricia: Thank you.



Rhys: Another thing I’d like to discuss is your new movie coming out later this year.
Patricia: Oh yes, my new movie. It’s called ‘We are Alterran’. It’s a big film being worked on that has about 300 different roles in it.
Rhys: Bloody hell!
Patricia: I’m one of the main characters.



Rhys: Well tell us what it’s about then.
Patricia: ‘We are Alterran’, is basically a big three hour movie set in several different countries, spanning the globe, from Marvega to Sarean. It’s about somebody noticing a wrecked UFO in his garden, he identifies it and finds lots of information out about it, and they realize the planet the UFO came from is trillions and trillions of miles away, a distance you couldn’t imagine. He then brings the information to a space technology centre, and fifty years later, a very powerful rocket is made, to find this planet. I, play one of the astronauts. And after that, you’ll find out whether they find the planet. It’s costed us so much money to make this film, more money put into any movie before.



Rhys: Wow! That’s fabulous! I can’t wait to see that movie at the cinema. It sounds very interesting, Patricia!
Patricia: I know! I can’t wait to see how it turns out! But obviously I can only give you limited information; I could tell you a lot more… but…
Rhys: Oh we can wait, Patricia. I’m sure we can!



Rhys: Anyway, as this is a motoring show, I’ve been asked to ask you, why did you bother getting your arse to the Sim Gear studio today, and why did you even bother to plunk your arse on the seat of our Seurope?
Patricia: Haha! Well, I have a passion for cars. You’ve got to have a passion in cars to appear on Sim Gear, haven’t you? I loved driving the Seurope as well, it’s an amazing car! I love driving cars around tracks anyway, so I came here for a thrill. Also I’m competitive, so I want to beat your previous guests.



Rhys: Well, it seems you’ve come to the right place then. And what car do you drive nowadays?
Patricia: Well I drive several cars, my favourite would be my Landwhale Zenith, and I just love that car. I drive that car the most, I take the kids to school in it, and I use it on long journeys. Other cars I have are a Smoogo 720, probably any famous person owns one of them and I also have a Yomoshoto Yakuza.
Rhys: Ok so, you lap, how do you think it went?
Patricia: I think quite well, some of the corners were tricky, but I’m confident. I might snatch the top position.
Rhys: Well, it seems your confident, Patricia. Let’s have a look shall we?
Patricia: Ok.



Rhys: Right. We’re at the start line. We’re revving. We’re still revving. Are we going set off then? Come on! Oh bloody hell, the damn video’s frozen.



Rhys: Oh no it hasn’t. The camera crew must have started that film off way too early, you weren’t ready. Anyhow, you’ve got a good start, alright around that corner.
Patricia: I was nervous about that corner anyway, it’s the one you take at the most speed.
Rhys: Rightly so, you are.



Rhys: Fast down that straight there. Coming into turn three and four.



Rhys: We’re past that, coming up the final few corners as we reach the viaduct. Actually, speaking of which, I think we’re going to call that final corner Viaduct bend. So, Patricia, your going through Viaduct bend, how does that feel?
Patricia: I’m not going through bloody Viaduct bend anymore am I, though? That was earlier today. It’s pre-recorded, you dipstick!



Rhys: Anyhow, you’re across the line, Patricia.
Patricia: Woohoo!
Rhys: Drama queen.
Patricia: Hey!
Rhys: Well you are an actress!



Rhys: Anyway, the main time to beat was set by Ellie Stevens at 47.3 seconds! And you did it in… 47.1 seconds! Congratulations! You’re at the top of our leader board, Patricia!!

DriverTime
Patricia Stoneham 47.1s
Ellie Stevens 47.3s
Rob Bean 48.5s
Jamie Cooke 49.1s



Patricia: Really? That’s great! I’m amazed! I really am pleased!!



Rhys: Well done, you’ve been a great guest, but best of all, you’re quicker than Ellie Stevens, Rob Bean and Jamie Cooke! Ladies and gentlemen give it up for Patricia!
Patricia: Thanks for having me.
Rhys: Its ok, love.



Rhys: Anyway, now we must move on to something else. And that’s Yomoshoto and Landwhale. Over the past twenty to thirty years, they’ve battled and battled their arses off to create better cars than each other. One thing they both try to aim is to create the faster car, so speed is a key in this battle. So our Sim Gear lads went to the test track earlier this week, to see who the better out of the two is.



Eddie: There’s Yomoshoto, then there’s Landwhale. There’s speed, then there’s luxury. We don’t know what these two brands are trying to do with their cars, but… trying to make them better in each different category, we’ve got speed, comfort, reliability, and a lot more I could go on about for hours. Last week, Nathan raced the Yomoshoto Starlight, against the Landwhale Zenith, in a drag race. This week, we’re taking two big rivals of the 90’s and 00’s, one made by Yomoshoto, one made by Landwhale, from each decade.



Eddie: In 1982, Landwhale took over from Heaveola. Obviously Heaveola were big rivals with Yomoshoto in the 60’s and 70’s, but Landwhale had bigger rivalry. They were so much rivals, that in 2009 they merged together to put both their fabulous skills to make a fantastic car, and that was the Landwhale Zenith. And I’m here with the first two Landwhale’s. On your left we’ve got the Landwhale Genesis released in 1983. On your right we’ve got the Summit, released in 1985. The car which Nathan has. But as in the 80’s, Landwhale was a new brand, they didn’t put up much of a fight with Yomoshoto, until the 90’s.



Jo: Yeah. The 90’s was a big time for the two brands, as this time was the family car era.



Jo: And that’s when we got these. The 1997 Landwhale CLV and the 1996 Yomoshoto Evasion Mk.2 Multiwagon. Styling’s similar, if you notice. Similar output as well. The CLV was made to be a quick, powerful family car, like any Cermeydes or a middle-class Montgomery. The top speed of the CLV is around 143 miles per hour and it has 220 brake horse power. The 0-60 time is about 7.2 seconds. But the Evasion will only go 133 miles per hour and it has 185 brake horse power. Well if that’s one of the things they were made for, speed, who says we can’t race them? But let’s see what Nathan has to show us first.



Nathan: Let’s travel into the 21st century, shall we? Here we have the 2005 Yomoshoto Evasion GT on my left, and again, like all modern Yomoshoto’s, it’s got a 155 miles per hour limiter. Take it off and you’ll be hitting 177 miles per hour with its 325 brake horse power engine! Then we have the 2004 Landwhale GLS, GLS meaning ‘Grand luxury sedan’. And yes it is quite luxurious! This has quite good acceleration, taking it only 5.8 seconds to hit 60. The top speed is 160 miles per hour and it’s got 290 brake horse power. This is going to be pretty close! But let’s see what happens when we send the CLV and the Evasion Mk.2 Multiwagon into a drag race.



Nathan: Ok, Eddie’s going to take the Evasion, and Jo’s got the CLV. This is going to be quite a good drag! These two cars are really as good as each other; we’ll let speed decide, shall we? 3, 2, 1… Go, go, get your arses moving!!



Nathan: Oh god what a bloody good start by the CLV! God they’re faster than you thought! Look at that thing go! It hasn’t got a rocket up its arse has it?



Nathan: It’s getting away from that Evasion at lightning quick speed! It’s nearly there!



Nathan: Woo! The CLV storms across the line! That drag really dragged the Evasion out of proportion! Nice work by Landwhale. I mean it wasn’t bad for a car brand 15 years old beating one at this time a lot more than that. Great stuff.



Nathan: So, we’ve seen what those two cars are capable of, let’s see what the two big boys can do shall we? It’s the Evasion GT and the GLS! Bring ‘em on!



Nathan: We’re at the starting line. This is so exciting!



Nathan: Oh my god! The GLS’s away, ahead of the 177 miles per hour Evasion GT!! The Evasion has it’s limiter off!!



Nathan: Oh crikey!! The Evasion’s catched up! Oh my god! It’s looking like its going to overtake!



Nathan: Eddie’s cocked it up in the Evasion! Oh no he’s coming back! He’s coming back! HE’S COMING BACK! OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING!!! HE’S CATCHING UP!



Nathan: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WHO HAS WON??!! OH MY GOD THAT WAS THE BEST THING I’VE SEEN IN MY LIFE! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? Oh my god…! I have only one thing to say… and that is… that we’re bloody amazing… erm… I think I might have got a bit too excited…



Nathan: Terribly sorry but… who won?
Eddie: Well we’ve looked over it closely, and we’ve found the Evasion won by the tiniest ever gap. Although we weren’t sure… but I did struggle to change into fourth… so if I didn’t do that, the Evasion would have won, therefore… it did win.
Jo: I thought you suppose to be a professional Eddie…
Eddie: I am. We all struggle to change gears from time to time.
Nathan: Silly Eddie!
Jo: Oh god…
Nathan: Oh I’ve just had the greatest idea!
Jo: What?
Nathan: Race the Evasion against the Zenith and Starlight to see whether the Evasion really is a winner…
Eddie: Why not?



Nathan: Ok. As you can see, I’m in the Zenith, and we’ve obviously had to park it on the grass a bit… alright maybe it’s entirely on the grass which might cost it some vital acceleration but, it’s on the inside lane, so… I guess it’s not so bad.
Eddie: As my trousers touch the seat of the Starlight, I prepare myself for a good race.
Jo: I’ve taken the Evasion, because it looks bloody amazing. But I still haven’t driven the Zenith or Starlight yet. Bugger! Anyway, as you can see, this is a race around the track; this is where we’ll discover the winners and losers.
Nathan: Ok are we ready? 3, 2, 1, Go!!



Nathan: Bugger! I’ve cocked it up. Jo’s got the lead. He can cut me across with this space!
Eddie: Speed up!



Nathan: No! You’re not getting past me, Eddie the Edster in your Starlight! Neither are you, Joseph Jeans-wearer in your Evasion GT!!
Jo: Ah bugger! The git just got me!



Nathan: No, no no no no no! Noooooo! The git in the Evasion ain’t getting past me!
Eddie: Bugger, I’ve lost this.




Eddie: Haha! I’ve found the speed from somewhere! Nathan! Move! Your Zenith’s too slow through the corners!
Nathan: I’ve got the Evasion as we reach the final corner, but Eddie’s on my arse!



Nathan: No no! He’s coming up the inside! No! He’s got the speed and I haven’t! No!
Jo: Basically, what you are seeing here is a Yomoshoto Evasion GT losing…
Eddie: Haha suckers!



Eddie: Ah no! The Starlight wouldn’t lose. Would you, you little beast? I love you Yomoshoto Starlight!
Nathan: No! I’ve lost! All that work… gone to waste. Still the Starlight’s amazing… I suppose I just don’t like losing.
Jo: And that’s a fact – I’ve lost. What’s the point in letting this car go up to 177 miles per hour without it being no good on a track?



Eddie: So again, we have proved something. Yomoshoto’s are faster than Landwhale’s…and both brands have good different capabilities otherwise, so I guess there’s nothing to separate these two. Speed doesn’t always matter. But it proves the cars are getting quicker, but not faster. The Evasion GT is history. The Starlight is very fast. The Zenith is luxurious. They’re great facts.
Nathan: Certainly so, Eddie!
Jo: Certainly, so… you’re right there Nathan! Certainly so… Eddie!
Eddie: Certainly so… Eddie… oh god…! Anyway…



Nathan: Yep. That’s Sim Gear again with some big facts. Facts are everything in the world of motoring, aren’t they?
Eddie: Yep.
Jo: Certainly.
Nathan: So lads, the best car we’ve driven today?
Jo: By far, the Evasion GT. I can’t wait to drive the Zenith and the Starlight.
Nathan: You will eventually. But without a doubt, the Zenith for me.
Eddie: I’d have to go with the Starlight, it was very fast. Nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
Jo: You mean you’ve never driven a fast car?
Eddie: No I never meant that…
Jo: Oh so…



Rhys: Haha! What a brilliant film. Don’t you just love our chaps? Hey? And that’s it. It’s just about time to end, sadly! So from all of us here, goodbye and we’ll see you next week! (lol)