Afternoon 004 - Apocalypse Special (Part 1)

NOTE: This was an unreleased episode which was written and due to air in January 2014

Jenny: Disclaimer. Today's show features the usual extreme foul language, an' also scenes of explicit fear an' fright... Er, though it's day time outside, an' it ain't really scenes that y'all see, more that y'all be hearin', so... I can't really see how this gonna' be much fright'nin' really but I been told that were what I hadda' say anyways. Keepin' ourselves and y'allselves safe an' all that.

Afternoon 004: Apocalypse Special, Part One

Mark: Hayley...
Sally: Ellenor...
Mark: I've already said Eleanor before.
Sally: Different spelling.
Mark: Oh, okay. I'll give you that one then.
Paddy: Lauren...
Mark: Lexy...
Sally: O-... O-... Not this again, the Os are the worst.
Mark and Paddy: HELLO!
Sally: Hold on, I didn't even-
Paddy: And...
Mark: Winona...
Sally: … Elena...
Paddy: Laura...
Mark: Crystal...
Sally: O-... Dammit already!
Paddy: Martina...
Sally: No, no! Stop it. Stop it now. We're never introducing the show like this again.
Mark: Elisa...
Sally: Will you listen to me!?
Mark and Paddy: WELCOME!
Sally: Guys!
Mark: To...
Sally: GUYS!
Mark and Paddy: An Afternoon With Mark & Paddy!
Sally: …
Paddy: And?
Sally: … And Sally. Look, guys, enough with the girls names. I want a new introduction to the show next week.
Mark: And what do you suggest?
Sally: I don't know yet! Give me some time, I'll think of something. Better than naming all your past girlfriends.
Mark: Hey, I've only ever had the two girlfriends-Terri and Chrissie. Everyone knows that.
Paddy: Yeah, and I've never dated a Lauren.
(Silence)
Paddy: … What? Oh, right... No, they aren't all names of past girlfriends. Some are, I'll admit, but not all.
Mark: Most?
Paddy: … A fair few...
Sally: Really Mark? Just the two girlfriends huh?
Mark: … Officially, yeah.
Sally: Unofficially?
Mark: Well there was a two week spell I was single and... Ahem, I mean, no, what? You are!
Sally: … I'm what?
Mark: Yeah, that's right, and don't you-... Uh, forget it! Yeah, that'll teach you.
Sally: … Wow. Well I got sick burned.
Paddy: (Clears throat) Welcome everyone! Please forgive my incompetent and unprofessional colleagues here, this is An Afternoon With Paddy... And Guests.
Mark: Screw yourself Paddy! You're the least competent one here.
Paddy: … Now that was mean.
Sally: It was quite harsh.
Paddy: Shut up Sal.
Sally: I'm defending you!
Paddy: I don't need Little Blonde Hooded Emo fighting my battles for me, thanks.
Mark: Besides Kaz, you should be on my side. You know fine well I'd side with you over Paddy in a heartbeat, sweetie.
Sally: Really? Or are you about to turn this around into another insult aimed at me?
Mark: Really. I love you, girl. And I'd much rather have the love of you than the love of... of... that thing there.
Paddy: Thanks.
Mark: I mean, if it were the apocalypse, and I had to find myself a mate to spend the rest of my life with and procreate with after most of humanity had been wiped out, you would definitely be on my short-list.
Paddy: Yeah, procreating with me isn't exactly an easy achievement, Mark.
Sally: Ew. I think I read a Moonstone fan-fic about that once.
Mark and Paddy: Shut up!
Sally: How short is this short-list anyway?
Mark: … Short.
Paddy: Compared to a trip from here to whatever farthest planet lies just outside of our solar system, sure. Very short.
Sally: Hmmm... Let me get back to you on that then.
Mark: Sure. Though the apocalypse is arriving sooner than you think so you best decide quick.
Paddy: That's right, becaaaaaaauuuuuuuse...



Paddy: Arrroooooooo!
Mark: The fuck was that?
Paddy: Werewolf. Scary spooky things and all that.
Mark: We're doing a zombie roleplay during a lunchtime radio show, and the only scary thing is how retarded every one of us is going to prove that we are. Also, no werewolves present.
Paddy: Well I wasted my talent there.
Mark: Talent? I hope you weren't going for scary there, because that was nothing like it.
Paddy: I went for dramatic really. What's the point of trying to make a radio show scary?
Mark: Huh, I guess...
Paddy: Anyway, this is no ordinary afternoon with Mark & Paddy.
Sally: And Sally.
Paddy: And Sally. This is... An Apocalypse With Mark & Paddy... And, uh, and Sally too. Sorry.
Sally: Apology accepted.
Paddy: … Thank you... Yes, uh-
Sally: You're welcome.
Paddy: Sure, whatever. You're putting me off now. So, this here is a special show, where we are playing The Apocalypse Road. You may remember Mark reviewing the game a while back.
Mark: Yep, well the computer version of the game received a major overhaul and even utilises a new game engine. We now have the option to host our own online server to run the game with friends, both local and online AT THE SAME TIME.
Sally: It's very innovative, and surprisingly not too buggy either. I actually signed on with Suki to do beta-testing in my spare time a few months ago to help its progression.
Paddy: So it's your fault if it fucks up then.
Sally: No.
Paddy: But it's always your fault.
Sally: No it isn't!
Mark: Anyway, on top of that, they've improved on the structure of the “prologue” of the game, while the rest of the game remains the way it did before. Plus the options to have NPC survivors, both friendly and hostile, at the same time as your local and online friends. So it gets pretty heavy.
Sally: And does require a much better system than the older versions did. That's why the older version is still available for download for those who don't have such a system. However, old Apocalypse Road is now free!
Mark: But since Moonstone is comprised of a few computer geeks, and gamers, and generally people who use computers all the time, we've all gotten ourselves computers capable of running such a game. Although I have to say my powerful laptop could already handle it no problem so I didn't need to change a thing.
Sally: Me neither, as I have my custom-built desktop that I built myself from scratch and is regarded as one of the most powerful gaming machines in the country. I even got an article in Gaming Comp magazine because of it.
Paddy: Wow... That has to be the nerdiest thing you have ever said on-air before.
Mark: Let's get started. It isn't just us three though. As explained, we've gotten a lot of us joining in today. Some of us are here in the studio – we have Al and Lizzie just opposite us.
Alex: Yo Zed Slayers!
Lizzie: Hi everyone.
Mark: We have the great blue Suki herself between me and Kazi right now.
Suki: S'up guys, it's the Sukes.
Paddy: And practically sitting on your lap is...?
Mark: Is the even-greater Mimi!
Maria: Hey guys.
Mark: And then we've got even more people elsewhere right now, talking to us through TACT, as we managed to get it working fully and operational since our last afternoon.
Lizzie: You mean I got it working fully and operational.
Mark: Yeah, sorry Lizzie-kins.
(Dog barking over microphone)
Jessie: Angelo, no! Not the wire, don't chew! Bad little angel saint.
Mark: Jess?... Are you in my caravan?
Jessie: I'm sowwy Marky!
Mark: No, no, it's absolutely fine honey. I let you keep your key because you're always welcome to stay over whenever you like. It's just that usually when you're there in the day, you're usually with-
Nicky: Hellooo!
Mark: … Yeah, I figured as much.
Floyd: Is it bad that we're all here?
Mark: Floyd too? Geez, how many of you are actually there?
Jessie: Oh, just us three, don't worry. Well, and Les Animaux too.
Mark: That's why I'm worried. There's not one responsible adult in that caravan...
Sally: We could be here a while if we introduce everyone who's taking part today. So maybe we should just begin now and people can find out who's here as we go?
Mark: Okay then. Right everyone, you know the server name, connect.
(Silence bar a few people typing)
Jamie: How many of us actually are there?
Mark: We'll let everyone get on and then we can count.
Jamie: I'm sensing this is going to be a disaster.
Mark: That's what makes this fun and exciting!
Jamie: If you say so.
Mark: You'd think you've never heard of fun or excitement before.
Alex: Probably hasn't, to be honest.
Jamie: I heard that.
Alex: Yeah, but you aren't here so you can't get me.
Jamie: I know you're in the studio though. The best part is you don't know where I am, I could just come over there and make a surprise visit.
Alex: Oh... Well if you're gonna' be a spoilsport about it...
Mark: Everyone connected?
Sabbie: No, no, wait a moment...
Mark: Sabbie! You're meant to be a ninja, I thought you'd be connected first.
Sabbie: I was changing my key bindings!
Mark: You're using hotkeys aren't you?
Paddy: Hax!
Sabbie: No. Not hax. Call it “preparation.” In an apocalypse, that's especially important. Gee, do you not know anything about anything?
Alex: The ginger has a point.
Sabbie: Darn tootin'.
Mark: Lemme know when you're on then. Is everyone else on? Not waiting for anyone else?
(Silence)
Mark: … Excellent, thanks.
James: Sorry, what was that?
Mark: (Sighs)
Lizzie: What are the rules?
Mark: Rules? Lizzie, in the apocalypse, there are no rules.
Lizzie: So we just play as we would in single player?
Mark: Pretty much. We go from the east coast of Brentstone, Goldshores over to the historic town of Huldergard, Finneasville over on the northwest. Any route you wanna' take, go ahead and do it. Any car you want, go ahead and take it. Anyone who wants to group up with whoever, go ahead and join 'em. We're treating this like it were the real thing. In which case, Mimi, may I tell you that I've always been a great admirer of you?
Maria: Oh... Okay. Erm... Is this for real?
Mark: I did just say we were treating this like it's the real thing, so yeah, totes.
Maria: Wow, how forward... You've actually left me just about speechless.
Paddy: Oh please. Give over, you two.
Sabbie: I'm on!
Jamie: Fuckin' finally...
Sabbie: Hey, when I'm the only survivor of this trek, you're gonna' wish you were in my good books this whole time, mister! Nobody 'n' nothin' gets the better of The Sabster!
Jamie: It'll be amusing then when you fall prey to the horde.
Sabbie: Ain't gonna' happen! Not with my big cuz' Tigs here with me.
Terri: Uh, yeah, about that... I'm not so sure on what I'm doing?
Sabbie: Do NOT show your weakness to the enemy, Tig!
Mark: Tigger!
Terri: Sparky!
Jamie: Oh fuckssake, here we go...
Sabbie: Hey, partner, focus your in-game chat on me, not him!
Mark: I didn't realise you were playing.
Terri: … But you invited me. I got the arcamail.
Mark: Oh! I didn't realise. I never got a reply.
Terri: You know I like to surprise.
Mark: That you do.
Maria: Ahem.
Mark: …
Jamie: You're right, this IS the real thing. Oh, how wonderful...
Neil: Look, can we start now if everyone's on? I'm bloody nodding off here, I'm that eager to get going.
Mark: Okay, okay. Let me just do a quick headcount.
Neil: Oh c'mon!
Mark: So with everyone online, we have 28 people.
Paddy: That's... a lot...
Mark: Free servers have a capacity of 30 so we're alright. I wouldn't have even minded paying a few simoleans to host a 40 capacity server if I needed to. Mainly because I'm logged into Kazi's account anyway, but still.
Neil: Just start!
Mark: Fine!

Chapter I: An Explosive Start



Neil: … Loading... Loading... Loading... Come on, I paid top buck for this computer, I should've loaded in quicker by... Oh, I'm in. Whey-hey! First in too by the looks!
Sally: Quickly followed by me.
Mark: Oh come on, let me be a podium starter then... I'm in! Screw you guys, I'm off to go loot!
Maria: Wait! Don't just ditch me at the spawn! I thought you wanted us to do this together.
Mark: … You're right. I can't leave you.
Maria: Thank you.
Sabbie: I'm in!
Terri: Wait up for me, just a sec...
Mark: Hey Terri, you want to stick with?
Terri: I was wondering when you were going to ask.
Maria: But Mark... You and me.
Mark: And leave my Tessy-Bear for dead? In the apocalypse? Are you CRAZY Mimi!?
Miri: AGH!... Oh, it's just you guys. I thought I spawned amidst a horde or something. That would be terrible.
Mark: Nah, that doesn't happen. Not unless you're unlucky enough to-
Paddy: Fucking son of a bitch!
(Flat-line beep)
Mark: … Did you bug out and spawn in a horde?
Paddy: Yes...
Gwen: Haha! Loser! So what, you're out of it already?
Sally: No he isn't, the devs added a script to allow respawn if that bug occurred. Same with if you're a bad enough player that you don't survive the first night alone, they allow respawning too. But once we get out there, if you die, that's it, game over.
Gwen: Fifteen simoleans says Paddy's the first to die for real.
Kendra: In life or this game?
Gwen: Just the game for now. I may make that other bet with you in the future, if I weren't so convinced it'd be Linnie.
Lindsay: Ah sod off you.
Paddy: And I'm back.
Mark: Good. I'm not sure who's left to spawn in, there's a few missing. But some people out there aren't really speaking to us right now so it's their own fault. Everyone's free to set off when they want, unless they're waiting for someone particular.
Terri: I'm here!
Mark: Terri! In-game warm embrace!
Terri: Sure! How do I do that?
Mark: We can't, sadly. It was a figure of speech.
Terri: Oh, okay.
Mark: Just waiting for the Mimi now.
Maria: Y'know what?... Just go.
Mark: Huh? No, I won't leave you behind.
Maria: Nah, forget it. I'm only rolling with you if we're a straight pair, no more. I don't do groups, you know that. Not in the apocalypse. Except for my Cats.
Mark: Y'know what, fine, me neither. Let's go Tigger.
Terri: But Sabbie...
Sabbie: It's fine, I'll go on. You'd probably only slow me down anyway.
Terri: And what's that mean?
Sabbie: Later!
Terri: … Where did she go?
Sabbie: Next building over.
Terri: Wow, she IS fast, even in-game.
Sabbie: I put the trait points into speed when we did character creation earlier.
Terri: Oh right, makes sense now.
Mark: Come on Terri, let's find somewhere snuggly for the night. We can't move forward until daybreak tomorrow.
Jamie: Oh, so that's why it won't let me leave town.
James: Is that you in the middle of the road jumping into an invisible wall?... I thought it was a buggy NPC.
Jamie: None of your business. I found what gear I wanted straight away, I just want to set off already.
James: Without a car?
Jamie: Yes. I reckon I'd find something better beyond this hole.
James: Well hey, I could let you tag along with me and Jules-
Jamie: No thanks. I'm flying solo.
James: … Oh no! Jules!
Julie: Are you wandering off without me?
James: Where are you, babe?
Julie: Still spawning in... There, I'm done. I think I was last in, sorry. My connection failed so I had to re-log.
James: I'm coming back!
Jamie: I think I'll just wait here.
James: Bruno, you coming?
Bruno: Uh, I'll meet up with you in the morning. I'm going to loot over at the other end of town, where hopefully the better gear is.
Sabbie: You want to be quick before I snaffle it then.
Bruno: You're there already!?
Sabbie: Just about. There's a couple NPC survivors here too... One doesn't look too friendly, I think I'm about to have an encounter.
Arnold: What are they packing?
Sabbie: A shovel.
Arnold: Oh yeah, that's me. Hi.
Sabbie: You beat me here!?
Arnold: I spawned over here.
Sabbie: Oh. You haven't just gone and taken everything have you?
Arnold: Not much in here, though there's a pitchfork in the shed I spotted if you want that.
Sabbie: Can't. I don't do double-handed, it affects my agility score.
Arnold: Fair enough.
Sally: Someone's about to get whacked!
(Metal clang)
Paddy: Fucker!
Miri: What now?
Sally: Someone just jumped Paddy. I saw them running at him but I was too far away to see who it was.
Harry: Hang on, I thought blue meant NPC.
Sally: Green is non-hostile NPC, blue is player-controlled.
Harry: Shit... Sorry Paddy.
Paddy: That was YOU!?
Harry: … I'll not loot your corpse, I'll let you get your stuff back... Oh, you had nothing anyway.
Paddy: It wasn't like I had the time to loot!
Harry: But you had a backpack, I thought there'd be something in it.
Paddy: I only just found that bag!
Neil: Well done Harry.

Howie: So... Has everyone just hunkered down into the buildings now?
Alex: Yup.
Jessie: Me and my squad are up on the shed roof!
Nicky: Yeah! We can't be reached from up here!
Floyd: We win!
Jamie: That shed doesn't look that tall. Maybe I'm just too far away.
Howie: Where are you, Jamie?
Jamie: Still on the road.
Howie: I'd get inside, take shelter.
Jamie: I'm good, thanks.
Howie: Your fault if something happens then.
Helen: No! Whoever's just opened that door, don't come in!
Howie: Helen? You're in the pottery hall?
Helen: Yes. It's spacious so I can run around and have room to escape.
Mark: The first night's raid isn't that bad you know. Only when we get further into the journey.
Helen: Don't care, I'm not taking chances.
Howie: Surely you want a partner in this though. And you know I'm the most loyal guy here, come on.
Helen: … I sure hope the apocalypse doesn't change you.
Howie: It won't, I promise.
Mark: SCORE!
Howie: What?
Mark: I found alcohol!
Howie: Where?
Mark: In the bar obviously.
Terri: Hurry back Mark, quit looking for alcohol.
Lindsay: I thought you were an apocalypse expert, Mark.
Mark: I am. So I can afford to enjoy myself a bit. Stock up on booze, find a quick car, a couple weapons with enough ammo and then we can bolt the journey fast. We can just scrounge for the snacks and whatnot when we find places to loot quickly-the farmhouses, isolated gas stations and the like.
Terri: I'm not so certain this is a good plan.
Mark: You don't have to come with if you don't want, but I'm not going to abandon you unless it's what you wish.
Terri: … Fine, I'll stay.
Julie: So how long do we have to hold out for?
Sally: Daybreak is usually 6am. Do you have a watch equipped?
Julie: … No.
Sally: Oh... Does anyone?
Howie: How can you tell?
Sally: Well, is anyone's character wearing a watch?
Miri: Oh, mine is.
Sally: Press T.
Miri: … Ah, it's 10:56pm.
Sally: The server starts at 7pm, to give you an idea.
Julie: This could be a while then. So long as nothing too intense happens.
Jessie: Gah!
Paddy: What's happening now? I refused to leave the building I spawned in this time.
Jessie: The shed's not tall enough. Repeat. THE SHED'S NOT TALL ENOUGH! The horde's reaching at our feet!
Nicky: What do we dooo!?
Jamie: Told ya'. You make for an interesting show over here on the road.
Gwen: I'd help if I could. But I'd only save Jess. Nick and Floyd can be left to their demise.
Jessie: NO! I will not leave my squad behind!
Gwen: I guess you're on your own then.
Floyd: What about the barn?
Jessie: Can we make the jump?
Sabbie: If your athletics is high enough, you can.
Floyd: Only one way for it...
(Silence)
Floyd: Nooo! I didn't make it!
Kendra: Hahaha! Aw, how sad...
Jamie: That looked so pathetic from here.
Jessie: Jamie! Help us! Help my fleet!
Jamie: (Sigh) I was planning on saving this for later, since it's such a rare find. But, with the possibility of taking Nicky and Floyd down with it, I can't pass up the chance.
Floyd: Whatever it is, help meee!
(Silence, followed by a dull metallic clang)
Nicky: What was that?
Jessie: NICKY! JUMP!
Nicky: Huh? O-
(BOOM!)
Floyd: OWWW! Why!?
Jenny: Fuckin' 'ell! Ya' just threw a grenade, didn't ya' Jamie?
Jamie: I did.
Jenny: Coulda' warned me. I'm hidin' out in that barn by the shed an' I was near that wall too. Nearly blew my fuckin' arms off.
Jamie: I think I actually did that to Floyd. He's not getting up.
Floyd: I'm alive!... I think I've got crippled legs though, I can't stand.
Jamie: Where's the other two?
Jessie: I saw what you were doing, so I told Nicky to go for it and jump for the barn. We made it!
Floyd: Typical. I knew I shouldn't have put my character trait points into immunity.
Jessie: Floyd, look out! One zomble remains from the horde!
Floyd: Oh great.
Jenny: Screw it, here.
(Slashing sound, then a zombie groans)
Floyd: Thanks Jen!
Jenny: Whatever. Jus' don't bother me 'gain. I'm not wastin' this sickle on jus' anybody.
Floyd: … Noted.
Jamie: And you guys said staying on this road would cause me problems.
Jenny: Oh, by the way Paddy, I took ya' backpack. 'Il come in 'andy when I get more loot an' stuff.
Paddy: Sure, whatever. I've just taken what's in this room I spawned in and I'm not leaving until morning. Which means I begin my journey with a can of beans, a kitchen knife and an orange.
Mark: What any experienced traveller needs.
Neil: And you're planning on soloing this journey, are you?
Paddy: … Well I'll tag along with anyone who's offering. I need all the help I can get.
James: Jules?
Julie: You can come with us Paddy.
Paddy: Thanks guys, I know who I can depend on in the apocalypse.
Gwen: Wimp.
Mark: Got a question for ya', Pads.
Paddy: What?
Mark: Got a can opener for them there beans?
Paddy: Uh... No.
Mark: Gwen, I'll double up on your bet. He's fucked.

Chapter II: The Apocalypse Cats



Bruno: Ah, sweet, sweet morning. How I have been awaiting you...
Karen: Hey, um, is anyone wanting to use the cream coloured Smoogo Dalis out near the diner?
Harry: Who said that?
Paddy: No, no one here in their right mind would take the Dalis.
Karen: Hmmm... What about the grey Dover Blizzard?
Kennedy: I'll take that, it's as good as any. Al and Bruno, you guys fancy teaming up?
Alex: Kenny? I didn't even realise you were with us. You've been quiet.
Kennedy: Never played before, so I kept hidden until I got used to the controls.
Karen: So you three are taking the Blizzard then? Alright, that's good.
Kennedy: How good? And who's asking this anyway?
Karen: No reason, it's fine, don't worry.
Mark: Hang on, I know that voice... Kay-Kay, is that you?
Karen: Oh, um... Hi Mark.
Helen: Karen? Why are you here?
Mark: I invited her... I didn't think you had this game.
Karen: I didn't. I asked mum's permission to get it. She reckoned I'm grown up enough to play it. Besides, it's with the people I work with so it's not like I'm meeting strangers or anything.
Neil: Is this the same Karen who-
Mark: Plays your niece Ellie in Kings Of The Desert. The very one.
Neil: Karen, you're twelve aren't you?
Karen: Nearly thirteen! Come on, I'm more mature than some of you.
Miri: Girl's got a point.
Kennedy: I still want to know what's so good about the Blizzard?
Karen: Nothing, forget about it. It was a stupid decision I made anyway, I only wanted to know if it was okay.
Kennedy: If WHAT'S okay?
Karen: I said forget about it!
(Clunk)
Karen: It'll be fine.
Mark: I've scoped out what I want. I want this.... No, not this. That. Wait, no...
Sally: What's the matter with you?
Mark: I may have got my character drunk overnight, so now I'm fighting the controls to keep myself straight, and I keep walking into the other cars instead.
Terri: Maybe I should drive.
Mark: No! I'll be fine. It's wearing off anyway.
Terri: If you say so...
Sabbie: Now Mark, you love my cousin. So protect her. Don't get her killed in a car crash.
Neil: Yeah, and don't let the cops pull you for drink driving either... WOAH!
(Car speeding past)
Neil: That wasn't you who nearly just flattened me in that Yomoshoto Evasion was it?
Mark: No. Especially since I'm trying to enter an Armada GTS right now.
Paddy: You found a GTS?
Mark: Yep, I spent all of last night scoping the cars out so I'd get a jump on the cream of the crop.
Jessie: Oh Neil, that was you?
Neil: You're in the Evasion?
Jessie: Yep! Nicky wanted a Hunka.
Neil: Oh, of course. I only saw two people in the car though. Where's Floyd?
Floyd: Over here.
Paddy: Is that you on the floor that we're walking up to?
Floyd: Yeah, hi there.
James: Hi!
Floyd: Hi...
James: … Ok, bye!
Julie: Wait, James, we can't just leave him.
James: What are we supposed to do? We've got no medical supplies.
Sally: A makeshift splint or crutch would be enough to get him to walk, if you're a bit bare on supplies. Sukes?
Suki: Um, yeah, hold on... I have the crafting guide here on the desk... Yeah there's a couple things you can try. Most blunt double-handed melee weapons can act as crutches, or you can combine any form of wood with something to bind them. So things like sticks with bandages, tape, vinyl wrap or something. Or just a plank. Is there any in that barn?
Jenny: No there wasn't. Was all just hay, I'm 'fraid.
Suki: Oh...
Julie: Wasn't there a pitchfork in the shed?
Harry: Yeah, I took that, sorry. I did leave a steel bar in there though.
Suki: That would work!
Harry: It was damaged and bent though, does that matter?
Suki: Oh, yeah it does actually. Hmm. I dunno then. You guys may have to scavenge.
Paddy: Do we really have to waste time here? We still need to go get a car.
Julie: Well Paddy, you go look for one and meet us back here.
Paddy: Fine.
Julie: James, stay here and watch Floyd. I'll go see if I can find anything anywhere.

Maria: I'm rather amazed that Jess left one of her own behind. Especially after just sayin' she refused to leave him.
Jessie: I didn't want to! But he told me to go on without him!
Floyd: Yeah, to go get help, not to just skip town!
Jessie: Oh... Well you really could've been more clear with your instructions, you know.
Floyd: What's the point? I'm a goner either way.
James: Now don't say that! We... We'll get you sorted.
Bruno: You sound unsure.
James: Because I am.
Floyd: Thanks for the confidence!
James: That's the spirit!
Floyd: What?
James: What?
Floyd: I'm confused.
James: Me too.
Mark: I'm in the car! Oh fuck... It sure is blurry when you sit in it. Worse than on-foot.
Terri: Are you sure you're going to manage?
Mark: Don't doubt me Terri! Don't ever doubt me!
Terri: Sorry!
Mark: Mimi, where are you? Look, let's put this argument of ours from last night behind us and make up, huh?
Maria: Stuff you. I'm with my cats.
Mark: Oh.
Kendra: The Desert Cats will rise again! Except we're now The Apocalypse Cats. I know it doesn't sound as fetching, but it's more appropriate to the situation at hand.
Mark: Kendra, sweetie, surely we can have some sort of alliance here? It's always been known me and The Cats are well infatuated with each other.
Kendra: Sorry Mark, as much as I'd love to, it's still Maria's orders.
Maria: And I say I'll die before I'll let The Apocalypse Cats go with you and Terri.
Terri: I'd be hurt if I felt this was personal against me.
Mark: Mimi... I AM hurt. Hurt that you would prefer death than to be with me. I'm appalled. Grief-stricken. Gob-smacked. Heartbroken.
Maria: Yeah, shut up already.
Mark: Well if that's how it's gonna' be, then I'll just...
(Engine starts)
Mark: Goodbye Maria... Even though in the real world, you seem to be snuggled up into me more than earlier, but for the sake of RP, I shall expect we never meet again. How do you feel knowing that?
Maria: Positively elated.
Mark: Cruel words, my love, cruel words.
Terri: I expect we'll never meet again either. I also expect I'll never be leaving this car alive again.
Mark: I told you not to doubt me!
Terri: I'm not doubting, I'm sure of it.
Mark: I'll show you!
(Car speeds off)
Mark: Woah! Terri, you should check out my screen right now, the motion blur is nearly enough to make me throw up.
Terri: Watch it!
(Crash, followed by someone crying out)
Mark: Who was that? Who did I just hit?
Terri: An NPC I think. Poor guy.
Mark: That's okay then, we're fine. How's the car? It isn't dented is it? I can't see clearly enough yet.
Terri: I think we're okay.
Mark: Hold on... Kay-Kay? Where are you?
Karen: You ask a hard question Mark, you really do. I cannot say for certain.
Mark: Why not?
Karen: I can't reveal myself, I'm sorry.
Mark: So you don't want to come with me?
Karen: I'd have accepted the offer sooner, but sadly I'm now left with no option but to stick to my prior plan, with the hopes of seeing success through minimal effort.
Mark: … Why? What's the plan?
Karen: I cannot reveal so early. You'll understand.
Mark: Alright...
Karen: Besides, I'm already in motion. Kennedy, who's driving the Blizzard?
Kennedy: We haven't decided yet, why?
Karen: Wait... You mean you aren't driving it right now?
Kennedy: No, we're just on our way to it. You said it was near the diner?
Karen: Um, you're too late then. Someone else has it. Who's got the Blizzard?
(Silence)
Suki: That must mean NPCs.
Karen: … Okay, this could be a problem.
Bruno: What's wrong?
Karen: Okay, I may have been stowing away in the boot of it.
Bruno: Why? You could've just come with us.
Karen: My character is a child, okay? And this is my first time playing it like, just like Kennedy. Except I'm not used to it yet. My idea was to stow away in the boot and live off whatever supplies you put in the boot, then when we were nearly in Huldergard, I'd make a run for it. Now things just got complicated. The times call for some serious tactics. And Sabrina, I need your help.
Sabbie: Say no more! Whatcha' need?
Karen: How would you handle this situation?
Sabbie: Well agility and athletics are my traits. And stealth. I'd climb through into the back seat and do combat with the people that have kidnapped you. Take over the car and their gear and leave them behind.
Karen: Um, yes, well, my traits are in perception and intelligence. I don't really do combat. Not to mention, remember I am playing a child too, so combat would be even worse.
James: The people aren't necessarily hostile either.
Sabbie: Shut up Jammy! Of course they're hostile, they're raiders!
James: They might be friendly NPC survivors who've just taken the car expecting it to be vacant. Maybe they could help you get to Huldergard.
Karen: You do make a good point James. I don't know, maybe I can listen in to their chatter and work out which faction they belong to?
Sabbie: Go ahead, keep us updated.

Paddy: Hey Jamie, where've you gone? I can't see you on the road.
Jamie: Are you kidding? As soon as the invisible wall was lifted, I bolted. By the way Mark...
Mark: Yeah?
Jamie: Thanks for throwing the can of soup at me as you drove past.
Mark: Oh... That was you?
Jamie: Yeah.
Mark: … That was a can of soup?
Jamie: Yep. And it was delicious too. But I will hunt you down for doing that. And I will find you. And I will kill you.
Mark: I thought it was another NPC so I thought it'd be funny to throw something at them from the car. I thought I threw one of my empty bottles of alcohol though.
Terri: That'll explain it. You passed me an empty bottle and told me to eat it before.
Mark: … All makes sense now! At least I seem to have sobered now, so I can see.
Terri: I am truly grateful.
Paddy: Is everyone else out of town now then? Just me, Julie and James left?
Floyd: And me. Still.
Paddy: Oh yeah. Him too.
Floyd: Is anyone having any luck with helping me? Anyone?
Julie: I think it's just me looking for things Floyd. Don't worry, I'm doing the best that I can.
Paddy: Ooh well hello, I've found quite the promising collection of cars here. Now, decisions decisions...
James: Could the both of you come back soon please? I'm like really paranoid that something's gonna' come for me if I stand here too long.
Floyd: What about me?
James: You aren't standing around, at least you're comfortably lying on the ground.
Floyd: … I wouldn't call this comfortable!
James: Some people are never satisfied...
Julie: I can't find a thing, I'm so sorry Floyd.
Floyd: You can't leave me here!
Julie: Paddy, bring the biggest car you can find. I have an idea.
Paddy: (Sigh) Okay, fine. I guess I just wasn't meant to be allowed to have this lovely Almira P-Line then...
Floyd: Why? What? What are you planning, Julie?
Julie: Don't you worry Floyd, you'll be fine.
Floyd: Okay...
Paddy: I'm coming 'round.
Julie: That's the biggest car there was? I was kind of hoping for an SUV or station wagon or something.
Paddy: Hey, I said there was a promising collection of cars. I didn't say anything about them being large. C'mon, it's an Escudo 354, it's brilliant.
Julie: Well it doesn't have a tailgate... This makes my idea much less ideal.
Floyd: Can you tell me what we're doing?
Julie: James, Paddy... Pick him up.
Floyd: Hey, easy now, easy. Don't drop me, okay? That costs one or two hit points if you do. Where are we going?
(Clunk)
Floyd: No... No! I'm not doing a Carrie!
Paddy: Get in the sodding boot.
Floyd: NO!
(Clunk)
Floyd: … You best not leave me in here!
Julie: Shall we go?
Paddy: I'm driving!
James: Shotgun!
Julie: James!
James: Sorry!
Paddy: Do we have weapons?
James: No.
Paddy: Perfect.
Jessie: Our comrade is safe then?
Paddy: Yes, sort of.
Jessie: Oh, many bountiful celebrations! Please, let us rendezvous to trade him.
Paddy: Trade? You going to give us something as a token of thanks?
Jessie: Uh, sure! If we can find something to spare, that is.
Paddy: You better, otherwise no deal.
Nicky: I wouldn't go toe-to-toe with Captain Tam-Tam if I were you.
Paddy: Silence, Nicky.
Nicky: Sorry.
Jessie: Don't apologise to him! Look, let's meet up at... Um, Nicky check the map. Where are we headed?
Nicky: Huldergard!
Jessie: Focus, Corporal! Where is the next place we'll be arriving at?
Nicky: Oh! Uh... There's a little farm to the east of Burberry Hills?
Julie: That's all the way out in Hutchington... You sure took a countryside route, huh?
Jessie: I like the trees. Don't judge.
Julie: Okay then, I guess we'll see you there. Paddy, set course.
Paddy: Aye aye.

Sally: Miriam, time please.
Miri: It is uh... Hold on, let me just sit here a sec and I'll see.
Jamie: You're on-foot as well?
Miri: Is there a problem?
Jamie: Other than the fact you can't defend yourself, nah.
Miri: Screw you! I'll do a fine job thanks.
Jamie: Hold up.
Miri: What?
Jamie: Got a can of drink or anything?
Miri: Yeah, why?
Jamie: Drink it.
Miri: Um, okay...
(Silence as the can opens)
Jamie: Is that nice?
Miri: Yeah it is. Jealous? Want some?
(Gunshot)
Jamie: No, I'm good thanks.
Miri: What the hell!?
Jamie: Shame you won't get to taste that ever again.
Mark: Was that a euphemism?
Helen: Was that a murder?
Jamie: Nope.
Miri: The bastard shot the can out of my hand. Where are ya', ya' toe-rag?
Alex: Hold up, you've got a rifle Jamie? Eep, that's so sweet!
Miri: You'll pay for that.
Jamie: You don't even know where I am.
Miri: But I will hunt you. And I will find you. And I will kill you.
Jamie: Before or after I hunt and find and kill Mark?
Mark: Before. Just before.
Jamie: And you're sure of that?
Terri: If Mark gets drunk again, you won't be able to anticipate his moves, trust me.
Mark: I always thought that unanticipatingness of me is what you found irresistible in me. And yes, that was a made-up word.
Terri: It is. One of the things. But when we were dating, either occasion, I don't recall fearing for my life when you were driving.
Mark: And my dad kept being convinced I drove like a twat.
Jamie: You do. And now's not the time for reminiscing, right? I'm off again.
Miri: Not so fast!
Jamie: If you can see me Miri, go ahead and try to take me. But can you see me? Can you?
Miri: … N-Nooo...
Jamie: Didn't think so. Until next time.
Miri: Jerk.
Suki: So are we getting the time or not?
Miri: Oh yeah! Sorry, sidetracking. Erm, it is... 12:34.
Howie: In the afternoon?
Miri: Well duh.
Howie: So-rry!
Sally: Anyone still in Brentstone? Or in a range of about ten miles of Brentstone?
Paddy: Us still. We're just setting off now.
Sally: Well I should warn you that Brentstone gets nuked at 3pm, standard game script, so I suggest you high-tail it.
Arnold: Who the hell ever heard of a nuke where you're totally safe ten miles from it?
Suki: Do not question the powers that be.
Arnold: Fine.
Paddy: We've got like two and a half hours still to get out of here, we're fine.
Suki: Never underestimate the powers that be either.
Sally: Exactly!
Paddy: Pff, whatever. I'll just-
Julie: Paddy?
Paddy: Yup?
Julie: Why is there a notification coming up saying the car is inoperable?
James: Because it is?
Paddy: Damn. Now how did that happen?
Sally: We warned you. Not to underestimate the powers that be.
Suki: But you didn't listen.
Sally: And now you'll pay.
Suki: It pays to listen.
Sally: Especially to us.
Suki: Totes.
Sally: Reconsider our advice next time.
Paddy: Whatever. Piss off ghostly emos.
Sally: He just called us emos again didn't he?
Suki: Yup.
Sally: Well, Paddy...
Sally and Suki: Screw you.
Sally: And that is all.
Suki: Let's leave. Even if we're nowhere near them right now.
Sally: At once.
Neil: Are you two travelling together or something?
Suki: Of course. We're the beta-testers, we know this game better than anyone, even the devs themselves. We travel together, then we've got the best chance of survival out of everyone here.
Mark: You'll still die.
Sally: Stay out of this Mark.
Suki: You wouldn't want us to die anyway.
Mark: That's true Sukes, I don't.
Neil: Confidence leads to complacency, complacency leads to weakness.
Alex: You just quoted that from that really dated racing game that Helen likes playing. The ONE racing game she likes.
Helen: Respect for that though. Truly.
Neil: Whatever. It's a true saying, just you watch.
Suki: Oh we will Neil, we will. We'll be waiting for you guys in Huldergard. If you make it, that is. Until then, adios.
Neil: I hate the apocalypse. It turns you all into pricks.
Arnold: Eat shit Neil!
Neil: Not again!
Mark: When did you last eat shit?
Neil: No, he almost tried to run me over like what Nicky did earlier.
Arnold: Some fucker has to nail him eventually.
Jenny: Nail Neil. Such a good name for a murderous revenge film.
Jamie: Or a porno.
Neil: Shut up Jamie.
Jamie: Come closer and say that to my rifle.
Neil: If you were a real man, you'd face me with your fists, rather than from a distance.
Jamie: Oh, you want a challenge? I'll challenge you. Let's say we both make it to Huldergard.
Neil: That's optimistic.
Jamie: Say we do. I'll meet you at the Welcome To sign, and we'll fist fight to the death. Winner takes sanctuary.
Neil: You got yourself a dealio.
Miri: Don't say dealio.
Mark: That's my word.
Miri: Yeah, exactly.
Neil: Whatever.
Miri: Meanwhile... 1:11. What's the sit-rep, Paddy?

Chapter III: The Powers That Be

Paddy: … Good?
Miri: Moving yet?
Paddy: Erm. Yeah, we're moving. Very frantically, in fact.
Miri: Is that because you are all still stuck in Brentstone, having not moved at all from where your car magically broke down?
Paddy: Maybe.
James: Leave us alone Miri! We can deal with this, back off!
Miri: Woah, alright then. Sheesh.
Julie: What are we going to do then? We have to switch car, but get as much gear as we can, quick.
Paddy: I wanna' know why the fucking car stopped in the first place!
Sally: Engine failure. Or something along the lines of. The car reliability system in the game can't be too realistic, otherwise in most cases, cars breaking down to add difficulty would be a very rare encounter, probably. So it has to be somewhat exaggerated.
Suki: Yeah, duh Paddy. Do you never play games ever?
Paddy: Grrr.
Julie: Less lip, more trip. Okay?
Paddy: Fine, let's get moving. Again.
Floyd: You won't leave me behind, will you?
Paddy: Uh...
Floyd: Please?
James: Geez! We have to carry this guy to another car too!? We're all gonna' die here!
Jessie: We had a deal! Don't leave my little trooper behind, that's an order!
Paddy: We don't take orders from you. But if anyone is leaving their troopers behind, it's you two.
Nicky: Don't talk to us like that!
Jessie: Yeah!
Paddy: Silence, you.
Nicky: Sorry...
Paddy: I'm not talking to you. I just ignore every word you babble, I'm instructing the great and caring captain here to be silent.
Jessie: Woah.
Nicky: WOAH!
Mark: Woah now, you don't go sayin' stuff like that to my icle Tam-Tam, okay? I'll have half a mind to drive all the way back to Brentstone 'n' off you myself if you continue.
Paddy: Try it Mark. Try it. Everyone else is duelling at some point in our journey, so why don't we square off, huh?
Mark: Because I can't be bothered to waste my time so pointlessly. Also, you'd be dead before we even get a chance to cross paths.
Paddy: I'm sure Terri will agree that you'll be the one who dies before we meet.
Mark: Terri, take my side.
Terri: Actually, he's alright now.
Mark: My character's sober, and all alcohol is out of reach.
Terri: I stored it in the boot so he can't get it through the quick inventory menu.
Mark: My girl keeps me on the straight 'n' narrow.
Maria: Pff.
Mark: You can't say anything Mimi. I offered you my love, I offered you my heart, and you rejected it.
Maria: It isn't rejecting when you gave it to someone else.
Mark: Ever heard of sharing?
Maria: Ever heard of no-fucking-way?
Mark: Hmph! You heartbreaker you.
Paddy: This is the apocalypse, not a dysfunctional family group. And now we have to get this burden quickly to another car.
Mark: Well stop talking and do it already.
Paddy: I am! My character wasn't built for carrying.
James: Mine neither.
Julie: I have the most athletics but I'm only a small build so how am I meant to be any use here?
Floyd: Well to get such a high score in immunity, I had to take some negative traits. I chose increased body mass.
James: You bloody WHAT!?
Paddy: Immunity did such a good job, didn't it?
Floyd: It's for illnesses and disease! Just watch, I'll probably be immune when I get bitten because my immunity rank is that kick-ass.
Paddy and James: SHUT UP!
Floyd: …
Jenny: You boys play nice over there.
Paddy: Jen? What are you still doing in Brentstone? I thought you left long ago with everyone else.
Jenny: I thought 'bout it, but decided I'd rather explore 'ere a bit first. Got some nice gear too. Well, see ya'.
Paddy: Hold on, don't you wanna' help?
Jenny: (Scoffs) Uh, nah.
Paddy: Well stuff you then.
Jenny: I'll stuff this sickle right up your-
James: Guys! C'mon, no fighting. Please? Friends?
Jenny: Shove ya' friendship, Jammy. Shove it to all o'ya'. Oh, 'cept you Jules. You don't go lettin' these guys tear ya' down, 'hear?
Julie: Sure, okay then.
James: Jules!
Julie: Shh.
Jenny: Cool. Later.
Bruno: Remind me guys, who's with who? Paddy, James and Julie...
Paddy: And Floyd too, for now.
James: Yeah. That. For now.
Bruno: Right. Nicky and Jessie...
Jessie: 10-4, brother!
Bruno: Brother?
Jessie: Sure!
Bruno: Okay. Um, The... Apocalypse Cats?
Maria: Yep, me, Lindsay, Kendra 'n' Gwen.
Bruno: Okay. And Mark's with Theresa.
Mark: And not to mention my good friend George.
Bruno: George?
Terri: I think he's referring to the whiskey.
Mark: Though I hate whiskey in real life. But there was no cider or vodka left.
Terri: Because you drank it all.
Mark: (Gasps in shock) I DID NO SUCH THING! Yeah okay I did.
Bruno: Right, so just you two?
Mark: Just us two.
Maria: Bleh.
Mark: Shush you.
Bruno: And I'm with Al and Ken. Anyone else with anyone or is that it?
Helen: I'm with Howie.
Neil: How come he gets to be with you?
Helen: Because he's my most trusted person in this... Group.
Mark: Woah. What about me?
Arnold: And ME? Your best friend? The one guy you knew before Moonstone began?
Helen: Mark, you're already showing us that Terri is hanging on for dear life. And Arnold... We've been through this already.
Mark and Arnold: Fine...
Bruno: And everyone else is on their own, right?
Sabbie: And the hackers too.
Bruno: Oh yes. The devs themselves.
Sally: We aren't devs.
Suki: We're just very knowledgeable testers who know more than the devs.
Paddy: And that's possible is it?
Sally: Sure!
Sabbie: Everyone else is alone. Or at least that's what they think.
Bruno: And what does THAT mean, Sabrina?
Sabbie: Just my ninja skills coming to good use, that's all.
Kennedy: I'm a bit concerned.
Sabbie: Don't be.
Kennedy: Okay.
Sabbie: Good.
Kennedy: … I still am though.

Miri: Forgive me if I'm the only one who's not forgotten, but little Karen isn't alone either, but for what is possibly the wrong reason.
Mark: I haven't forgotten. In fact, I'm keeping my eyes peeled for a beige Smoogo Dalis right now.
Karen: But I'm in the Dover Blizzard.
Mark: Oh shit. A grey one?
Karen: Yeah. That was you who raced past just before wasn't it?
Mark: It might have been, yes.
Karen: Oh well.
Mark: I'd come back for you Kay-Kay, honest, but we took so many turnings from that road that it's probably impossible to track it back now.
Karen: Don't worry about it. I wouldn't want you hurt in the process.
Mark: I wouldn't get hurt! I'm a fuckin' veteran in these parts!
Arnold: Don't swear in front of children.
Karen: Oh do silence, Arnold. I'm not a little child, alright? I am perfectly mature enough to be around such language. And sorry Mark, I wasn't implying you were lacking the skill to rescue me. Moreover, that my captors are an unknown strategy and in unknown numbers.
Sabbie: Status update, operative Karen.
Karen: Well I've heard three different voices, and they didn't sound friendly. Hostile dialogue idles I think. So um... This doesn't look good for me. I'll need help if I'm getting out of here. I can just jump out the boot whenever but they could be on me in a heartbeat. I can jump out at Huldergard and make it to someone who can protect me, but I've got no idea when I'll reach there. If I even reach there at all. What if they don't make it?
Suki: You could try making a run for it if they leave their car for scavenging or something.
Karen: Well all I can do right now is wait. It isn't like I can do anything else in the meantime.
Neil: Where are y-... Oh, that's a stupid question.
Karen: Yeah. Well it's safe enough to suggest I'm beyond saving now. I have but myself to get out of here now, and even then I'm not too sure. I'll probably be quiet for a long time then. Unless any of you find a grey Dover Blizzard with at least three men in it, then by all means feel free to save me please.
Mark: Kaz, assign Kay-Kay to the Moonstone Watch-Owl list.
Sally: The what?
Mark: Don't pretend you don't know what that is. Our inter-Moonstone helpline for any and all issues. The issue at hand being that Kay-Kay has been kidnapped. She's been KAYnapped.
Sally: Oh, right.
Kennedy: Erm... Is it a bad time to apologise for not getting the Blizzard in time?
Karen: No, it's fine. I'll find a way.
Alex: Besides, you'd only have gotten yasel' killed, tryin' to run with a group of raiders or whatever. You couldn't tackle them Ken, you'd be snapped like a twig.
Gwen: Sounds realistic enough to me really.
Kennedy: You always think I'm so weak, just because it's my first time playing.
Gwen: No, it's because you're just actually weak.
Alex: And hey, don't you break RP again you son-of-a-bitch. I'm gonna' break RP here for one sec but no more, just to tell you that this is being treat as if it's the real deal mother apocalypse, you got me?
Kennedy: Alright then... So are we in RP again now?
Alex: (Clicks his fingers) And we're back.
Bruno: Brilliant.
Jamie: Y'know, for the real apocalypse, I'd never expect all of us to still be alive right now.
Miri: We're better than you think.
Jamie: I could've killed you if I wanted, Miri. Remember that. You're only alive right now because I let you be.
Miri: We'll see.
Jamie: Last I checked, you were content sitting on a rock drinking fizzy pop. Even if you don't get killed, are you even realistically gonna' make it to Huldergard?
Miri: Actually, yes. I'm trying to avoid conflict altogether. My plan is to take the smallest and emptiest places and hopefully not see another living or undead soul until I'm finished. Not gonna' be a lot of supplies, I know, but the idea is I'm not going to need a great deal of stuff anyway.
Jamie: It may sound simple, but it takes just one thing to go unexpectedly and then you're screwed.
Harry: What if you get attacked?
Miri: Then I fight back.
Harry: With what? Do you even have a weapon?
Miri: Well no, I'll just run them over.
Harry: And if the car is out of reach?
Miri: Improvise. Use the environment. Pick up whatever I find. There'll be a fire poker somewhere around, or knife, or just a plank of wood in one of these out-in-the-country lonesome houses eventually. As I said, why waste time going to scavenge when you can just collect as you go?
Howie: Two words. Infested building.
Miri: What?
Howie: What if you scavenge somewhere that's infested with zombies, or the bloodlust zombies, or whatever else?
Miri: Look there's no “perfect” plan in the apocalypse, okay? Everyone has some disadvantage, and this is mine.
Jamie: One of many.
Miri: Will everyone stop picking apart my plan please? It isn't like the rest of you have anything perfect going on. May I point out the group who are racing against time to not get bombed?
Neil: She's got a point. How's James & Co. doing?
James: We've been better.
Sabbie: You guys may want to hurry. The lot of ya'. It has to be nearly time soon.
Paddy: Hey, don't forget Jenny too, everyone. She was here but a moment a-
Jenny: I'm gone. I'm outta' there. Saw you guys then I jus' wen' straight outta' town fast as I could.
Paddy: Thanks for your help.
Jenny: Told ya's I weren't gonna' be helpin' ya's. Woulda' helped Jules if she were on 'er own, but she ain't. She got you bunch o'tools to mollycoddle instead, so she gotta' be without me this time. She understands anyways.
Paddy: Whatever. Here's a car guys, don't care what it is, just shove Floyd in the trunk and let that be that.
Floyd: A Musashi? I don't think so.
Julie: What's wrong with it?
James: I don't care what he thinks is wrong with it, we haven't got time, just put him in and shut him up!
Julie: James!
Paddy: He's right, c'mon!
Floyd: No! NO! I REFUSE TO GO IN THERE!
(Click, thump, and clunk)
Floyd: I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Paddy: Good! Maybe we won't let you get back out ever again then. Maybe we'll abandon the car before we make it to Huldergard and let you rot you whiny little twat!
Julie: What is the time, anyway?
Suki: Miri.
Miri: It is... 2:34.
James: WHAT!?
Suki: Guys, you have less than half an hour in-game time left. That's like... Less time in real world.
James: … Oh yeah, I can see the missiles in the sky. How pretty.
Sally: Yeah, they added the effect in for realism. It's quite effective.
Paddy: What are you doing James!? GET IN THE FUCKING CAR!
James: AH! Okay, okay!
Paddy: You too Jules, NOW!
Julie: I'm going already!
Paddy: I have to floor it outta' here!
(Car speeds away)
Suki: If you can get far enough away from the initial blast though, you may be able to outrun the radius as it spreads out. You MAY be able to.
Paddy: I have to at least try!
Jessie: You better! Me and my corporal are almost at our rendezvous point already, and we'll be waiting a long time as it is for our fellow soldier. We will NOT allow you to lose him!
Helen: This got very intense.
Mark: Kaz, do you agree we should have some sort of music playing while we sit in silence and anticipate the outcome of this-our first major event?
Sally: Sure, what do you fancy?
Jessie: … (Gasps) Oh I know I know!
Mark: You go ahead and play something then Jess, you have control.
Jessie: Yay! Okay, let's see here... Oh, I know!



(Silence)
Paddy: … You guys know I'm still driving, right? It hasn't hit yet.
Jessie: Sorry! I guess the song was quite short.
Mark: … Was that... from Adolescent Cyborg Titan Cats?
Jessie: Ni-ni-ni-ni-ni-ni...
Mark and Jessie: Kowa BUNGA!
Jessie: Yeah!
Mark: Wow...
Paddy: Come on, come on, aaaaaagh!
(Silence)
Harry: … Is it over?
James: Am I dead?
(Boom!)
Paddy: Uh-oh.
Jamie: I've actually had to stop what I'm doing, I'm that fascinated by the thought we may have our first death on our hands now.
Julie: Are we going to make it?
Paddy: It's approaching really fucking fast!
James: AGH!
(Lots of carnage and noise)
Jamie: … So are they all dead?
James: I'm alive! Get out, get out!
Paddy: I think we hit lucky.
James: Get out! The car's aflame!
Floyd: It's what!? Don't leave me in here! Don't-
(Click)
Floyd: Hello!
James: Do we have to?
Floyd: YES! HURRY!
James: Fine. Paddy, here!
Paddy: I'm coming...
Floyd: Quick, get us away from the car, it's gonna' blow!
Arnold: What the hell's actually happened?
Paddy: The blast threw the car over, but we survived the impact.
Bruno: It's not entirely realistic, is it?
Sally: Look, it's a video game. Sometimes we have to survive things that would otherwise vaporise us!
Julie: Guys, I was quiet until now but I need your help like super urgently.
James: Jules?
Julie: I think my character's got concussion! It's blurry and fuzzy and all I'm hearing is a harsh ringing and can't seem to move.
James: I'm coming! I'm-
(Boom!)
James: … Jules?
Julie: … Well that ended well.
James: Jules! Please tell me you're alright!
Julie: Afraid not.
Suki: Did the car explode?
Julie: Yeah. And I didn't get out.
James: NOOO!
Gwen: Look at it this way, this is really Paddy's fault.
Paddy: WHAT!?
Kendra: To be fair, it was you who chose the car, the car that broke down, the break down that held you in Brentstone, long enough to be caught in the blast.
Paddy: Wouldn't have been so unfortunate if it weren't for the fatty here.
Floyd: Hey! It isn't my fault!
James: Of course it is! We had a plan, and because of you, we had to change it!
Floyd: I wouldn't have been such a burden if it weren't for my legs to be broken, and we know whose fault that is!
James: So it's the grenade's fault?
Floyd: No, it's JAMIE! HE threw it!
Jamie: You wanted my help. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't asked.
Floyd: I would have died if I didn't ask you though!
Jamie: And Julie would still be alive. Plus, if your character was athletic enough, you could've made the jump like Jess and Nick did, and you would have had no issues.
Paddy: All because of your bloody immunity trait!
Floyd: So... You're saying that...
Paddy, Jamie and James: It's all YOUR fault!
Floyd: But... But... But Paddy said he had plenty of time even with the breakdown!
Suki: I told you guys not to underestimate the powers that be, didn't I?
(Silence)
Suki: Listen to the hackers, guys. Listen.
Sabbie: You just admitted to hax then.
Suki: According to you guys, that's what we are.
Sally: We just know what we're doing.
Mark: Cockiness is not a good look for you Kazi. Don't be that, not when I still love you.
Sally: What would you rather me be?
Mark: Sweet and-
Paddy: Be quiet.
Mark: Yeah, that too.
Sally: Thanks guys...
Mark: Actually, if we're being honest, cocky is such a hot look for you Kaz...
Sally: Erm...
Mark: Just pretend I didn't say anything just now.
Sally: … S-sure, okay.
Floyd: To Burberry Hills?
Paddy: …
James: … I so wanna' hit this guy real bad.
Paddy: … To Burberry Hills.
Nicky: Yaaaaaaaay! See you guys soon then!
Paddy: Whatever.