Afternoon 005 - Apocalypse Special Round 2 (Part 2)

Chapter VIII: The Final Leg



Neil: I know we don't have to worry about Karen turning, since she took a bullet to the head, but...
Lizzie: You want her body out of the car.
Neil: Please.
Lizzie: Terri.
Terri: Hm?... Why me?
Lizzie: You're sat in the back with her, so only you have the interaction available to... You know.
Terri: I'm sorry Karen...
Karen: As a ghost, it's fine. I-... (Away from microphone) Daddy! But I'm working!... Well, I died... Yeah... Yeah, we were playing a game... It is work, it's with my work friends... Okay, okay... (Back to microphone) I have to go anyway guys, we're going to visit family... Bye! See you!
(Disconnection bleep)
Gwen: Such a sweet girl. If you don't get to him first Neil, I want Jamie's head.
Mark: (Scoffs) Was that a euphemi-
Gwen: Now is not the time for you to exist!
Mark: … Meow...
Neil: If I don't get him first. Sure, why not.
Gwen: Good. Thanks.
Jamie: Vengeance is so boring.
Gwen: I just want a goal to work towards.
Bruno: Huldergard isn't goal enough for you?
Gwen: Nah. That's boring. I'm here to have fun.
Paddy: Technically, you're here to work.
Gwen: Did I stutter, boy?
Lindsay: You tell that sap. Though, we're not making much progress on-foot right now.
Maria: We'll find a car soon enough. We still got this.
Jenny: Know wha' I wanna' know?
Howie: (Groans) What?
Helen: Quit complaining! We're a group now, the three of us. Deal with it.
Howie: Fine... So what do you want to know, Jen?
Jenny: Wha' are tha' cheatin' girls up ta'?
Sally: The... Cheating girls?
Suki: That's us, Sal.
Sally: I am aware!
Arnie: Self-confessed cheatin'. Finally.
Sally: No. I'm just aware of who she was insinuating. But if you must know, we're-
Suki: -We're out on route... eighty-two, is it?
Sally: I think so. Sixty-seven is usually a quicker route from the last main intersection but I wanted to try this road as I haven't done so for a few patches now.
James: How do you know roads so well?
Sally: I just know the map.
Neil: Does that really surprise you, James?
Sally: I-I-I have played this game hundreds of times over, remember? Anybody would know it well enough if it was beaten into their brains like me and Suki.
Suki: I don't know it all too well really. I keep mixing the roads up because of pre-patch differences.
Sally: You're not helping me right now.
Mark: Face it Kazi, you're just a dork. But I love that about you.
Sally: I refuse to communicate with you.
Mark: Why?
Sally: Because you're probably the least popular person still alive right now... Besides Jamie, that is.
Mark: Hey, second most hated in Kings, second most hated here. Most consistent. You love me really.
Sally: I really don't.
Mark: You do.
Sally: I don't.
Mark: You d-
Maria: Mark, fuckssake, nobody loves you.
Mark: … (Exasperated sigh)... That crushing blow.
Paddy: Was that a euphe-
Mark: Fuck off!
Jessie: Are you going to untie us please, Squadron Leader M?
Nicky: Please sir! Pleeeeeeaaaaaase!
Mark: Shut up, both of you. Or I'll gag you. And that mutes your in-game chat.
Jamie: First tied up, then gagged... Mark, you're playing on the boundaries of what's just not right.
Mark: As the most hated survivor and a known child killer, you shouldn't be siding with them.
Jamie: I'm not siding with anybody.
Mark: Maybe you and I should team up then. The new antagonists. Imagine, we could-
Jamie: I said no!
Mark: Fine, whatever!
Nicky: Nyehaha...
Mark: Right, you! Here, I'm stopping this car, and gagging you.
Nicky: No wait, please don't! I'm sorry! I said nothin', okay! Just gimme one more chance to-...
Mark: … Better.
Jessie: Squadron Leader, please don't harm the Corporal!
Mark: If you want to keep your own ability to speak, Jess, you best show me those lungs of yours.
Jessie: … What?
Paddy: 'Scuse me?
Mark: Sing Jessie, sing!
Jessie: Uuuuuuuhhhh I dun- nnnnnnggggghhh... Hrrrrmmmnnnngggguuuu- Out on the track, there's no tuuuuuurning back. No turning baaaaa-aaack. Gotta' get back, the pack, everything's on the tack. Nothing's too plain, but it's all the same. I'm on my way, to the In-sane Tra-aaaaaaaa
Mark: Not that one!
Jessie: Oooooh I dun- nnnnngggh (lightly weeps) I don't knoooo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ow any other sooooongs... !
Mark: Lies! You've sung me many a beautiful number in the past. Think of all our happy memories together. Happy! Think!
Jessie: (Weeps harder) Happ-ee-hee-hee-hee-hee... mu-mu-mu memor-ree-ree-hee-hee-ies...!
Gwen: Fuckin' yikes this cuts deep, doesn't it?
Kennedy: That's them up ahead!... I'm stopping this.
Paddy: No, don't wreck the car!
Bruno: Ken, this is stupid, don't do it! This ain't our fight!
Mark: Oh, uh-oh.
(Crash)
Mark: Oh great, this car pretty much crumpled up like paper.
Kennedy: Guys, get him!
James: Do we have to? I-
Bruno: (Frustrated sigh) Let me handle it...
Mark: You don't want to do this Bruno. Don't get mixed up in my shit just because Ken felt it prudent to save the twerps in my car.
Bruno: Just let 'em go.
Mark: No! Nicky, you can have. Take him away. But I'm not letting Jess go until I resolve my problems with her. Between Maz, Terri, Kazi and Jess, nobody wants me. Maz wants to kill me, Terri's ignoring me, Kazi's attempted to kill me and is now ignoring me, and Jess... She's betrayed me too but I'm in a position to make her repent for her sins.
Bruno: You're wasting time now. Just hand them over to me, we don't need to make this violent.
Mark: You're right. We don't... So unless you want to see the broad side of this here blade, I would suggest you go back to your little friends there and-... Fucking hell...
Bruno: That was easy.
Maria: Did you just kill him?
Bruno: No, but it was a one hit knockout.
Maria: A pity.
Kennedy: I'm going to free those two.
Paddy: Wow. A real hero...
Sally: Mark's in-game is muted while he's unconscious, but he did just say to Paddy there to 'not start with that one'. I don't understand.
James: C'mon Ken, let's go already!
Bruno: I'm putting Mark in our trunk.
Paddy: … Alright. I'm okay with this, actually.
Jessie: Thank you for saving us, Kennedy!
Nicky: Yaaaaaaaay! Ken is the bestest hero of all time!
Arnie: I dunno how I feel about going that far...
Bruno: Same.
Kennedy: Thanks a lot you guys. Anyway, Jessie and Nicky, you guys get on out of here. We're at capacity in our car but if that wreck of yours there still works enough, use it to get away.
Jessie: 10-4 Colonel Lee!
Nicky: Roger, affirmative, over and out!

Sally: Suki, do you remember this route merging with ninety-eight?
Suki: I thought we already established I don't remember anything from the last two or three patches.
Sally: I could've sworn we-... Wait, what's that over there?
(Bloop)
Sally: Ooooooooohhhhh of course...
Suki: Ahem, yeah, we uh-... Hmm, I see.
Sabbie: What do you see?
Sally: No, no, we're fine. I think I remember now. We're heading this way.
Sabbie: What way?
Sally: The right way.
Sabbie: Which is?
Suki: To where we're going.
Sabbie: Whiiiiiich is?
Suki: To where everyone's going.
Sabbie: … Whiiiiiiiiiiiiich iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis~?
Miri: Sabbie, concentrate on us instead!
Sabbie: What? Oh! Oof!
Arnie: Sorry...
Sabbie: Grr... Dammit...
Jenny: A rundown o' wha' jus' happened wo' be awf'ly kind a'ya'.
Miri: Well...
Sabbie: Be kind, now.
Miri: Sabbie seemed to enjoy car surfing rather than just sitting in the car with me and Arn, while Arn drove. She was sat checking her inventory on top of the car but then stood up as she was done. And in comes a low hanging tree.
Bruno: (Cackles menacingly)... Sabbie, you utter twat!
Sabbie: I said 'be kind'...
Neil: That couldn't have killed her, surely?
Sabbie: No. But my agility stats came at the price of being more susceptible to heavier damage due to physical fails. Including failed dodges and evades. And this counts as that.
Sally: Oooh, nasty. The fall on the road must've-
Sabbie: Yeah... Bust a leg.
Suki: Not good. Do you have medical supplies to fix her?
Arnie: We could fix her?... Shit.
Suki: What's the trouble?
Arnie: I kept driving on.
Howie: Charming.
Miri: In Arn's defense, the hit sounded really bad. Also, we weren't paying complete attention either as it happened. We just assumed she was goofing off. Besides, she already proven she could move faster than our car somehow anyway, so, I half expect her to meet us up ahead by some miracle.
Sabbie: Not in this condition.
Suki: Are you completely out of it?
Sabbie: Pretty much. Without my mobility, I am nothing. I am a husk. A shadow of my former self.
Jamie: Geez Sabbie, make it so damn morbid.
Sabbie: Yeah... I don't wanna' live no more. It's no fun this way. Sometimes, death is better.
Helen: But what are you going to d-
Sabbie: Bleurgh.
Helen: … “Bleurgh”?
Sabbie: … Oh, I have the cyanide ability. I chomped down hard on the pill boi.
Jamie: Peter Walsh...
James: That's brutal.
Sabbie: Meh.
Terri: Wait, so you're dead now too?
Sabbie: Uh, duh! Come on Tigs, keep up with current affairs here.
Terri: So-rry!
Sabbie: Do your ghostly dead cousin one last favour from beyond the grave?
Terri: I-... I mean I'll try. What is it?
Sabbie: … I'm not sure. I didn't think that far ahead, hold on... Ah, yes... If you can benefit yourself at the cost of somebody else's chances, do it.
Terri: What? But that isn't in my nature!
Sabbie: Tigs, I am literally turning in my grave right now. How can you deny me?
Terri: But what if it's somebody I actually like?
Mark: Which is everybody, because you're so loving, right?
Terri: Yeah, r-right.
Paddy: Except Mark.
Terri: Except Ma- Woah, woah, no, not except Mark. But... Ugh! You know, it's so complicated that-... Fine, okay, I accept, Sabbie.
Sabbie: Say “Yes, my sweet, awesome, deader-than-a-fucking-door-nail baby cousin Sab-Sab the fiercest ginger ninja to ever whoop ass on land, air or water, or any medium in-between. I will certainly, of the highest absolute, ensure that I, Lady Theresa Sheryl Cloverfield of a certain caravan in Neath, Denland formerly of Lystow, Denland, will screw over any poor bastard that I get a chance to, in order to reign hellfire and supreme in this world.”
Terri: I can't remember all of that!
Sabbie: I thought you were smart! You've got a good memory! Recite it now, bitch!
Terri: “Bitch”!? I... But can even you remember what you said?
Sabbie: No, but I don't have to! That's your job. Now, just-... Just recite what you remember.
Terri: … Yes, my wonderful-
Sabbie: I didn't say wonderful.
Terri: So you do remember!
Sabbie: No, I just know I didn't say that.
Terri: My... Awesome?
Sabbie: Yes.
Terri: … Dead.
Sabbie: “Deader-than-a-fucking-door-nail”.
Terri: I am not saying that.
Sabbie: I only want you to swear, if nothing else!
Terri: You want me to betray people!
Sabbie: In-game!... I just want to see what an evil Tigger would be like.
Neil: Should me and Liz be worried?
Sabbie: Yes.
Terri: No!
Sabbie: Tigs, keep reciting!
Terri: … Yes my awesome dead cousin, I will do what's necessary to survive... And I live in a caravan in Neath that used to be in Lystow.
Sabbie: … Hm, good enough I suppose. It gets the message across.

Howie: I'm still telling you Helen, this is a bad idea.
Helen: Give. It. A. Rest.
Howie: I wanted to go this alone. Then I thought one good friend wouldn't be a bad idea. Now we're with someone else. What next? More people? Then things get violent over a disagreement and we get killed?
Helen: That won't happen.
Howie: You're jinxing again!
Jenny: Argh, right.
Howie: What are you doing, Jen?
Jenny: I'm switchin' to tha' prox' chat an' leavin' you so I don't gotta' hear this no more from ya'.
Howie: You're leaving the car? But how will you-
Jenny: Sometimes death is betta'!
Howie: … I'm a little more hopeful now.
Helen: This has nothing to do with superstition any more, you're just being selfish. And paranoid.
Howie: It pays to be that way! If you get cocky, mistakes are made. So far we've been doing well enough but I cannot allow us to become careless just because of our record so far. It could change any moment.
Helen: Now who's jinxing things?
Howie: … Uh-oh.
Helen: What “uh-oh”? Oh, that “uh-oh”...
Maria: Helen!
Helen: Maria... Lindsay and Gwenfair...
Gwen: Helen-Leanne.
Lindsay: Hey.
Howie: … We don't want trouble. Don't kill us, we-
Maria: (Sighs)
Helen: Maria, you guys have never been the bad guys. Not really.
Lindsay: Are you not familiar with how The Desert Cats are received in Kings?
Helen: Well, yes. But, if we're talking Kings, me and Maria would sort of be future sisters-in-law.
Neil: Ooh, what a thought.
Maria: You shut up, Neil.
Arnie: I don't like that idea. It makes Helen my would-be sister then and-
Helen: Not the time for that conversation, Arnie.
Maria: But then if Bill and Max were to get together and ditch The Walkers, then... Kim would hate Tim but not want his heart broken, so... That would kinda' make us sworn enemies now, wouldn't it?
Helen: … Um, w-well... You're talking about a storyline that never fully developed!
Paddy: That's right! Don't make her suffer for my character, please. Mark, help us out here.
Mark: …
Paddy: Oh right, you're unconscious so can't be heard. You're just shrugging over to me instead... Okay, um, well-
Mark: (In the background) I cannot be held accountable for things I may or may not have written that never made it to air.
Gwen: Just give us the car.
Helen: But what are we meant to do then?
Gwen: Who knows.
Lindsay: Do we have a problem here?
Howie: No, no problem at all! C'mon Helen, let's just go and leave these girls to it, eh?
Helen: …
Howie: We cannot do anything about this, alright? We're not equipped.
Lindsay: Not that you'd try anything even if you were, right?
Howie: N-n-no, not at all. No sir. Uh, I mean ma'am. Helen, come on.
Helen: … Alright. We're leaving...
Howie: Maybe we can still catch Jen then and walk together.
Helen: You changed your tune fast.
Jenny: Like hell ya's are! I'm runnin' even faster now in that case.

Miri: Signs for Huldergard, we're getting there!
Arnie: Damn straight we are!
Sally: Wow, congratulations. Stay on guard though.
Suki: Yeah, we're getting close too, but likely coming a different way to most if not all of you.
Neil: I think we must be near too.
Lizzie: Looks like it.
Maria: There's still time for us to get you. You and your other special passenger.
Terri: She's talking about me again, isn't she?
Neil: She'd have to catch us first.
Maria: You stay outta' this.
Neil: Don't get me involved, and I won't.
Maria: If you're their driver, it's your decision to bow out or not.
Neil: It's my car, my escape plan!
Lindsay: Your funeral too then, bub.
Neil: “Bub”? You're bringing that term back?
Lindsay: Mhm.
Jenny: … Aw hell, this is some buuuuuullshiiiiiit...
James: What's happening to you now?
Jenny: I gon' come across a big ass horde. I can't get pas' it without a fight. An' I gon' done left my supplies in tha' car when I wanted away from 'Owie. Shit.
Howie: Well hey, me and Helen should catch up to you soon. We can work together and fight our way through. Then we'll travel together and-
Jenny: Fuck. That. Go'bye cruel Alterra. I'm walkin' inta' tha' horde an' lettin' 'em chomp me down.
Lizzie: … So long, Jenny. Tillyspeed. I'll drop an o7 in the game chat window for you.
Jenny: … (Deep inhale) D'AWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Multiple groans and complains from the sheer volume)
Jenny: I's been waitin' mysel' a very damn long time to reclaim that catchphrase o' mine from Al. It were mine in Kings! That an' tha' pebble watchin'! So thank ya' kindly sweet Lizzie... 'Kay, I'm dead now.
Helen: But... Now it's only the two of us! How are me and Howard meant to fight through?
Sally: I'll give you one bit of advice – if you can get there quickly, her body may distract enough of the horde to thin their numbers for you to sneak or run past. But if they finish their meal before you get there...
Suki: Then it'd all be for nothing.
Helen: Okay... Howard, time to pick up the pace big time then.
Howie: Okay.
Maria: Hey fellas.
Howie: Not you girls again. Why didn't you drive ahead of us?
Lindsay: I wanted to drive.
Maria: And I wanted to organise inventory. But if I did it while Lin drove, it gives me motion sickness so I told her to wait. You guys want a ride through the horde?
Howie: Are you serious?
Maria: … Of course not.
Lindsay: (Scoffs)
Maria: Hit it, Lin.
Lindsay: Laters.
Howie: Look at those girls, flexing their car on us... Wait, flexing our own car on us.
Helen: If anything, it was Jenny's car. We barely had it ourselves for a breath before it was taken away again... Anyway, back to plan A – hoof it!
Jamie: I'm going to move up now too, I think I'm close to Huldergard, same as you guys.
Bruno: We've heard less of your adventure than we have of the pro girls.
Sally: That's the nicest label we've been given yet.
(Quiet rustling and nudging)
Sally: What?
(Incomprehensible murmuring)
Sally: … Mark's asking me if him referring to me as attractive before doesn't count but... To be honest, being labelled a pro means more to me regardless of who says it. Sorry.
Paddy: He doesn't seem happy about that.

Miri: Arn, what are you doing now?
Arnie: Sssh!
Miri: Wait, is that Jamie up-
Arnie: I SAID “SSSSSSSH”!
Miri: You actually just said “Sssh!”, but-
Jamie: Wait, you're-... Oh. Hello there.
Arnie: Damn it!
Miri: Why are you trying to run him down?
Arnie: Because he's the biggest threat to everybody right now. If we took him out, the rest of us all have better odds of surviving.
Miri: But if we stayed out of the way then our own survival would be our only pro-
(Gunshot)
Miri: That was close, man! Hey, don't kill me because this doofus wanted a fight.
Jamie: I said you wouldn't survive if we crossed paths again, Miri. Now...
Miri: Don't turn around and try again! Just leave him be!
Arnie: Arnooooooooooold Jeeeeeenkins!
Miri: … Tilly-dammit Arnold...
Jamie: Fine, take this.
Arnie: He's dropped the rifle!
Miri: He's taking out... Twin uzis you moron! Where did you get them?
Jamie: I found all sorts throughout the map. What's it matter?
(Machine gun fire)
Arnie: Shit this is bad.
Miri: You think? Why did you think this was ever going to be a good idea!?
James: I know why. He wanted to take the hero spotlight from Ken.
Kennedy: I-... I'm not a h-hero... Cut it out.
Bruno: Sometimes you make me sick...
Mark: … Hello? Hello?
Paddy: Look who's woken from his beauty slumber.
Mark: … Bruno's right, your modesty reminds me of the ocean... It makes me sick!
Paddy: Ooh, old school meme. Bonus points.
Mark: Thanks. Free me from this captivity now?
Bruno: No.
Paddy: Nah.
Kennedy: It's best that we don't.
Miri: Arn! Give up! I'm getting hit by the-... Great I'm in the bleeding out phase now!
Arnie: Miri!
Jamie: One down...
Miri: I know I can still be healed up from this point if you just-... Forget it, too late. Took more bullets.
Arnie: Damn it! I missed again!
Jamie: Give it up, Jenki. I have a Litmann to meet with at the state line just outside of Huldergard.
Arnie: … Grrr... Next time, mark my words!
Neil: They aren't going to be meeting again.
Miri: So I died for nothing. Amazing.
Arnie: … Um... Whoops, sorry?
Sally: Now that's my line. And I do it better.

Chapter IX: Huldergard Ahoy!



Nicky: Huuuuuuuuuuuuldergaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard!
Jessie: We made it, Corporal!
Nicky: We did! The two of us! Not with The Cats. Not with the evil Squadron Leader. Not even with Sergeant Aiken.
Floyd: I don't know why I'm actually still sat here watching over the game.
Jessie: Your spiritual presence brings us luck. As we've overcome all our enemies so far and-
(Gunshot)
Jessie: No! Oh, that just finished the car off...
Nicky: Waaaaaah! Scary bullets!
Jessie: Corporal! Get a GRIP of yourself! So pathetic...
Nicky: Y-yes Captain! We... We need to bail out of the car and continue. But there's a gun out there.
Jessie: High alert, move it!
Jamie: Not. So. Faaaaaaast... (Small chuckle)
Nicky: You!
Jamie: Me.
Jessie: YOOOOOU!
Jamie: Uh-huh.
Nicky: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!
Jamie: … Yes. Me. We... We established that.
Jessie: What do you intend to do with us?
Nicky: … I have a good idea what he wants to do with us.
Jamie, Neil, Gwen, Lindsay, Mark and Paddy: That's a first!
Mark: Hahaha!
Bruno: So many people had the same idea... I did too, I just didn't say it.
Arnie: Same.
James: Same.
Maria: Same.
Alex: Same!
Kendra: Same.
Harry: Same.
Sabbie: Same.
Miri: Same.
Jenny: Same.
James: Same... Oh wait, I already said...
Paddy: Even most of the ghosts joined in there.
Sabbie: Sometimes death brings us all together as a happy community.
Mark: Sabbie!
Sabbie: What?
Mark: You're such a fucking ray of sunshine today. What's the matter with you?
James: (Coughs) PMS...
Julie: James!
(Smack)
James: Ow, sorry!... (Mutters) She isn't the only one...
Julie: They'll be finding what's left of you in a bin bag soon enough if you keep this up.
Jamie: Well I'm going to make the most of this.
(Gunshot)
Nicky: Nooooooo!
Jessie: Corporal Felling! Speak to me!
Nicky: Tam-Tam... Everything's getting dark... I-I can't feel my body any more... This is the end for me... (cough cough).
Jamie: What? How are you getting up?
Jessie: Corporal... ?
Nicky: … Oh! I totally forgot I had the 'fatal blow' perk that lets me survive instant death once. Yaaaaaaay!
Jessie: Yaaaaaaay- Wait a minute, why do I feel like we're forgetting somethi-
(Gunshot)
Jessie: … Corporal Felling! Speak to me!
Nicky: Tam-Tam... Everything's getting dark... I-I can't feel my body any more...
Paddy: For fuckssake...
Nicky: This is the end for me... (cough 'co-')
(Gunshot)
Nicky: … Bleurgh, thud.
Paddy: Thank you.
Jamie: Pleasure. Now, Jess...
Neil: Forget about her now Jamie, I am here.
Jamie: Shame. Your timing sucks.
Neil: So we both made it here. Be honourable now – fists only. That's what we agreed.
Jamie: … So be it.
(Gun clatters)
Jessie: Neil! You saved me!
Neil: No, I didn't. Just get lost, will you?
Lizzie: Jessie, you can come with me and Terri. Let's hurry!
Jessie: Yaaaaaaay! I love Terri!
Terri: You do?
Jessie: Oh yeah. I always told Mark I much preferred you over-... Oh. Sorry. U-um, well, you know...
Mark: … 'Bout a year and a half we managed to keep that conversation a secret, Jess. Thanks a bunch.
Jessie: Sooooooowwyyyyy~!
Jamie: Who's that coming now too?
Neil: I'm not falling for that one.
Jamie: No, serious, there's a car- no, two cars coming!
Kennedy: Lizzie!
Lizzie: Ken!
Paddy: Oh, great. We've joined the party.
Bruno: Lotta' people here...
Mark: Makes me wish I could see. Locked in the boot gives me just a black screen during all this shit.
Maria: Beep beep, motherfuckers.
Lindsay: Das riiiiiight. We're the other car, bitches.
Gwen: Roar!
Terri: Oh no...
Lizzie: Quick, let's run for it girls!
Jessie: Roger!
Terri: Agreed!
Mark: H-hey, hold on! Get these fuckwits to let me out of the boot and I'll come with!
Paddy: No, you and I had a deal to have a showdown too.
Jessie: We can't stay because Terri will get butchered horribly otherwise and she's too nice to be ripped apart!
Terri: … Thanks?
Mark: So you're leaving me?... You're leaving me? Jessica Eloise MacKinnon and Theresa Sheryl Cloverfield are leaving... ME?
Maria: You sound like there's a problem with this, sweetheart.
Mark: … I really should not say this, but...
Maria: But what?
Mark: … Chrissie would never do this to me!
(Long silence)
Lindsay: Well she ain't around no more. Fucking deal with it.
Gwen: Lin has no filter.
Kennedy: Jamie, I'm taking that gun at your feet.
Jamie: Fine.
James: You shouldn't just let somebody take a gun. You know you're a high priority target.
Jamie: Me and Neil have a code of honour right now. Also, Kennedy is the most honest guy here. Anyone would let him take whatever.
Kennedy: Wow... Thanks! Okay... As The Cats are approaching...
(Gunshot)
Lindsay: Fuck!
Maria: You hit?
Lindsay: Cheap fucking shot Kennedy... And I bled out quick.
Kennedy: I'm not done yet. This is to protect the other girls from you.
Jessie: Kennedy saves the day again! He is truly a legend!
Arnie: I'm still not comfortable with that.
James and Bruno: Agreed.
(Gunshot)
Gwen: Shit, the car's ablaze!
Maria: Alright, we both gotta' bail.
Bruno: Uh, James?
James: What? Oh, wait!
(Crash and crunch)
Paddy: How the hell were you not watching the car rolling through? You prick.
James: I'm now dead too.
Mark: Before I miss any more action, let me out of this boot right now!
Paddy: Okay, okay! But only because you and I have to settle our-
(Gunshot – a distinctively different gun from Jamie's rifle)
Paddy: … Son of a bitch!
Mark: We never agreed to a no-weapons rule, friendo. And none of you checked my inventory when you stuffed me in there.
Paddy: Damn... And you're letting me bleed out slow too... Well GG.
(Two more gunshots)
Kennedy: Aw no, you broke the rifle.
Mark: And now I will take one of these cars, thank you very much.
Maria: No you don't! I'll settle up with you before I go after those girls of yours.
Mark: The only one who potentially still cares is Lizzie, and that's just because I have had almost zero interaction with her here. But even for Lizzie's sake, I won't let you by. So you or Gwen come forward and I'll shoot you.
Maria: … Hmm. Hard to tell if you're bluffing or if you'll do it.
Mark: You're going to kill me if I let you near, so yeah I will.
Arnie: Geronimoooooooo!
Mark: Evasive action!
(Car approaching fast and then crashes loudly)
Gwen: Well done Arnie. Kami-fucking-kaze...
Mark: Who's fucking Kazi?
Sally: … M-Mark, n-no that's not what she-...
Mark: Oh, right, sorry. Got it now.
Bruno: … Can I say 'ow' now?
Arnie: Did I get you?
Bruno: Yeah, but I'm tanky as fuck. I can still move about, but could do with a heal if anyone has-
Mark: Take that for revenge!
Arnie: You just pistol whipped him out cold.
Mark: That I did... Okay then, goodbye!
Maria: You get back here!
Kennedy: Yeah, what she said!
Gwen: Me makes three, roar!

Sally: … We're seriously the last ones to the party?
Suki: Looks that way.
Sally: Let's see... There's Maria, Kennedy and Gwen all dragging Mark out of a car – exciting. Jamie and Neil are kiting around each other in a fist fight... Doesn't look like much damage is being dealt, so they could be there a while. And Arnie is standing about like a spare part around Bruno who's napping on the ground... And who's that in the distance?
Suki: Ah, must be the girl squad making the final run to town. That isn't wise by the way girls – you have a final horde to cross and then have to hold out a siege at the town gates before you get let in.
Terri: Well thanks for telling us that now!
Sally: … Mark, what have you been teaching this girl?
Terri: I've learned it myself by being a survivor. My deader-than-a-fucking-doornail cousin watches over me.
Sabbie: I'm such a proud ginger ghostie.
Arnie: Ding-ding-ding! We've made it ladies and gentlemen! Terri's first ever swear. Feels like it's taken years to get here.
Mark: Well it has, actually. All the years I've spent in her presence and I can still maybe count the times on one hand.
Maria: Quit talkin'! Anybody able to tie him up?
Gwen: No, but I'll disarm him. Here.
Mark: No! I need that to be evil!
Kennedy: No more evil once you and Jamie are put out of commission.
Mark: Are you sure we're the only baddies?
Kennedy: What's that supposed to mean?
Mark: Oh come on, think about it – apart from the fact The Apocalypse Cats have also been evil, and committed the most cold-blooded killing on this adventure... Dontcha' think there's always a big plot twist somewhere along the line where heroes only live long enough to become the villains themselves?
Arnie: … But that would be Ken.
Mark: Mmmmmhmmmmmm... ?
Kennedy: I would never.
Bruno: Ken's right. He would never. He has no balls.
Mark: But that's what he wants you all to think!
Kennedy: Shut up! Your attempts aren't working.
Maria: … He has a point actually.
Gwen: Are you for real, Maz?
Mark: Despite our difference lately Mimi, you know I'm talkin' sense.
Maria: … Gwen.
Gwen: … Fine!
Kennedy: No! Why are you getting me now?
Bruno: I'll help you Ken!
Arnie: No you won't, come here! Don't let your friendship with him blind you from his secret evil schemes!
Suki: … This looks terrible.
Sally: It certainly does. For everyone but us anyway.
Suki: … Why have they all suddenly stopped fighting except Jamie and Neil and are now staring at us?
Sally: You know, I was beginning to wonder that myself.
Maria: … Because you're the hackers that we've all spent the last week wanting to get even with.
Arnie: Yes, exactly!
Kennedy: Guys, guys! Am I the only one not going crazy now?
Gwen: … Get them!
Suki: Back in the car Sally, come on!
Sally: R-right!
Bruno: I'm awake again!... Wait, Mark's now back in the car too!
Mark: Myahahaha that's right, later suckaz!
(Crash)
Mark: Get out of the way, hacker nerds! I'm moving first.
Suki: Fiiiine...
Gwen: I'm jumping on their car!
Sally: Damn it.
Maria: You don't let 'em go! Meanwhile I'll... I'll finish things up here.
Kennedy: With me?
Maria: With all of you.
Arnie: So it's me versus you, versus Kennedy and Bruno? But they have the edge as a pair.
Maria: Don't be stupid Arn, it's Kennedy of all people. Look here.
Kennedy: Ow!
Maria: Bruno can one-hit KO Mark, I can do the same to Ken.
Kennedy: I'm not out, just stunned heavily. I have a longer recovery time than most on that.
Bruno: You and me then, girl.
Maria: Bring it.
Arnie: Then I'll... Wait my turn... Wait, who's that coming in the distance?
Helen: Hello!
Howie: Hey guys!
Neil: Well you're awfully upbeat.
Jamie: Hey, keep your attention on me while I beat you down.
Neil: This is getting tiresome but I'm committed to this now.
Sally: Oh, we weren't the last ones after all!
Arnie: Wait... That's not you guys I see.
Helen: It's not? But we're coming to you from the field.
Arnie: … Oh, there! Hi. But no, I was looking at this car that...
(Machine gun fire)
Arnie: Ow, okay, that's bad!
Bruno: Ow, okay, I'm already harmed and this could finish me. I'm taking cover behind The Cats' wrecked car.
Maria: No you don't, I'm gonna'-!... Shit, I'm dead. They got a headshot.
Paddy: … I'm still not dead by the way. Not that I can do anything, I'm completely immobile.
Arnie: Wait, they're driving straight through us!... They were NPCs?
Kennedy: Raiders, looked like.
Terri: … Oh no, Lizzie?
Lizzie: They'll be the ones after me from when I saved Karen. Darn.
Jessie: Oh no! Now instead of Terri, Lizzie is going to be the one gutted and stripped and sprayed all over the road for the vultures to feast on in the blistering sun!
Lizzie: … Thank you for that colourful picture. Though it's approaching nightfall, so no sun.
Mark: Hi girls!
Jessie: Marky!
Terri: Mark!
Lizzie: Oh, hi!
Mark: … Bye girls!
Jessie: Wait, no!
Mark: Out of three girls I have one definitive traitor, one on-and-off traitor, and an unknown wildcard... You know which is which. I'm done taking risks on this trip. Good luck!
Kennedy: I'm taking the last good car.
Jamie: No you're not. Get over here.
Kennedy: Agh...
Neil: Hey, don't just bail on me here.
Jamie: Stuff this.
Neil: Ouch! Okay, I'm stunned now.
Jamie: Perfect. I have the curb stomp ability, so that means...
(Crunch)
Neil: … Shit, I hadn't planned for that. Well, good fight while it lasted.
Jamie: I'll admit that too. Oh shit!
Bruno: Take this Jamie! Ken, get in the car, while Jamie's unconscious.
Kennedy: Right.
Arnie: You aren't leaving me here either.
(Explosion)
Arnie: … Okay, forget it. The Cats' car blowing up just took me with it.
Bruno: RIP, good buddy.
Kennedy: Yeah, um... Pressing the F key for you... That's a thing people do, right?
Arnie: … Sometimes Ken, you are so lame.
Paddy: Guys?... Still lying here, hello?... You bastards left me behind! We were a team!

Sally: We still have Gwen on our car, haven't we?
Suki: Yep.
Sally: Oh, look. There's Terri, Lizzie and Jessie.
Suki: I'm not sure we can stop with those raiders after them. And they're not far behind us.
Sally: Hmmm... But it doesn't feel right to go by them. They've been good to us. Just about the only people who never labelled us cheats or hackers.
Terri: … I'm sorry I have to do this!
(Exploding glass and flames)
Terri: My last petrol bomb...
Gwen: Fuck, that hit me direct!... And I've fallen off the car while burning. At least it was a spectacular death. Well done.
Sally: Terri, why?
Suki: Ouch, that's hot. Jump out Sal before we're ablaze.
Sally: Ouch, ouch, ouch. Took some damage jumping out but I'm good.
Suki: Same. Terri, what was- Ow!
Lizzie: Hey, when did you take my hatchet?
Terri: I made sure to take it before we fled from that hustle just back there. We should've taken a car with us when we left but I guess in all that chaos we panicked. But I did get this at least. Now as those flames are dying down on the car, I'm taking it.
(Machine gunfire approaching)
Terri: That's my cue to leave.
Jessie: You were the traitor all along!
Terri: … I have a dead cousin to keep a promise to, I'm afraid. I never asked for this.
Lizzie: Wow, well this is certainly a series of unexpected events.
Jessie: What do we do now? We're trapped!
Lizzie: They'll attack all of us, but only focus fire on me. So if you all scatter, I may be able to save you all.
Kennedy: No! Me and Bruno are almost there! We'll-
Sally: I have a better idea. Suki?
Suki: Are you hearing us right guys?
Unknown 1: We were just thinking same thing.
(Two bleeps)
Mark: Those fucking bleeps again!
Unknown 2: Here we are to rescue, ladies.
(Rocket propelled explosion)
Unknown 1: No more bad raiders, Miss Chambers.
Lizzie: Really?... Wow. Thank you! But... Who are you? Also, it's Chalmers not Chambers.
Jessie: You guys are the two bleeps!
Unknown 1: You could say that. The bleeps were us teleporting around map. We been watching everyone all this time. We wanted to see how you play and handle situation.
Sally: Allow me to introduce you all to Kenzo Takashi and Ryuji Takanawa, the two devs behind The Apocalypse Road, all the way over in Sarean.
Kenzo: Nice to meet everyone. Sorry for rude intrusion.
Ryuji: We have been hackers all along, not Kazi-chan and Suki-chan.
Sally: Thank you for clearing our names.
Lizzie: So... What happens next?
Helen: Howie, look! There's actually still one last car here after all! Ken didn't take the last one.
Howie: Oh blessed be!
Jamie: Now just hold up... I'm finally awake again. And the car is mine. You two take a long walk.
Helen: You've no gun any more. You don't scare me.
Howie: Hey, that's right! Yeah, you don't scare me Mister Big-Shot. You wanna' go-
Helen: … Yeah, maybe shouldn't have been as sassy, huh?
Jamie: Now he's the one unconscious. And my curb stomp ability has had its cooldown. So step aside Helen.
Paddy: … Can someone please fucking help me already!
Jamie: Oh, you know what, shut the fuck up Paddy.
(Crunch)
Paddy: Screw you! I thought you were curb stomping Howie, not me!
Jamie: Changed my mind. Y'know what... I'm bored now. Helen, put Howard in the car. I'll drive us.
Helen: Really? After all the people you've killed now, you're going to... Help me and Howie?
Jamie: The more you talk about it, the less likely I am to do it. So shut up and get yourselves in already.
Helen: Hm... Fine.
Jamie: I can hear you grinning wryly through your teeth as you said that... Cut it out.
Helen: I don't know what you mean...
Jamie: I hate you.
Helen: And yet you're helping us.
Jamie: I guess you being the 'social chair' of Moonstone has gotten you the power of winning any one of us over just by being you.
Helen: Awww, now aren't you sweet? You're such a-
Jamie: I told you to shut it.
Helen: Yes sir.
Paddy: Jokes on you! I had that 'fatal blow' ability that Nicky had too, haha! I'm still alive... Now somebody help me please before the last of the group leave me behind?
Jamie: Nah.
Paddy: But please, I-
(Howling)
Paddy: What's that?
Kenzo: Oh, we implement werewolf into game for you Mister Swanson. We heard your request last week, so we put it in very quickly.
Paddy: Oh shit... It's coming for me... But haha, yes, they all thought I was an idiot for doing the werewolf sounds. Ha!
Helen: Bye Paddy...
Paddy: Arrrrrooooooooooooooooooooooooo-! Bleurgh.

Mark: I made it... I'm at the gate! I'm the first here! Haha! Take that, you scumbags! Allow me to trigger the siege, which puts the rest of you at a disadvantage because y'all gotta' work through the horde before you can help stave it off. Ha... You all doubted me. You all thought me getting cocky and reckless was going to be detrimental to my success. I had nothing but doubters and traitors, and now I'm number one!
Terri: Mark!
Mark: Tessy-Bear, you've made it too...
Terri: Yep, just in time...
Mark: … This whole adventure, you and I have been a bit back and forth with our relationship.
Terri: Indeed we have.
Mark: … So what about now?
Terri: … What about now?
Mark: Between the swearing and the betraying of Sweet Lil' Lizzie, I don't know if you're still the same girl I loved.
Terri: L-... Loved!?
Mark: Let's not beat around the bush Terri, you and I have been there several times, and for a large part of our lives. Is it so shocking to use the L word between us?
Terri: I was actually more surprised you made it past tense...
Mark: Oh right. Well...
Maria: There's an angry ghost Cat right now feeling like she lost...
Mark: You lost a long time ago, ghostly Mimi. When you made me an enemy, was when. Anyway, Terri, why not see in through Huldergard's gates together? We can-
(Slice)
Terri: No.
Mark: But-... But-...
Terri: I'm sorry Mark, truly...
Mark: I have the ability of 'Final Revenge' you know... Gives me a few moments to attempt to gun down my killer with a one-handed gun, which I do have here...
Terri: So you really are taking me with you then.
Mark: … Nah.
Terri: What?
Mark: Honouring your dead ginger cousin's wishes... I can understand that. And for that, I forgive... Bleurgh.
Terri: Thank you, Mark.
Mark: … It's a surprisingly long timer this perk gives me, actually. I just want it to be o- okay, bleurgh.
Sabbie: Tigger! You absolute fool!
Terri: What?
Sabbie: I didn't want you to kill him! It was everybody else!
Terri: You didn't specify anybody! You implied my betrayals were to be indiscriminately!
Sabbie: I never said to be indescriptivecriminally!... I didn't even know that was a word until now, what does it mean?
Terri: It means to-
Sabbie: -Anyway, the whole idea was for you two to bone in-game together and be the last survivors so maybe you'd bone again in real life!
(Silence)
Sabbie: … Seriously? This silence is the response I'm getting for my ulterior motives from almost thirty people?... This is the worst death in an apocalypse I have ever had, I'm telling you... Not even exaggerating! For realsies! This suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks! I'm now one highly disappoint ghostie.
Kennedy: Terri!
Terri: Kennedy, Bruno...
(Two bleeps)
Kenzo: Mrs Davison I presume.
Sally: Oh no, no, no! Miss Cloverfield.
Kenzo: Miss... Crover-... Field? I can't say that.
Ryuji: Miss Traitor Girl.
Kenzo: Yes, that! I like that! We go with that.
Terri: (Sigh) Well you're here now... I can't fight you all off.
Lizzie: Theresa... Now isn't the time for grudges, the rest of us need to all fight together to live.
Jessie: Yeah, you're right! And I still like you more than Chri-... Mmmmmnnnrgh, sowwy...
Jamie: Here we are now too at the gate. That horde is damn close guys.
Howie: I'm up, I'm up!
Helen: Good, just in time too.
Bruno: My health is very low from all the battling and damage so I can't tank much more now. But I can still brawl. Everybody else ready?
(Everyone takes in turns to affirm preparedness)
Ryuji: … Then let's fucking do this!
Kenzo: And no more hacks from us either, aha.

Chapter X: Epilogue



~A long series of arduous combat with everybody concentrating so much, nobody was actually any fun to listen to. So some of the ghosts decided to commentate on their own group chat~
Mark: I won't lie... I wanted to be doing this. I'm feeling left out of this epic finale.
Paddy: True... But there are werewolves in this game, so I'm happy now.
Alex: Ever since I died, the immersion has been destroyed! It's horrible!
Sabbie: You want horrible? My masterplan backfired on me so much.
Mark: Yeah, what's this about you trying to get me and Terri to bone?
Sabbie: Um...
Gwen: I actually wanted to ask Jules something.
Julie: What?
Gwen: How did it feel to be the first death, and the only death last week, and being sat here all day today with not much to do?
Julie: … Sad and lonely.
Floyd: Same. I feel like I died so long ago now too.
Kendra: Because even when you were alive you were a fucking cripple who didn't do very much!
Nicky: That wasn't nice, Kenny!
Kendra: Oh shut up.
Miri: Hey, don't take it out on him. Neither of them were that problematic. Others on the other hand, some of them were major screw-ups.
Arnie: Gee, I wonder who you might be referring to...
Miri: You, you douchebag.
Arnie: Yeah I got that. That was the joke.
Jenny: Y'all are the jokes.
Lindsay: Sorry, Jen, you really thought it was gonna' be the cool thing to do to sacrifice yourself for others? Boring.
Jenny: No, I really couldn't stand 'Owie no more. He was annoyin' me. An' that worrywart crap from 'im is very unlike 'im. Like what's up wi' that?
James: (Coughs) Male PMS...
(Smack)
James: Ow, Jules!
Julie: I warned you.
Sabbie: … Oh, oh, oh! Howie's down! He's down!
Maria: About bloody time too...
Howie: I'm not down yet! I just got knocked back- okay yeah now I'm dead.
Paddy: Twat.
Gwen: He's your friend from pre-Moonstone days.
Paddy: I know, I know.
Harry: I feel like I'm the only one without any pre-Moonstone friends, y'know.
Mark: Not true. Jess never knew anybody.
Floyd: I didn't, either.
Nicky: And I only met Neil by accident when we got to The Wasteland.
Neil: Yeah... I didn't know anyone either.
Mark: However, you both were in The Wasteland by the time I got there, so to me that counts as pre-Moonstone. I am like the blessed being who brought upon a great tradition to you all.
Maria: (Scoffs loudly)
Mark: Hey, you were my first Kelderhopian friend that I made. And the largest reason why I stuck around. And why Moonstone is a thing. And to think you had dyed your hair ginger back then.
Maria: Yeah... Stupid idea.
Sabbie: Hey!
Mark: I loved it.
Maria: … I thought you loved Jess? That was why you kept going to that deli she worked at, then eventually you recruited her into all this like some weird pervy talent scout.
Mark: I resent the phrasing, thanks.
Sally: Are you guys actually going to talk about the fight or are we stuck listening to you all drivel on?
Mark: Oooh lil' Miss 'Kazi-chan' got a big ego on her as a survivor for the final battle, huh? Screw you! There's more ghosts than living now, we outnumber you!
Paddy: Besides, for a radio show it's hard to make the final fight interesting because it's just slashy-slashy, choppy-choppy, hacky-hacky, and so on. Not as much character interaction going on now, is there?
Sally: Bruno's fallen and you failed to inform listeners as it happened!
Bruno: Yeah, thanks for that.
Alex: Bruno, join the clan of the dead legends, you stupid bastard.
Bruno: Uh, thanks.
Alex: I can't believe Kennedy is the last one left of The Awesome Foursome.
Bruno: Ahem, Tricksy Trio you mean.
Alex: Sorry, my mistake.
James: Go to hell, you guys...
Mark: Oooh, Terri's infected!
Terri: That's not good, is it?
Sabbie: Nope.
Suki: You could still get cured potentially, depending on Huldergard's science ability once we get in. It's a bit of RNG each playthrough to determine if it's possible or not.
Kenzo: I already check seed generation. Science level bad, no good for cure.
Suki: Oh.
Terri: … Then there's no point in me fighting any more. I'll feed myself to the horde.
Jamie: Wait, you stupid woman! You could still at least fight and help thin the horde for the rest of us.
Terri: … Oh yeah! Silly me, I don't know why that didn't occur to me. It's so obvious- oh never mind, it's too late I'm dead.
Jamie: Incredible.
Miri: Hey Jamie, would've been much easier if you still had your rifle, huh?
Jamie: Yeah, well, it's Mark to thank for that.
Mark: Hey, Kennedy took it.
Jamie: And you broke it.
Mark: I regret nothing.
Maria: Nothing?
Mark: … Hmm, well...
Terri: Yes?
Mark: … You two aren't allowed to compete for my affections when we're all ghosts.
Jessie: No, Helen!
Lindsay: Oh look, Helen's about to die.
Helen: I'm not, I'm doing fine!
Jessie: I'll help!
Helen: Jess, agh! You're hitting me!... And I'm dead, thanks.
Jessie: Oh no! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!
Helen: It's fine. Oh well then.
Mark: Say, um... Takashi-san and Takanawa-san, how old are you guys anyway?
Kenzo: I'm 48 years old.
Ryuji: And I have... Am, 54 years age. Of old.
Mark: Forgive me for saying, I'm really surprised at that. I didn't expect two older gentlemen developing a zombie apocalypse video game together. Let alone a one so complex and continually supported.
Kenzo: … Thank you, Mark-san.
Paddy: I think you may have spoken too fast for him to understand everything you said.
Kenzo: I heard forgive, surprise, gentlemen and apocalypse... Sound like kind word to me, so thank you as you Marvegans say.
Mark: But I'm not Marvegan, I'm-... Heck it.

Sally: Oh! Oh, oh, oh! The gate's getting ready to open! Hold out everyone for just a bit longer then we can make a break for it.
Suki: Jess and Ken, you guys may want to come get closer to the gate. You've both gone far out over the opposite sides of the wall.
Jessie: Roger! Let me just... Ngh! There's a lot of them flanking me though.
Kennedy: It's a bit dicey actually, yeah. This was a mistake, I admit.
Jessie: Agh!... Ack!... Aha!
Lizzie: Let me see if I can help you, Jessie.
Jamie: I wouldn't venture too far.
Jessie: Noooooooo bleurgh... !
Lizzie: Oh. Well this is getting bad now.
Sally: The gate's open enough. All in!
Kennedy: Aha, I made some space. Yes, I'm here!
Kenzo: Everybody in?... Good. Now we talk to gate keeper and he close the door. Gate, I mean.
Ryuji: We still need fight off the remaining as gate close.
(A respectful, quiet bout of combat ensues)
Sally: Success!
Lizzie: Wooh!... Okay, this was really fun.
Jamie: Not so bad after all. I-
Ryuji: Um, Mister... ?
Jamie: Huh? Oh, what is it-? What?
(Slice, followed by a strange harmonic choir sound effect)
Sally: Oh, the Spirit-Saber. A debug weapon.
Ryuji: That was for young girl you killed earlier.
Jamie: Bullshit hax...
Kennedy: I actually made it. I made it!
Sally: So five of us made it, Jamie does kind of count somewhat... and not counting Takashi-sensei and Takanawa-sensei.
Jamie: There's no endgame beyond this?
Kenzo: Nobody left is infected, and the virus was not brought in through the gate, so everything is fine. Otherwise yes, there would be endgame.
Mark: Better than my old playthrough of it a couple of months ago. No Barry Bear this time, either.
Paddy: No... But werewolves!
Lindsay: Will you shut up about the fucking werewolves?

(Long silence)
Jenny: … D'AWWW!
Alex: D'A-... Dammit! How did you-
Jenny: Haha, I figured now was time to end tha' show so figured I'd'a reclaim my ol' catchphrase fer tha' last time today 'fore ya' did it. Loser.
Alex: … Well crapsticks.
Sally: Let's try and wrap things up better this time than we did last week.
Mark: Is that a wrap like the food, or a rap as in-
Sally: You do this every time! Stop it.
Mark: Fine. Whatever you say, darling.
Sally: “Darling”?
Mark: Tsk, tsk.
Terri: “Darling”?
Mark: …
Maria: “Darling”?
Mark: … Ahem...
Paddy: While Mark has his work cut out for him, thank you all for listening to... The second part of an absolute shitshow for radio, if we're honest.
Sally: Yeah, but this was a one-off... two-off special. And there's no Rocky Reports for the Moonstone forum this week, sadly. But regular programming will return next time.
Paddy: When?
Sally: Uh... Well we aren't back next week. Because reasons. But we'll be back eventually!
Paddy: Oh, that's okay then. However long that will be.
Sally: Shouldn't be too long away, I'm sure...
Mark: … A-hem... Yeah, totally...
Sally: And so, from myself, and Paddy, and Mark, and everybody else who has taken part these last two weeks whom I sadly can't go through all by names now, it's a goodbye from us. And stay classy Stoners!
Paddy: Until next time.
Mark: Take care and we'll meet again!
Everyone: Goodbyyyyyyye~!
Kenzo: Good night Alterra! It's early hours here in Oykos.
Ryuji: Sayōnara Stones!... Stone, ers? What is that?
Sally: Kinishinaide kudasai. Atode iu yo, Takanawa-sensei.
Ryuji: Daijōbu, Kazi-chan.
Mark: You sound so sexy when you speak Sareanite...
Ryuji: Awww! Dōmo arigatō gozaimasu, Mark-chan!
Mark: I meant Sally-chan but... Oh, never mind.
Sally: Sayōnara min'na!
Mark: Au revoir tout le monde!
Paddy: La... adios... everio bodio!
Lindsay: Adios a todos, you dumb twat.
Paddy: Alright, nerd. I'm not in touch with the Hwarian territory around here but-
Mark: Peter W Fucking Walsh on a boat, good-BYE!
Jessie: Vsem poka.
Nicky: Hwyl fawr bawb!



Special Thanks to all who participated:
Jamie Pritchard
Jessica MacKinnon
Helen McDonald
Theresa Cloverfield
Bruno Westinghouse
Howard Nickson
Gwenfair Davenport
Arnold Jenkins
Neil Litmann
Maria Powers Jr.
James McDonnelly
Lindsay Driver
Nicolas Stanton
Miriam Hopswitch
Jennifer Bridget
Sabrina Logan
Karen Doyle
Kendra Harper
Harry Townshend
Alex Mitchell
Floyd Aiken
Julieanne Lennox
Kennedy Lee
Elizabeth Chalmers
Summer-Kirstie West
Kenzo Takashi
And Ryuji Takanawa