Desert Diary 5: A Moonstone Spectacular (Part 3)

An Evening With Mark & Holly... And Sally



Mark: Long queue.
Sally: You call this a long queue? You never saw the midnight opening of Dragon Blaze IV.
Mark: … You're right. I didn't. Because I had better things to be doing with my time.
Sally: In that case, why am I here then?
Mark: Because you DON'T have anything better to do with your time.
Sally: I could go home.
Mark: Without your passport? Good luck.
Sally: … You need to buy me new clothes then. I have none.
Mark: You as well? Have I not bought enough women's clothes this weekend?
Sally: … I'm going to smile, nod, and assume that wasn't supposed to be a strange sentence what you just said.
Mark: Terri can lend you something.
Sally: I thought you said you still have a whole bunch of Chrissie's old stuff.
Mark: Chrissie is much taller than you. Won't fit.
Sally: Terri's still a bit taller than me too. But she's very slender like me with just a little bit more “cuddliness” on the waist.
Mark: Your love handles. Terri's are exactly that-for cuddliness. Yours are an indication you never got enough love in life, so your body bears them.
Sally: Well this is true. But I can't be blamed for not being loved.
Mark: Yes you can. Stop chasing older blokes.
Sally: I don't!
Mark: John. Nikolaus Kristofferson.
Sally: … Yeah?
Mark: … Well that's enough. They're both like 10+ years older than you.
Sally: Mhmm. Don't think I haven't dated people younger than me, because I have!... Once. He was...
Mark: …
Sally: … Yeah, I have no end to that sentence. He just was...
Mark: Sounds like it was a perfect match.
Sally: Not really. And that's why I found myself liking guys who are older than me.
Mark: And yet, older or younger, male or female, human or alien, A Kazi still finds it an extreme task to find love from anyone, or anything.
Sally: Yeah well, I try. And I shall keep trying.
Mark: Good. It seems you're going to need to.
Sally: Oh you're so cute when you say that, it's no wonder I love you so much.
Mark: Because I love you so much as well?
Sally: You do? Seriously?
Mark: Well someone has to.
Sally: Highly offensive, but also so sweet that you elected yourself to be the one to love me.
Mark: Yeah, only because a few of us drew straws to decide who it was going to be. I drew the shortest one.
Sally: Really, you could've just not said that and left me convinced you actually love me.
Mark: I do love you, really. The short straw was just a highly convenient event.



(Long silence)
Mark: … Can't BELIEVE you left my little Sukes back home. I TOLD you to bring her with you. She was so happy to be visiting me too.
Sally: What can I say?
Mark: That you're useless.
Sally: Well I'm useless.
Mark: I agree.
Sally: But I still got here, didn't I?
Mark: Barely. And you can't get back as a result.
Sally: But see what I sacrificed to come and help you? How much of a good friend am I?



Mark: …
Sally: (Gives a cheesy smile)
Mark: … Shut up Kazi.
Sally: ...



Sally: I'm just going to pout and remain silent now until we get in.
Mark: Thank you. I was waiting for you to say that.
Sally: Hmph. Such abuse tonight.
Mark: Correct, and I will only give more if you keep yapping.
Sally: Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap.
Mark: Shut the fuck up you annoying blonde dwarf.
Sally: How rude!



Sally: So we're here. It's... Surely cramped.
Mark: About what I was expecting. I want to see you handle a mosh pit. You're going to be killed.
Sally: You haven't seen me mosh before, darling.
Mark: I think I'll lose you in the crowd. You're so damn short.
Sally: 5'5” isn't short.
Mark: It's short.
Sally: But Terri's 5'6”.
Mark: She's short.
Sally: Chrissie's 5'7”.
Mark: She's tall.
Sally: Maria's 5'8”.
Mark: She's a fucking giant.
Sally: And you're 5'9”.
Mark: I'm short.
Sally: What!?
Mark: For a guy, I'm short. For a girl, Chrissie and Maria are tall. Terri's average until she's standing next to the likes of Chrissie. Then she's short. You're a dwarf.
Sally: Oh ok then, so what about Sabbie who's 5'4”? Or Jenny who's 5'3” when she's not got them heels on? Or even Jessie who's 5'2”!?
Mark: Sabbie's a ninja, it's ninja code to be short. For a ninja though she's average height. Jenny's short, yes, but she's a blonde cowgirl who grew up in a hick town with a redneck family and half a dozen brothers, she's supposed to be short by Universal law. And Jessie's still a child, leave her alone. She'll grow.
Sally: Grrr I can't win!
Mark: You couldn't be more right Kaz, I applaud you.




Mark: What are you doing?
Sally: If you're so worried about losing me in a mosh, keep hold of me and you won't lose me.
Mark: Fuck that. Look after yourself. Sheesh!
Sally: But that's mean!
Mark: You told me you can handle yourself.
Sally: Well yeah usually, but these guys look big and scary...



Mark: … This douchebag looks scary to you? Oh Kazi, how fragile you are...



Sally: I was referring to the guy on your side, buddy.
Mark: Oh fuck.



Sally: Oh oh oh! I can see her!
Mark: Thanks Kaz, I did notice. I did remember to bring my fucking eyes with me, you know. Let me know if you need a boost to see over these average-height peoples' heads.
Sally: Hilarious.



Chrissie: Hello Lystow!
(Crowd cheers wildly)
Chrissie: It's great to be here! So you guys may be our penultimate venue on our tour this year, but we made sure our final spots were in our good old origins, and therefore the greatest-DENLAND!
(Crowd cheers more)
Chrissie: But I don't want to rock out too early for you all, so we'll kick things off steady first.
(Drums and guitars kick in together violently, while the crowd cheers in anticipation of the song)



Sally: You did get around to listening to her albums didn't you?... So like, you know what song this is?
Mark: Yes I did. Sort of. This sounds like either The Hunter or Gambling With Your Fortune...
Chrissie: (Singing) So you said “What exactly is the matter with you?”... I said “Nothin', this is just one of them things that I do.”
Mark: Ah, correction. This is Making The Rules. The title song of her album last year.



Chrissie: You shrugged it off and turned around. You slipped, you tripped, you hit the ground. You turned back to me, you knew it too. I said “Hey fuck you pal, I make the rules!”



Chrissie: Ooooooh woooooaaah-oh-oooooh. Oh yeah, 'cause you never liked the way that I did my hair. Or the attitude, but I just don't care. 'Cause ooooooh woooooaaah-oh-oooooh...
Sally: … I like it.
Mark: I know, me too.
Sally: … You don't mind her swearing? You used to find her subtlety charming.
Mark: Well things change. People change.
Sally: Some people don't.
Mark: But some do.



Chrissie: You're drivin' me crazy, and you're fuckin' lazy. You couldn't even keep me here if you tried to pay me- NOW!
(Guitar solo)



For the purposes of corporate fraud and copyright laws that rule the universe, we couldn't really record a whole song, let alone a whole concert. I mean, people do, but it's risky stuff. Chrissie was certainly incredible out there though.



And the mosh pits weren't as bad as we were expecting.



Sally: OW!
Well, for most of the time. I was fine so long as I kept my distance from the steroid dude next to me. It seemed Denland all hated Kazi though, as she was constantly getting smacked over the head. A beer bottle on one particular occasion. Sure enough, she started huddling into me for protection. What was I? Some sort of meat shield?.... Wait, never mind, that sounded very odd. Still, I owed her the courtesy to at least try and protect her.



Of course I failed at doing so. And some big fat bitch came clambering through, nearly knocking me to the floor but putting Kazi face first into the ground. Poor poor Kazmeister, that really bad cut on her cheekbone too. Bless her. Even Steroids next to me had a wobble after Cowbag bumped into him though. Thought he was gonna' turn around and smack her one at one point. That would've been fun, because she'd have been dead before she hit the floor. Don't think I didn't avenge Kazi though. If it were a bloke, I'd have just went straight up to him and decked him one. But with it being a woman, I had to be more subtle so the judgmental and sexist community we live in wouldn't scorn me for my actions. I followed her to a more crowded part of the mosh, then simply tripped her up and made sure she smacked her head as badly as she made Kazi do. The unexpected factor though was that her stupid handbag got caught on my shoe so I tripped up too during my escape. I got out before she knew I was there though, plus I had the bonus of tearing her precious bag as I ripped my foot out of it. I gave the shred of suede and leather to Kazi as a souvenir of protecting her. She appreciated that very much. I was her hero. A real human being, and a real hero. That's me.



Chrissie: Thank you everyone out there tonight, you've been terrific stars. You guys all get home safe now, rock on, and happy new year!
(Crowd cheers wild for the last time, and for the wildest of times)



Mark: Come on Kaz, now's our chance.
Sally: I'm already wounded in battle, Sarge.
Mark: No time for doctor jokes, come on!



Security: Sorry sir, do you have backstage access?
Mark: Of course.
Security: Oh, go on through then.
Mark: Thanks!



Mark: … Hold on... Was it really that simple?
Sally: Looks like it.
Mark: Huh... Weird... Meh!



(Sounds of a group laughing and chatting)
Mark: That's them!
Sally: Wow, you're good at recognising Chrissie's voice.
Mark: 7 years Kaz, 7 years. Need I explain how much time that is to accustom to someone's vocal chords?
Sally: Point made.



Mark: Hey!
(Silence)
Mark: … Uh... Hello?
Julius: Yo dude. Hey, you look familiar.



Chrissie: Of course he does...
Mark: Chrissie?
Chrissie: … I'm sorry, yes?
Mark: What happened to your hair?
Chrissie: Why? What's wrong with my hair?
Mark: It... Was it just the lighting? Because it looked black on stage. And your albums. Well, some of your albums.
Chrissie: And pink, red and orange on the other albums, Mark. They're wigs, you know that right?
Mark: … Well I do now.
Chrissie: (Laughs) You seriously thought I did that to my hair? No no no no no no no! It's just wigs and makeup, which I then take off after. Ha! Aw Mark, you're such a cutie.



Kevin: Woah man, it IS Mark Davison! Wow... Hey what you doin' here, man? We thought you fucked up.
Mark: … What?
Kevin: With Holly man. You totally like bailed on her ages ago and stuff, didn't think you'd come back for her.
Chrissie: Uh Kev, now's not the time for-
Mark: Um... Kev... If I can call you Kev?
Kevin: Of course you can, dude! You're Mark-Fucking-Davison!
Mark: I like that name... Anyway, Kev, Chrissie... I mean “Holly”... Has much better things to be doing than wasting her time with me.
Julius: Too right. Like finishing off our Four Chord game.
Mark: Yeah like... Wait, what's that?
Chrissie: Kev, why don't you sit back down and Julius, why don't you explain to him how much of an arse he's showing himself up to be?
Kevin: Hey Hol, I get that this guy means a lot to you and stuff, but his opinion can't be THAT bad, right? He doesn't think I'm being an arse.
Mark: No I... Don't?
Kevin: See? Besides, Julius, shut the hell up bro. Hol don't got nothin' more important than this fella' right here.
Mark: Kind words, Kev, but she really does.
Kevin: Dude, do you know how much she cried over you? Wantin' you back and shit?
Chrissie: KEV! I swear to whatever you want me to, if you don't shut your mouth right now I'm gonna' fu-...
Kevin: AWWW! Man, nearly caught ya' out! Ha, it's pretty stupid how you won't swear outside of your songs y'know. Not excessively anyway.
Chrissie: Rrrr... Rawr.
Kevin: Oh shit ok I'll back off.



Mark: What's that about?
Chrissie: Oh, the Rawr thing? Well you always called me The Rawr Girl for going “Rawr” when I was being cutesy and that. Well, I also sort of use it when I'm trying to vent anger. I hate being mad. But Kev really tests the rest of the group sometimes.
Mark: Oh alright then.
Chrissie: And about what he said there, about us, I...
Mark: Don't worry Chris, I didn't... We don't have to talk about that, it's ok.



Kevin: BOO!
Julius: Shut the fuck up, Kev.



Chrissie: So many questions Mark... What are you doing here? How did you know I'd be here? How did you get IN here? And most importantly... How are you?
Mark: I'm here to see you. To talk to you. I knew you'd be here because my parents gave me two tickets a couple days ago. They may have hated you, but for once they did well by me for this. I got in here because I'm just that charming and fabulous.
Sally: (Scoffs)
Mark: Shut the fuck up Kazi.
Sally: Sowwy.
Chrissie: … I'm sorry, who's this?
Sally: Oh! Hi, I'm Sally.
Chrissie: Oh. The girl who does the radio with Mark and Paddy.
Sally: Yeah, that's me!
Chrissie: … You're pretty.
Sally: Oh wow, thank you so much. That's so sweet.
Mark: Yeah... Very sweet.
Chrissie: I can see why he likes you then.
Sally: Hm?
Mark: What?
Chrissie: … Oh! You mean you don't-... ? You're not... ? Oh shit...
Kevin: Whey hey! Finally! She did it!
Mark: … Anyway, to answer your important question: I'm doing alright, thanks. How've you been?
Chrissie: Despite what Kev may say, I'm doing great.
Mark: Good... I figured that much. I mean... It's been almost a year since...
Chrissie: Since we last spoke, I know...
Mark: … Chrissie...
Chrissie: I'm sorry.
Mark: … For what?
Chrissie: Everything... I never... I never wanted to just up and leave like that. But I didn't think I could handle it. You and Terri again. I thought if I didn't leave straight away then I never would, and it would only tear me apart every living day.
Mark: But... Chrissie, me and Terri broke up again before you even told me officially you weren't coming back.
Chrissie: Yeah, and? Was I meant to assume you would want me back as soon I turned up on our doorstep, stretched my arms out and asked for a cuddle?... It wouldn't have been fair to me, you OR Terri if you did. Besides, I know you were having feelings for Maria at the time.
Sally: Wooooooow... Even I didn't know that.
Mark: How DO you know that?
Chrissie: …
Mark: … Fucking Nicky.
Chrissie: Don't be mad at him. He tells me everything, you know he was always my best little kid friend in The Wasteland.
Mark: I didn't realise you and him still spoke.
Chrissie: Oh we do. Most weekends online.
Mark: And you never thought to ever speak to me in all that time? Your Sparky?
Chrissie: … You weren't my Sparky anymore. You were Terri's. And then, even though she never knew it, you were Maria's.
Mark: I'm no one's Sparky anymore. Well, not in that sense.
Chrissie: … So what does that mean?
Mark: I don't know what that means. Maybe I wasn't meant to be anyone's Sparky after all.
(Sally lightly elbow nudges Mark)
Mark: … Yes? Can I help you?
Sally: Not me. But maybe help yourselves.
(Long silence)
Sally: I'm going to go talk to the rest of the band, while you sort things out.




Sally: … Take the hint already!



Chrissie: She doesn't mean-...
Mark: I think she does.
Chrissie: … This is almost like high school matchmaking.
Mark: Maybe college matchmaking would be more applicable to us.
Chrissie: Yeah, of course...
Mark: Heh...
(Long silence)
Mark: … Look, I'm going to put it out there, you've probably got a boyfriend already but-
Chrissie: Uh-
Mark: -That's fine, it won't hurt me, it's only fair you have someone too like I have had since you and me were a thing. All I want to say-
Chrissie: Mark-
Mark: -Is that so long as he makes you happy, respects you, and never ever EVER hurts you, I'm cool with him. If he DOES hurt you, I will personally murder the cunt, and I'll happily serve the jail time for it.
Chrissie: You shouldn't say that word so much....
Mark: “Jail”?
Chrissie: … No, the C word.
Mark: “Cool”?
Chrissie: … Yes.
Mark: Ok, sorry. But anyway, I know I hurt you... I hurt you badly. I hurt you too much to ever even deserve to stand in front of you and tell you all this. You deserve better than me, and better than that Lalo fucker from Mystery Beach wherever you had your extended break at.
Chrissie: Please Mark, please-
Mark: Oh no it is Lalo, isn't it? You're going out with Lalo I KNEW it! Why Chrissie? Why!? He's the one guy who deserves you less than me, WHY IN WALSH'S NAME WOULD YOU LET HIM HAVE YOU!?
(Silence)
Chrissie: … Are you done?
Mark: NO I AM NOT FUCKING DONE!
Chrissie: MARK!
Mark: WHAT!?




Mark: …
Chrissie: Will you let me speak now?
Mark: … (Quietly nods)
Chrissie: I would sooner sling it with a creepy 80 year old Rochesberrian man who had a sex change before I would ever even SEE Lalo again. He is the worst human being-
Mark: -Let's not get carried away, I know at least THREE people that qualify before him-
Chrissie: But I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM!... He's history. I realised how much of a wreck I was to even THINK of him for a split second... That was what inspired me to start this band, to stop focusing on relationships and just enjoy life as me and with me. I could never care about a guy like Lalo.
Mark: … I understand...
Chrissie: You do?
Mark: Yes. That's what I was trying to say-you can't care about guys like us.
Chrissie: Um, Mark... You aren't Lalo.
Mark: Well I know that! Fucking hell, there are limits... But I'm still similarly as bad.
Chrissie: No, you're nowhere near as bad.
Mark: You're just trying to be nice.
Chrissie: Mark, I just kissed you to shut you up. If you were comparable to Lalo, I'd have just slit your throat instead.
Mark: … Actually that's a very good point.
Chrissie: Exactly!
Mark: … Why DID you kiss me? Do you not have a knife?



Chrissie: …
Mark: What? What is it?



Chrissie: … I've missed you...
Mark: And I've missed you too, but...



Mark: … But I-
Chrissie: (Whispers) Shut the fuck up, Sparky...
Mark: … Cookie...
Chrissie: Sssh...
(Very, very long silence)



Mark: …
Chrissie: … I like this. It's been forever since I've felt like this, standing here.
Mark: Well yes... It would. I haven't seen you since 2012 as it is. Last time I saw you, I think it was on the Evil Born Evil set. Man, you were pissed at me that day.
Chrissie: I was?
Mark: We'd just broken up the night before, I think. I'm just saying, thankfully Luke never let you handle one of the guns.
Chrissie: You know they weren't real guns, right?
Mark: What? Of course they were! Crimson Media always go for authenticity.
Chrissie: … Oh... I didn't realise. But either way I wouldn't dare hurt you. Ever. I wasn't angry at you... It just broke my heart to stand there. Watch you and Terri talking together on your break.



Mark: … Cooks?
Chrissie: … (Sniffles)
Mark: Aw Cookie, come here...



Kevin: Hey-hey! What's going on over there, guys?
Julius: Kev, will you give them some fucking privacy!?



Julius: As I was saying... I figured Dragon Blaze III was the bestselling of the series... Personally, I preferred to rock DB II.
Sally: Wrong, actually. DB IV outsold III by at least two hundred thousand copies in the Marvegan market alone. Though my favourite had to be III, at least with the limited edition DLC, including the pre-order only exclusives that I waited up all night to get at the premiere release.
Julius: Being a computer savvy person, can you not just torrent them?
Sally: Yes you can, but a gamer girl like me can't wait 3-5 weeks for someone to upload them to the P2Ps.
Kevin: You two are weird.




Chrissie: Can you forgive me?
Mark: There's nothing to forgive you for. You never did anything wrong by me. I should be asking YOU for forgiveness.
Chrissie: If I never treat you like crap, like I did when I got homesick... I wouldn't have lost you. I'd like to think we'd still be together now in fact, maybe even married, or even just engaged at least... And possibly... POSSIBLY... Thinking about the future beyond that...
Mark: …
Chrissie: …
Mark: I thought that too. All the time. In fact, I still wonder what would have happened if we never fell out.
Chrissie: … Want to find out?
Mark: What, you mean-... Try again?
Chrissie: … Well if you'd maybe want to. We could.
Mark: …
Chrissie: Hm?
Mark: … Is that what you want?
Chrissie: … (Smiles) Well I wouldn't say no.
Mark: I wouldn't say no either, only...



Chrissie: … ?
Mark: It wouldn't be fair. On you, or on me. I never expected to break up with Terri a second time, but she still wanted to travel... I was happy where I was. I'm still happy where I am, but you... You LOVE the travel, it's part of your work.
Chrissie: I wouldn't cast you aside for the band. You were always first.
Mark: But you realised your dream-to be a singer. And you did an amazing job of making fame from it. I could never ask you to give that up for me. What have I ever done for anyone? Nothing. I've dragged people behind me for too long. You deserve more than that. Better.
Chrissie: No. You realised my dream for me. I could never thank you enough for all you've ever done for me in our lives. Yes, you drag people along, but you don't do it without keeping them happy too.
Mark: If that was true, I wouldn't be losing more people than I'm gaining right now.
Chrissie: You aren't losing me. But I get it... You're right. We lead different lives now, and it probably wouldn't work like that again. I couldn't bear losing you anymore, not after the last time. But... I'd like us to be something. Anything. I was fine until you came back, and now you're back, I don't want you to go.
Mark: Then I won't go. I promise.



Leigh: Hey Chris, you'll never guess what I just saw- Wait a minute... You.
Mark: Hi Leigh.
Leigh: Leigh-Anne.
Mark: No, I'm Mark.



Leigh: Been a long time.
Mark: Couldn't agree more.
Leigh: You're still an annoying arse.
Mark: You're still...
Chrissie: Come on guys, don't.
Mark: … You're still you.
Leigh: Observant.
Mark: Deductive.
Leigh: Why are you here?
Mark: Why are YOU here?
Leigh: 'Cause Chrissie's my little sister.
Mark: Half-sister. She's one of my best friends.
Leigh: WAS one of your best friends.
Mark: Still is.
Chrissie: Still am.
Leigh: What!?
Chrissie: … What?
Leigh: What are you wasting your time on this guy for this time, Chris?
Mark: I couldn't keep away. She couldn't get rid of me.
Leigh: I'll do it then.
Chrissie: No. I don't want rid of him.
Leigh: I know someone who WILL want rid of him. Shall I go get him?
Mark: If it's who I suspect it is, please do. I've got a score to settle with him. Thanks Leigh, you're such a sweetie-pie.
Leigh: It's Leigh-Anne. Can you seriously not get it through your head?
Mark: Oh I can, but see the best part about my girl's siblings apparently was always to piss them off. At least you.
Leigh: Right... Fine... Well I'll bring along our other friend who you also seem to like to piss off.
Mark: Oh I'd like to do more than just piss him off, believe me.
Leigh: That sounded so gay.
Mark: Yeah well so are you!
Leigh: Well I am, technically. I can bat for both teams.
Mark: … Oh shit, that's right.
Leigh: Lol. You lose this time, twatface.
Mark: Well I have to let you win one every now and again so I don't COMPLETELY kick your arse in the running total, Ice Queen.
Leigh: Well you wait right here baby, and I'll be right back with our wonderful friend.
Mark: Fat friend. Not even a friend, just fat. And a tosser.
Leigh: Well I'll let you say that to his face then.
Mark: Thank you, that'll just be the beginning.



Leigh: Wait right there then. Don't you move! And you neither, Chris.
Chrissie: If I must.
Mark: Oh I'll be here.



Chrissie: You should go.
Mark: No, I promised you I wouldn't leave you.
Chrissie: Oh come on, you have my number, you have my arcachat, you know where I live, and vice versa. I'll see you again soon. I promise. I'd like to see you more often. Maybe go for a drink or lunch sometime, next time you're free.
Mark: You got it.
Chrissie: In fact, my last venue is in Neath on New Year's Eve. If you'd maybe want to come along?
Mark: Normally I'd drop anything I had and be there right away. But I'm at Luke's then.
Chrissie: Oh, of course. No worries. I'm free New Year's Day?
Mark: I'll pick you up.
Chrissie: Oh, I'll pick you up. I have something to show you that you'll like anyway. When you go, see if you can check out the car park quickly, ok?
Mark: Uh... Alright.




Chrissie: And as for her...



Chrissie: … (Smiles) She really is pretty. I love her hair.
Mark: I think I made reference to it earlier... Something about her being a man.
Chrissie: Oh.
Mark: It's fine, she's used to abuse from everyone.
Chrissie: It's quite something that she's come all the way here for you.
Mark: Well I told her to. But the stupid tool has lost her luggage, her personal documents and also her roommate.
Chrissie: Wow... She sacrificed a lot to be with you then.
Mark: It's hardly a sacrifice when the loss could have been prevented very easily if she wasn't a complete airhead.
Chrissie: But she still went through all the trouble to get here, and yet she still wanted to stay with you after all of that.
Mark: She has no choice, she's got no identity anymore as a result. I don't even know how we're getting her back home.
Chrissie: She'll manage. She reminds me a lot of myself. Risking it all to travel halfway across Alterra to be with someone special to her...
Mark: I didn't realise Nikolaus Kristofferson was here.
Chrissie: … Mark, I'm referring to you.
Mark: Me?
Chrissie: Yes.
Mark: … You're out of your mind. Kazi would never... She wouldn't... She couldn't feel that way.
Chrissie: Why not?
Mark: I just can't see what she'd see in me. I'm too immature. I don't respect her enough. I suppose I bully her a lot. I can't possibly make her feel very good about herself, even though I do think wonders of her. And I'm not the romantic soul she probably wants.
Chrissie: (Scoffs) You? Not romantic? Please...
Mark: I couldn't be romantic towards her. It'd be too weird.
Chrissie: Maybe that's what makes it exciting. Maybe you need someone who you'll be different around, rather than these soppy relationships you pursue with me and Terri. Maybe you need someone who's a bit like “one of the boys.”
Mark: She IS a boy.
Chrissie: She-... Really?
Mark: Well no, technically, she's... It's a long story. We just take the piss and say she is.
Chrissie: You're confusing me now... Is she or isn't she?
Mark: … She's not. But most of Alterra do now wonder if she is, and that's the fun of it.
Chrissie: … Level with me. Is she a girl, a boy, or a converted? Because I seriously have no idea right now.
Mark: (Sighs) She's a girl, 100% girly and feminine, has always been a female and has never been a male, and doesn't intend to be. Is that clear enough?
Chrissie: I suppose. Either way, she certainly has a bit of a shine towards you.
Mark: Cut it out.
Chrissie: Fine, you don't need to listen, just... Just look after her, ok? She seems really nice. And I can tell she really looks up to you to take care of her. I see the strong trust she has in you. And she has MY approval.
Mark: Yeah, whatever.



Leigh: I swear, Wallace, he's here! Just in that room!
Sally: That doesn't sound good...
Mark: Yeah, we have to bail.
Chrissie: Out the back door, round the building to the car park.
Mark: Thanks Cookie.



Chrissie: You both take care now.
Sally: Sure.
Mark: I'll see you in a few days.
Chrissie: Indeed you will, Sparky.




Chrissie: (Sighs)



Mark: You're too fast.
Sally: Oh hurry up, will you? And people claim us gamers are the ones who are unfit.
Mark: For short little legs, they sure do some speed huh?
Sally: Yeah, slower than a dwarf. How does that make you feel?
Mark: Oh I'll show you, bitch. I'll show you I can be faster than a little vertically-challenged blondie emo college-drop-out gamer girl!
Sally: Wow, the taunts are unreal.



Mark: What am I-... Oh wow.
Sally: What?
Mark: Take my keys and bring Bobbie around. I've seen what Chrissie wanted me to see...
Sally: But I can't drive a manual! I only have an automatic license.
Mark: Right now, you don't have ANY license. Just bring the damn car over. Make yourself useful for once.
Sally: Fine!




Mark: What a machine.







Mark: Oh, Amy the Amazon... I'm actually so jealous, I wish you were my car now. What a masterpiece Chrissie made you into. Better than I did with you myself back in the glory days.
Voice: “Glory days” you call them?



Mark: You sure moved fast for a fat fucker.
Wallace: Touché, Davison.
Mark: It was about time I saw you again, Hutchinson. You look awful.
Wallace: I could say the same thing, that beard thing you have growing on your face.
Mark: Better than being fat and balding.
Wallace: Yeah try telling that to your Russell Curtis-fat, balding and GINGER. Plus, less rich than me. Who would've thought him replacing me on Kings Of The Desert as Tommy would be the best thing to happen to me?
Mark: He played Ralph, actually. We scrapped the Tommy character when we scrapped you. We didn't want you around anyway.
Wallace: Is that why Jenny still spoke to me afterwards?
Mark: Did you never catch on when she eventually stopped replying? After we convinced her to stay away from you and stick with us?
Wallace: True. But I took your most precious girl from you as a result. Your own “Chrissie.”
Mark: She still is mine. Sort of. More mine than she is yours.
Wallace: And you figure that how?
Mark: If I asked her to pick a side, she'd side with me.
Wallace: Is that why she's not your girlfriend anymore but I'm her manager?
Mark: She knows I'm better than you. In every way. Even as a manager.
Wallace: Oh really? And tell me, did your term as manager get her any fame? Even a debut album? Nope, it didn't.
Mark: We have the album, Hutchinson. We just never released it. Besides, I still manage the Elizabeth Chalmers Orchestra and Area 16. And Lizzie gets loads of work for film soundtracks, and her own concerts nationally.
Wallace: Ah yes, but international? I don't think so. And sorry, but The Cookie Collection is much more superior to Area 16, who are just amateurs in the same genre of music.
Mark: What the fuck ever. I'm done with you, and in the end... I won.
Wallace: No Mark, I won. I have Chrissie, the fame, the money... More so than what Moonstone's ever had. What, you've got a TV show that's been on-hold for 2 years and may as well be cancelled? A radio show where you all just talk shite? An asbestos consultancy firm, a courier service and a security hire for small events? A shitty article in The Emerald Herald? Seriously, is that all Moonstone has? It's all worthless. YOU'RE worthless. Every single person associated with you is better off never knowing you!
Mark: SHUT THE FUCK UP!




Mark: Oof!



Wallace: How pathetic an attempt that was to go for me.
Mark: … Thank you.
Wallace: Come again?
Mark: I set that up deliberately. I could've hit you first if I wanted. But now you've hit me, it's given me an excuse.



Wallace: Agh!



Mark: You say one more fucking word and I WILL end you right here in this car park. Go ahead, go on and try me. I wanted to smack your ugly mug so hard for years, and so help me I'm trying really hard not to do it again.
Wallace: I believe you. But that's fine. I can now sue your ass for assault. You just screwed yourself over, you thick bastard.
Mark: I beg your pardon? I think you'll find you hit me first, as I already stated, I only retaliated in self-defense. And don't worry, it's on film, so we have the proof. You want to sue me, it won't work. It'll only backfire on you. In fact, go ahead, try. You can let it go, or you can cover your ego by trying it on in court, but you will lose if you do that. And after your failed attempt to sue me two years ago, I'd hate to think the consequences of you losing your case would be even worse for wasting police time on multiple occasions.
Wallace: …



Sally: Mark! Get in!
Mark: I told you. No matter what you do from this point on, I win. And that was all I wanted-to beat you. Moonstone may not be one of the richest and most valuable firms to exist, but we're well known in many places for various reasons, and we're all rich enough to live luxury. But so long as I can stick my fingers up to you and say “fuck you, you fat pompous dick, I've got many points over on you” I'm happy enough.
Wallace: We'll see who's laughing when I take the last of what you own.
Mark: I'll laugh when I see you try that. You're so much more pathetic than you were when you left The Wasteland with your tail between your legs.
Voice: Hey! There he is!
Wallace: Security sure took their time...
Mark: Gave us a chance to catch up though, didn't it? Well now's my time to make haste. Don't work too hard now, Wally!
Sally: Mark, come on!



Sally: MARK!
Mark: I'm coming, I'm coming!
Sally: Security's after us!
Mark: You don't think I've got eyes? I KNOW THEY ARE!



Mark: GO!
(Car stalls)
Mark: You're fucking KIDDING me Kazi!
Sally: I am TRYING here!
Mark: Of ALL the times you could stall, you do it NOW when we need to be QUICK!
Sally: I said I'm TRYING!
Mark: Then fucking try harder!
(Engine restarts)
Sally: THERE! Are you HAPPY now!?



Mark: Thank FUCK for that!




Security: And who the hell are you?
Harry: Uh... No one? (Nervously laughs)



Security: Hey, get back here!



Harry: FOR FREEDOM!
So maybe we left Harry behind. When you combine me and Kazi-two awfully forgetful people-we tend to forget much more than we normally do singularly. Can you blame me though? The idea was he was filming silently in the background all week. Not my fault if he got left behind due to his cloaking duty. Still...



Harry: Nyah! Sharp damn thorns!



We all got a good laugh at Harry's escape footage.



Harry: Hyah!... Nggh! Oh shit-!




Harry: OW! Fuck I've sprained my ankle, I'm sure of it!
Anyway, he got back to us eventually. He only twisted his ankle a little. A bag of frozen peas and a lot of mocking from the guys later...