Desert Diary 1: Girls Behaving Badly

Girls Behaving Badly (No, not in the way you’re thinking, sorry… Yes, we’re disappointed too)



Eliza: Do you think we set it up right?
Chrissie: There’s only one way to find out I guess. Hi everyone! No, this isn’t an episode I’m afraid.
Eliza: We would blame Mark but…
Chrissie: Neither of us would ever do that. If it was Neil or Jamie, then perhaps.
Eliza: Definitely.
Chrissie: This is “The Desert Diaries”, it’s our… new idea. Mark told us to do this diary before we left home to do filming up at Rivet City, also known as The Rivet.
Eliza: But we forgot… So we stopped the car on the way and now we’re sort of doing this…



Eliza: In the middle of nowhere really. And yes, I’ve had my lovely Elektra washed, she deserved it.
Chrissie: And also there’s just no way either of us would sit on the front and cover ourselves in dust.



Chrissie: Anyway, Mark also told us to directly address a good friend of his, Luke Enfield of Crimson Media, that he did everything he could to make this idea unique and not a copycat of the RPM blog.
Eliza: Vlog.
Chrissie: Vlog?
Eliza: Video blog.
Chrissie: Oh right. So yeah, Mark’s idea of making it unique was to call it a diary instead of a blog… vlog… video blog, and state that this is more of a pod cast, and one that we would conduct on our travels, and in locations as we moved around, which doesn’t happen much.
Eliza: So it’s completely different.
Chrissie: … Actually we may as well be honest that it isn’t different at all, we can say that while it’s just us two here.



Eliza: You forgot the main part of this diary, Chrissie.
Chrissie: Oh yeah! Sorry about that. Erm, so yeah, Mark thought that the plan of release of episode fourteen was “too out of whack now to just be released when finished” so he’s keeping it “under his collar” until Friday now, and release it then as normal, and the main finale will be next week.
Eliza: Mark also gives his word that he has plenty time next week to end the season on schedule.
Chrissie: That was a promise.
Eliza: And though Mark doesn’t break promises to the likes of me and Chrissie… And Jenny, who plays Megan, you never know when he makes excuses at the last minute. We love him, but he can be very unorganised, despite his best attempts to be the opposite of that.
Chrissie: That’s Mark in general-always ends up the opposite of what he wants to be.
Eliza: He was aware of this though, and so he said that if he doesn’t keep this promise, he will keep Nicky with him at all times for the entire of our time up at Rivet City and also when he’s off to Azaria and Denland this week and weekend. Nicky is Mikey by the way, and they are as good as the same person really-he can be a handful.
Chrissie: Gives Mark motivation to get it done on time now, putting himself in that situation.
Eliza: Are we allowed to explain why he’s going to Azaria and Denland?
Chrissie: No I don’t think so…
Eliza: …
Chrissie: I think that wraps up the pod cast really, doesn’t it?
Eliza: I think so. Thank you everyone for watching! These diaries will be recorded at irregular intervals and shown whenever they feel important.
Chrissie: (Under her breath) Just like the main show.
Eliza: (Giggles) Well you’re right about the irregularity I guess. Anyway, see everybody again soon, and take care!
Chrissie: Bye!



Chrissie: Please tell me it was on and it recorded it.
Eliza: It recorded.
Chrissie: Thank the sands for that then.
Eliza: But we’re still recording and I don’t know how to work this camera.
Chrissie: I thought you were the computer whiz person?
Eliza: This camera’s pretty old, I don’t understand it. All the symbols on the buttons are half worn off.
Chrissie: Let me take a look then.



Eliza: … Can you manage?
Chrissie: Not really. See, this is why we should have done it at home, we could have gotten Harry to help us here.
Eliza: Careful!



Chrissie: Oh!
Eliza: Well done.
Chrissie: (Giggles) Alright then… Perhaps we just leave it and wait for the battery to die and cut out. Harry can edit out the rest of it.
Eliza: Sure. I only hope that Harry doesn’t leave some in, like he did with Mark and Paddy.
Chrissie: Don’t be silly, I’m sure that won’t happen.



Nicky: And SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO… That’s just… THE WAAAAAAAAY it iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!
(Crowd boos)
Nicky: But I AL-WAYS WAN-TED… so much… BETTEEEEEEEEEEEER than thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!



Paddy: Why did they have to do karaoke?
Jamie: Why did we let Nicky have a drink?
Mark: Why did we even bring him into the club!?
Neil: WHY DID WE EVEN BRING HIM TO THE RIVET!?
Nicky: We’re out of luck, we’re out of time! That day you left me was the day you OVERstepped the line!
Mark: … Lizzie, what are you filmin’ us for?
Eliza: Erm…
Chrissie: We couldn’t shut the camera off, so we’re waiting for it to die. We’ll get Harry to edit all this out.
Neil: That’s good. I trust Harry.
Nicky: And then… You… TOLD ME THAT… I’m gonna’ be sick…
Voice: Hey! That ain’t the right line!
(Loud crashing noise)



Neil: Oh not this again.
(Crowd cheers)
Jamie: ‘Least the folks are happy now.



Eliza: Still not gone to sleep yet little camera? You not tired? Awww.




Eliza: Oh hey! Not when I’m changing! … Hmm, I have an idea.



Nicky: (Behind the door) Urgh, I feel so ill. I need to go downstairs for a drink.
(Approaching footsteps)



Nicky: My head’s killing me.



Nicky: Ow! Who put that camera there!?



Mark: What’s going on out-… HAHAHAHA! Oh Lizzie, you genius! I never thought you’d have it in you.
Eliza: (From behind the neighbouring door) Thank you… I feel bad about being so evil, but I couldn’t let the camera catch me changing.
Nicky: Ow… Not my best night.
Chrissie: Tomorrow should be interesting.
Mark: We can make tonight interesting too, sweetheart.
Chrissie: Do you really want to sweet talk me like that when that camera could still be recording?
Mark: You asked Harry to edit it yourself, he wouldn’t do it for me but he would for you. I trust him this one time. C’mon then, let’s go back in the room, where the camera isn’t around.



Nicky: What do I do with this camera now?
(Camera beeps)
Nicky: Oh? Is it dying finally? Yaaaaaaaay!



Author’s notes: Harry, you slimy little cockroach! When we get back home I want to have a personal word with you in the office.
Crew’s notes: Harry says “Was that a euphemism?”
Author’s response: Expect to have a few digits docked off your salary for that.